I'd like to find somebody thoughtful, someone who isn't superficial. Somebody who appreciates the rich vastness of our shared multicultural past, and freely follows her curiosity in exploring it. Somebody who is trying her best to adhere to the guidance of her inner moral compass, and isn't so easily fooled by the distractions and illusions of the world.
One such illusion, that must immediately be mentioned (this is important, because it's led to a break for me, in the past): religion. Religion is man-made, and not of any higher authority. The Bible and the Quran all permit slavery—in addition to countless other horrid and divisive ideas—while claiming to be eternal wisdom, and that is indefensible. I still like to believe in the idea of some permeating higher morality, that imbues us with our general sense for justice, fairness, and empathy...but, I know that without outright proof, even my holding of such a notion can be deemed a flight of fancy, a residual remnant of a system so entrenched. However, it seems to me that life is often more than just what's on the surface. Um, but now, then—back to the person I wish to know...
I'd also love it if she were artistic. Singing, sketching, painting, writing, composing, creating. Someone who is trying to nurture their talents and passions. I know it can be difficult...
As for me, well... I adore music. Mostly voices from the past (the 1960s would have to be my favorite), because I find them to be humbler and more from the heart, at least in popular music. I’ll just give an example of something I’ve looked into, and this is nowhere near representative of my wider taste, but if you go back to early 1920s country music... (Here's an aside: a lot of what people think of as "country" today is a long cry from what the genre is actually like, historically. If you are into folk music—Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, Bob Dylan—it is indelibly linked to "country", and if you'd like a popular example of a song that originated within the genre, look no further than the universally recognized "You Are My Sunshine", from 1939!)
Anyway. If you go back to that early period, where undiscovered niches of music were still sought out and first put to tape... a lot of those artists had no idea about anything to do with recording—no ego, no attempt to sound "cool". What came through instead was a bare expression of the life that had been lived—the inner beauty of their own personhood, and I love hearing that. It's so honest. A vulnerable and piercing expression.
So if you're into history or the beautiful music of decades (and centuries) past, if you have any aspirations for creating as a method of changing the world for the better, if you'd like to play games and watch movies together, if you'd like an accountability partner—or all of the above...please message me. I don't mind the chat function, either—in fact, it's probably easier. Also, to get this out of the way: this is what I look like.
I love beautiful things. Nature, music that tugs at your heartstrings or is so honest you're enraptured, experiences that heal. More specifically, here are some of my current interests:

• music (singing/playing an instrument/the Beach Boys are my favorite group—I also love Maybelle Carter, Cass Elliot, Pink Floyd, Lana Del Rey, The Cranberries, Sixpence None The Richer, loads of video game music, The Smiths, The Beatles, The Who, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Harry Nilsson, Joni Mitchell, The Righteous Brothers, Judy Garland, Sam Cooke, Frank Churchill, Marty O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori... Here’s a brief go at the Beatles’ “Julia”.) And, if you liked that—a more recent one…
• drawing—here are a few I've done.
• video games (any era from Atari—I like exploring the history and evolution—to the Switch and PS4) [Currently playing, or starting: The Binding of Isaac, Catherine]
• Disney, especially the Golden Age and Renaissance—Pinocchio (my favorite movie ever), Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Aladdin, The Lion King, Tarzan. I love how handmade the early films look. And yet, how no expense was spared in creating these most precious and moving works of art.
• films/series/books I've enjoyed lately: The Sound of Magic, The Little Prince, Matilda, Love Hard, The Fundamentals of Caring, This Beautiful Fantastic, Donnie Darko, Alamut by Vladimir Bartol (this book was a key inspiration for the first Assassin's Creed), The Trial of the Chicago 7, Medici: The Magnificent, Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter, Judy

To close... I suppose I should say I've been afflicted with long-COVID for over two years. It'd be very nice to keep each other company, especially if we share any of the interests up above—we could watch favorite films, have shared listening sessions on Spotify, and it'd be a godsend to find somebody up to play on PS4 and Switch! Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 on the secret hard modes, maybe? Or sculpting our own world from scratch in Minecraft? Or maybe we could act out Ocarina of Time's storyline using all the options available on Smash Ultimate!
I'd really like to know an intelligent person with a unique identity...who puts forth effort—though at the same time, no pressure on reaching out. If you are this type of person, but can currently only muster up a few words because, hey! Life is tough, and grueling, and we don't always have a ready-made letter in us to flip out of our pockets—don't be scared away by my tower of words. I absolutely know, firsthand, what it's like to want to communicate, yet not currently have the energy or the mindpower for it. Life can really sink you... I promise I will not judge. Please send me a chat message, if you're at all interested in chatting.

I'd like to find somebody thoughtful, someone who isn't superficial. Somebody who appreciates the rich vastness of our shared multicultural past, and freely follows her curiosity in exploring it. Somebody who is trying her best to adhere to the guidance of her inner moral compass, and isn't so easily fooled by the distractions and illusions of the world.
One such illusion, that must immediately be mentioned (this is important, because it's led to a break for me, in the past): religion. Religion is man-made, and not of any higher authority. The Bible and the Quran all permit slavery—in addition to countless other horrid and divisive ideas—while claiming to be eternal wisdom, and that is indefensible. I still like to believe in the idea of some permeating higher morality, that imbues us with our general sense for justice, fairness, and empathy...but, I know that without outright proof, even my holding of such a notion can be deemed a flight of fancy, a residual remnant of a system so entrenched. However, it seems to me that life is often more than just what's on the surface. Um, but now, then—back to the person I wish to know...
I'd also love it if she were artistic. Singing, sketching, painting, writing, composing, creating. Someone who is trying to nurture their talents and passions. I know it can be difficult...
As for me, well... I adore music. Mostly voices from the past (the 1960s would have to be my favorite), because I find them to be humbler and more from the heart, at least in popular music. I’ll just give an example of something I’ve looked into, and this is nowhere near representative of my wider taste, but if you go back to early 1920s country music... (Here's an aside: a lot of what people think of as "country" today is a long cry from what the genre is actually like, historically. If you are into folk music—Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, Bob Dylan—it is indelibly linked to "country", and if you'd like a popular example of a song that originated within the genre, look no further than the universally recognized "You Are My Sunshine", from 1939!)
Anyway. If you go back to that early period, where undiscovered niches of music were still sought out and first put to tape... a lot of those artists had no idea about anything to do with recording—no ego, no attempt to sound "cool". What came through instead was a bare expression of the life that had been lived—the inner beauty of their own personhood, and I love hearing that. It's so honest. A vulnerable and piercing expression.
So if you're into history or the beautiful music of decades (and centuries) past, if you have any aspirations for creating as a method of changing the world for the better, if you'd like to play games and watch movies together, if you'd like an accountability partner—or all of the above...please message me. I don't mind the chat function, either—in fact, it's probably easier. Also, to get this out of the way: this is what I look like.
I love beautiful things. Nature, music that tugs at your heartstrings or is so honest you're enraptured, experiences that heal. More specifically, here are some of my current interests:

• music (singing/playing an instrument/the Beach Boys are my favorite group—I also love Maybelle Carter, Cass Elliot, Pink Floyd, Lana Del Rey, The Cranberries, Sixpence None The Richer, loads of video game music, The Smiths, The Beatles, The Who, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Harry Nilsson, Joni Mitchell, The Righteous Brothers, Judy Garland, Sam Cooke, Frank Churchill, Marty O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori... Here’s a brief go at the Beatles’ “Julia”.) And, if you liked that—a more recent one…
• drawing—here are a few I've done.
• video games (any era from Atari—I like exploring the history and evolution—to the Switch and PS4) [Currently playing, or starting: The Binding of Isaac, Catherine]
• Disney, especially the Golden Age and Renaissance—Pinocchio (my favorite movie ever), Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Aladdin, The Lion King, Tarzan. I love how handmade the early films look. And yet, how no expense was spared in creating these most precious and moving works of art.
• films/series/books I've enjoyed lately: The Sound of Magic, The Little Prince, Matilda, Love Hard, The Fundamentals of Caring, This Beautiful Fantastic, Donnie Darko, Alamut by Vladimir Bartol (this book was a key inspiration for the first Assassin's Creed), The Trial of the Chicago 7, Medici: The Magnificent, Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter, Judy

To close... I suppose I should say I've been afflicted with long-COVID for over two years. It'd be very nice to keep each other company, especially if we share any of the interests up above—we could watch favorite films, have shared listening sessions on Spotify, and it'd be a godsend to find somebody up to play on PS4 and Switch! Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 on the secret hard modes, maybe? Or sculpting our own world from scratch in Minecraft? Or maybe we could act out Ocarina of Time's storyline using all the options available on Smash Ultimate!
I'd really like to know an intelligent person with a unique identity...who puts forth effort—though at the same time, no pressure on reaching out. If you are this type of person, but can currently only muster up a few words because, hey! Life is tough, and grueling, and we don't always have a ready-made letter in us to flip out of our pockets—don't be scared away by my tower of words. I absolutely know, firsthand, what it's like to want to communicate, yet not currently have the energy or the mindpower for it. Life can really sink you... I promise I will not judge. Please send me a chat message, if you're at all interested in chatting.

I'd like to find somebody thoughtful, someone who isn't superficial. Somebody who appreciates the rich vastness of our shared multicultural past, and freely follows her curiosity in exploring it. Somebody who is trying her best to adhere to the guidance of her inner moral compass, and isn't so easily fooled by the distractions and illusions of the world.
One such illusion, that must immediately be mentioned (this is important, because it's led to a break for me, in the past): religion. Religion is man-made, and not of any higher authority. The Bible and the Quran all permit slavery—in addition to countless other horrid and divisive ideas—while claiming to be eternal wisdom, and that is indefensible. I still like to believe in the idea of some permeating higher morality, that imbues us with our general sense for justice, fairness, and empathy...but, I know that without outright proof, even my holding of such a notion can be deemed a flight of fancy, a residual remnant of a system so entrenched. However, it seems to me that life is often more than just what's on the surface. Um, but now, then—back to the person I wish to know...
I'd also love it if she were artistic. Singing, sketching, painting, writing, composing, creating. Someone who is trying to nurture their talents and passions. I know it can be difficult...
As for me, well... I adore music. Mostly voices from the past (the 1960s would have to be my favorite), because I find them to be humbler and more from the heart, at least in popular music. I’ll just give an example of something I’ve looked into, and this is nowhere near representative of my wider taste, but if you go back to early 1920s country music... (Here's an aside: a lot of what people think of as "country" today is a long cry from what the genre is actually like, historically. If you are into folk music—Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, Bob Dylan—it is indelibly linked to "country", and if you'd like a popular example of a song that originated within the genre, look no further than the universally recognized "You Are My Sunshine", from 1939!)
Anyway. If you go back to that early period, where undiscovered niches of music were still sought out and first put to tape... a lot of those artists had no idea about anything to do with recording—no ego, no attempt to sound "cool". What came through instead was a bare expression of the life that had been lived—the inner beauty of their own personhood, and I love hearing that. It's so honest. A vulnerable and piercing expression.
So if you're into history or the beautiful music of decades (and centuries) past, if you have any aspirations for creating as a method of changing the world for the better, if you'd like to play games and watch movies together, if you'd like an accountability partner—or all of the above...please message me. I don't mind the chat function, either—in fact, it's probably easier. Also, to get this out of the way: this is what I look like.
I love beautiful things. Nature, music that tugs at your heartstrings or is so honest you're enraptured, experiences that heal. More specifically, here are some of my current interests:

• music (singing/playing an instrument/the Beach Boys are my favorite group—I also love Maybelle Carter, Cass Elliot, Pink Floyd, Lana Del Rey, The Cranberries, Sixpence None The Richer, loads of video game music, The Smiths, The Beatles, The Who, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, Harry Nilsson, Joni Mitchell, The Righteous Brothers, Judy Garland, Sam Cooke, Frank Churchill, Marty O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori... Here’s a brief go at the Beatles’ “Julia”.) And, if you liked that—a more recent one…
• drawing—here are a few I've done.
• video games (any era from Atari—I like exploring the history and evolution—to the Switch and PS4) [Currently playing, or starting: The Binding of Isaac, Catherine]
• Disney, especially the Golden Age and Renaissance—Pinocchio (my favorite movie ever), Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Aladdin, The Lion King, Tarzan. I love how handmade the early films look. And yet, how no expense was spared in creating these most precious and moving works of art.
• films/series/books I've enjoyed lately: The Sound of Magic, The Little Prince, Matilda, Love Hard, The Fundamentals of Caring, This Beautiful Fantastic, Donnie Darko, Alamut by Vladimir Bartol (this book was a key inspiration for the first Assassin's Creed), The Trial of the Chicago 7, Medici: The Magnificent, Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter, Judy

To close... I suppose I should say I've been afflicted with long-COVID for over two years. It'd be very nice to keep each other company, especially if we share any of the interests up above—we could watch favorite films, have shared listening sessions on Spotify, and it'd be a godsend to find somebody up to play on PS4 and Switch! Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 on the secret hard modes, maybe? Or sculpting our own world from scratch in Minecraft? Or maybe we could act out Ocarina of Time's storyline using all the options available on Smash Ultimate!
I'd really like to know an intelligent person with a unique identity...who puts forth effort—though at the same time, no pressure on reaching out. If you are this type of person, but can currently only muster up a few words because, hey! Life is tough, and grueling, and we don't always have a ready-made letter in us to flip out of our pockets—don't be scared away by my tower of words. I absolutely know, firsthand, what it's like to want to communicate, yet not currently have the energy or the mindpower for it. Life can really sink you... I promise I will not judge. Please send me a chat message, if you're at all interested in chatting.

Breaking 162 games into 9 innings gets you 18 games. After Sunday’s game against the Rockies, the Mets have now completed the third inning of the season. Here's the second inning recap.

Now here's the recap for the third inning of the season:

• 10-8 record. (27-27 overall) -13 run differential. 5 games back of Atlanta. 1 game back of Wild Card #3
• This is our best inning this year.
• Series wins: 2 (2-1 vs. Rays, 3-0 vs. Guardians)
• Series splits: 1 (2-2 vs. Nationals)
• Series losses: 3 (1-2 @ Reds, 1-2 @ Cubs, 1-2 @ Rockies)
• Upcoming opponents in the next inning: vs. Phillies (3), vs. Blue Jays (3), @ Braves (3), @ Pirates (3), vs. Yankees (2), vs. Cardinals (3), @ Astros (1).

Positives:

• Verlander is back from injury, and has provided a rotation boost.
• The baby Mets are here!
• Alvarez is knocking home runs out of the park almost daily and seems like a future star.
• Baty and Vientos are contributing and providing key hits and contributions.
• Pete is currently on a rampage at the plate.
• Scherzer seems to have righted himself, and * Senga has shown flashes of brilliance.

Negatives:

• Our rotation is still massively underperforming. We need Scherzer and Verlander to pitch like the aces they’re getting paid to be.
• The pen is getting overworked to make up for the starters. We NEED our starters to pitch deeper into games.
• Multiple holes in the lineup: DH, Marte, Canha & McNeil are in slumps.
• We're losing to teams we should be beating. (Cubs, Rockies, Nationals, Reds, etc)
• Buck’s recent decisions are baffling. (Marte in CF, etc).
• Vogelbach hasn’t been DFA’d yet.

Injuries:

• Edwin Diaz: Torn Patellar Tendon (6-8 months recovery).
• Jose Quintana: Benign Lesion on Rib (due back in June/July)
• Edwin Uceta: Ankle sprain (return TBD)
• Omar Narvaez: Calf strain (60 day IL)
• Sam Coonrod: Lat strain (May/June)

Things to watch for in inning #4:

• Will our starting pitching get it together? When will we get Quintana back?
• Too early to make a trade? We need SP help badly.
• Will we see Mauricio?
• Can Marte and other underperforming members of the lineup get back on track?
• Can we go .500 or better this month?

Top 5 Moments of Inning #3 (not ranked, positive and/or negative moments).

1. Series wins against the Rays and Guardians include thrilling late-inning heroics. A week that saved the Mets season?
2. Alvarez hits a game tying HR with two outs in the 9th against the Rays to set up Alonso’s walk off HR in extras.
3. Lindor walks off his old team in another late game comeback.
4. Verlander outduels Beiber in primetime on ESPN Sunday night in the longest starting pitching battle so far in MLB this season.
5. Senga punches out 12 Rays and only gives up one earned run against baseball’s most potent offense.

For context, I'm (18) a college student. I moved to the U.S. with my mom 4 years ago after receiving permanent residence status (commonly known as having a green card). Later this year, my mom and I can and will apply for citizenship separately because I'm of legal age now. I'm not very knowledgeable in immigration law and the internet hasn't been really helpful with this.
I don't have anything in my criminal records. Both my mom and I are perfectly 'good and moral' citizens, as the USCIS calls it. However, last month I sprained my knee which forced me to go to urgent care; the lady asked me if I smoked weed, to which I (very stupidly) said yes because at the moment I was in a lot of pain and I didn't even think of lying to my doctors about anything concerning my health.
I live in a state where weed is legal only over 21+. I did not purchase it from a dispensary and there is no proof of anything like that except my medical record. Again, I'm a college student and I know the consumption is fairly common. It is not a big deal at a state level and I know it is generally ignored at a federal level as well, as several states have legalized its use. But I'm aware that it is a federal offense, which is what concerns immigration affairs.

I've never been stopped or legally charged for anything. Are they allowed to look at my confidential medical records, outside of the immigration medical examination? Is this likely to cause me much trouble?

​
Edit: Just for the record, I will ask an immigration lawyer about this eventually when it is time to start the naturalization process; just wanna get some insight from people with a little more substance law and immigration knowledge than me.

​
https://preview.redd.it/bc112gu6b23b1.png?width=2587&format=png&auto=webp&s=fa4be9fa0b607ac562ee688bf527ede0dbc8e444

I met my ex in 2012, right after he turned 20 and I had just turned 30. I had only dated and been with women exclusively until I came out as bi-sexual at 28. Let’s just say the year I was 29 was a busy year making up for what I missed out on. It was mostly casual hookups (yes, safe) and I did try dating 2 different guys for a few weeks, but it just never worked out or got serious. I kinda figured that I’d probably end up marrying a woman or not getting married at all because I just didn’t see myself catching romantic and sexual feelings for a guy.
Then I met Ryan. From the first date it was just like the only other time in my life I had fallen in love…butterflies, constantly thinking about him, wanting to spend every moment with him. He fell for me hard too and we became an item, though he did say while he considered my bisexuality a turn on, because he had a thing for straight guys, it also gave him pause because of my desires for the opposite sex and his concern it may lead me astray. I thought about it and understood it was a legitimate worry, but assured him that I couldn’t even think about anyone else because I was really into him. Note: I knew he was the one by the end of the first month and I was in love, but I wasn’t going to say these things too soon and risk scaring him off.
On our first date he admitted to me that he was legally blind due to a genetic disorder and that it was progressive and eventually he would only have a sliver of his peripheral vision. He immediately said he understood if I didn’t want to see him again because no other guy had wanted to date him and be his driver all of the time. I grew up with a brother in a wheelchair who never learned how to walk or talk due to misdiagnosed meningitis at 6 months old back in the 70s. I told him that and said that what my brother had was a severe disability, so in my perspective, his blindness had no effect in my feelings and that always being the driver was a small sacrifice just to be with him.
The next 3 years were bliss. We brought out the best in each other. My family who was surprised, but very supportive when I came out, adored Ryan and treated him like family and said that I acted happier since we’d been together. When I met him he was working part-time in retail and had done very poorly in high school because he lost a lot of his confidence as his vision deteriorated. I told him that one thing I did insist on was that he do something with his life because he had too much to offer and that I would help. He said that he’d wanted to be a teacher but didn’t think someone with limited vision could teach….nonsense. So I put him through community college for 2 years, then 2.5 years of a local university and finally the 1 year teacher certification program as required by California. I drove countless miles and paid hundreds in public transportation costs for him, never blinking an eye or complaining.
We’d been together for 7.5 years and were engaged to be married in October by the time he was in his last semester of his teaching certification which involved him student teaching at his former high school with his favorite teacher from his days in school. Then the pandemic hit and schools closed. Fortunately he’d had enough hours in the classroom that he would still qualify to be certified after the Governor issued a waiver via executive order. On the 3rd day of the stay at home order in March my life crumbled when I innocently found out he had cheated on me with an ex all because he handed his phone to me to show me something on Instagram. I accidentally fat thumbed the back arrow when he gave it to me taking me back to a list of all his messages. I looked and recognized the name of his ex as the second message, dated a week ago. I clicked on it and my heart sank. Directions to my house, pictures, dirty talk, and reassuring him not to worry about me because he had my location on my “Find My Friends,” just in case I came home from work.
I immediately started screaming demanding to know everything and he admitted to having his ex over twice for sex and that they didn’t use protection (his ex was engaged to his gf during this, adding another victim). Then he admitted to sleeping with his straight but curious recently single cousin (by marriage) twice, again no protection. Finally he admitted to sleeping with a supposedly straight guy he and many of my cousins went to school with who I told Ryan I really didn’t like him or want them talking because I didn’t trust him. Since they were never close friends I didn’t feel like this was a big sacrifice or that I was being too controlling AND I assumed that he knew why I (and all my cousins) felt that way, but didn’t bother repeating it. The reason was after high school at age 20 this guy was convicted of sexual assault and penetration with a foreign object against a 16 year old girl and had gone to jail and required to register as a sex offender for life. Apparently my ex was the only person in his graduating class that hadn’t heard that news. All of this happened in my home while I was working.
We spent the whole weekend crying with me asking over and over why and him repeatedly crying and saying he just didn’t know and that he felt terrible. Monday comes around and anger started being as common as sadness and I made a comment that said I was going to pull all the phone records going back the 3 years that AT&T kept them (for a fee). Only when he heard that did he admit to one more guy. Some random named Frankie off the gay hookup app Grindr who was the first guy he cheated with and continued to casually hookup with for nearly 2 years with the last time being in February (the month before).
He told me how it started. Get this – it was the DAY AFTER his graduation with his BA in May 2018 and he was drunk from celebrating and wanted to have sex. I too had been celebrating with him and said I was too drunk to perform and said I’d make it up the next day, then passed out asleep on the couch. Apparently he was “angry horny” because he downloaded Grindr, chatted with this Frankie fellow and arranged to have sex in his car in a church parking lot across the street from our condo (which happens to be across the street from a school…this fact is important later), all while I slept on the couch. All the times they hooked up after that was again in my condo while I was working or visiting a friend for the night up the coast (he used to love going but started saying he couldn’t occasionally because of “homework” and “studying.”
I absolutely lost it, told him to get in the car and I drove him to his family’s house so he could tell them what he did so they understood why he was moving back into their house. While he was in the house I was in the driveway on the phone with AT&T ordering the 3 years worth of detailed call/text logs, then made an appointment to be screened for STIs. I also changed his number (he’d had it for years, but I took it over and added it to my plan 2-3 before because his parents were tired of paying it), then suspended his service, deleted his social media and changed all his passwords so only I would have access to his cloud. I also called the bank and issued a stop payment on his final tuition check that I had sent to the certification program the week before and hadn’t hit the bank yet. Before deleting his social media, except Facebook, I took screenshots of the entire Instagram conversation with his ex and mailed the conversation to his fiancée, who deserved to know so she could see a doctor too. His family was very religious and had kicked him out in high school for 3 days when he tried to admit he was bi and only took him back in when he took it back. Needless to say, she ended it, he got kicked out. ONE DOWN.
He came back out to the car and we went home. I took his house key and told him to say goodbye to our 3 pets and get packing. The entire time he packed I studied those phone records to find out dates, times and if there was anyone else he was leaving out. He answered every question I asked and it was then that I discovered that the sex offender and he had only had oral sex in my home and that the actual sex was in the same parking lot he screwed the Frankie guy in.
The wheels started turning and the next day I went over there and sure enough spotted a camera. I spoke to a secretary at the church and informed them about a registered sex offender having sex in their lot and that not only was it a violation of his parole for indecent exposure, but that he was not allowed to be that close to a school and I provided the date. I was in luck! They had a digital two year loop system that started deleting day by day after it had been retained for 2 years +1 day. It was April 2020 and he first cheated with Frankie in May 2018 and the sex offender was in April 2019. I told them I was filing a police report and that probation would require a copy of it eventually. They said they would save the file and allowed me a thumb drive of both days to submit with my police report. Within a month the sex offender was locked up again. TWO DOWN.
I also filed a police report against the Frankie guy. The police said it was a relatively minor infraction but since it was across from a school playground and skate park they would follow up but there would be no jail time. I researched the hell out of Frankie and called him to confront him. He was smug and admitted to knowing about me the whole time. What he didn’t know is that I had found out he had a job that required a security clearance and he had several judgements against him and collection agencies had been looking for him. I didn’t know why they couldn’t find him and just garnish his wages, but it ends up he was Hispanic and had two last names and was a Jr., plus he frequently by his middle name Francisco, Frankie for short…so he got lost in the paperwork confusion. I sent a letter to the collection agencies providing his employer and current location and contact info and then sent a copy of the police report about misdemeanor indecent exposure for which he pled guilty and it was a fine with community service (not considered a sex crime). His wages did get garnished, but only for two paychecks because the misdemeanor was enough for him to lose his security clearance and get fired. THREE DOWN.
Then I contacted Ryan’s family on his mother’s side pretending to be him from his Facebook account making sure they knew he had fucked his cousin. It spread through the family like wildfire and soon his cousin was contacting me because he couldn’t get a hold of Ryan to ask why he would expose what they did. I just laughed and said you shouldn’t screw your cousins, especially when they’re engaged and that he’d messed around in my house, so now it was my turn for payback. FOUR DOWN.
Lastly, I had already stopped payment but since he was so close to finishing I was sure his family would bail him out and pay the university. Like I said, indecent exposure is usually a slap on the wrist type misdemeanor. However, I remembered some of the paperwork he signed to be a mandated reporter that you could lose teaching certification for “documented acts of moral turpitude.” I sent a copy of both police reports from the parking lot with still shots from the security footage clearly showing Ryan’s face to the school district he’d been student teaching in and a copy to the Commission on Teacher Credentials. FIFTH AND FINAL DOWN!
Admittedly, I did all this out of anger but he shattered my sense of self-worth and made me incredibly bitter and untrusting after years of being generous and supporting him. Everywhere I looked in the town I thought of Ryan and the cheating. I felt a terrible energy in my condo knowing it all happened there. I stayed 9 months and watched all 5 of their lives self-destruct. Then sold my condo (making a nice profit) and relocated to the PNW to start over. One thing that is sad is I found out just recently that his ex-who’s fiancé broke up with him ended up committing suicide several months after I moved. It is too bad that his family was so closed minded to turn on their own son, but in the end, it’s not my fault that he cheated on his fiancé by coming into my home at my fiancé’s invitation to cheat.
TLDR: I emotionally and financially supported my ex through college and his teacher credential program for over 7 years only to discover he had cheated on me with 4 different guys, one of them the day after he graduated and then occasionally for nearly two years in my home while I was at work. I took my revenge: My ex lost his career before it even started and our relationship, one AP (affair partner) lost his job and had bill collectors after him, another lost his fiancée and was kicked out, a third was humiliated when his entire family found out he had sex with his cousin and the fourth was put in jail for a violating probation. Lesson: Don't Cheat and Deceive.

This post is inspired by a recent analysis I saw on this subreddit earlier that challenges the idea that Oshi No Ko is a tragedy, which I have linked below. I find it a great read and would highly recommend everyone to check it out! Note that this post isn't meant to respond to the linked post below, but an independent analysis of why Oshi No Ko could be a tragedy.
https://www.reddit.com/OshiNoKo/comments/13u6ke8/an_analysis_of_oshi_no_ko_the_story_is_not_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
This analysis will be split into three parts:

1. An analysis of the elements of tragedy and how Oshi No Ko aligns with it
2. Certain points of foreshadowing specific to the story that points to certain characters' deaths
3. Other miscellaneous reasons for why it would make sense for Aka to make it a tragedy (and maybe why it wouldn't)

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1) Elements of tragedy
I'm still a bit of an amateur at literary analysis, so I would love for others to add more insight into this which I might have missed.
According to Aristotle, a tragedy has three main characteristics (hamartia, anagnorisis, and peripeteia) that align with 6 other elements in the story (plot, character, diction, thought, spectacle and music). I'll explain each element and how the manga connects to its tragic aspects (as well as tragic characteristics, where applicable).
Plot (The Uncontrollable)
Quite intuitively, Aristotle says tragedies are supposed to end in tragedy. Tbh, there's not much to discuss here, since any protagonist dying would be disastrous to the other characters (as well as the entire fandom). What is more interesting to discuss though, is the claim Aristotle makes, which is the tragic events that happen in the plot should be out of the tragic hero's control.
I give you our very likely tragic hero: Aqua (this is not an assertion. The characteristics I describe later throughout the analysis also give reasons for why Aqua's character lines up with a tragic hero's).
Interestingly enough, Aqua has had a long track record of doing insanely reckless things that have earned him the ire of other characters and fate himself. Two main examples are his response to Akane's suicide attempt early on in the manga, as well as his decision to suddenly reveal his and Ruby's relationship with Ai to the public. Both times, Aqua was criticized for the averse impacts his actions have had (even though he later solves the Akane situation with the raw footage video), and honestly were highly dependent on a lucky response from the public. Even during his previous life, the mf ran after a stalker into the woods at night AND TOWARDS THE EDGE OF A CLIFF without any thought about his safety whatsoever. Especially in his currently emotionally-driven and irrational state, if Aqua keeps up this trend of doing reckless things, he could very well provoke a response entirely out of his control that might bring his downfall.
Character (Hamartia)
According to Aristotle, a tragic hero must have hamartia: a tragic flaw that eventually leads to their downfall. In this case, Aqua's progression as a character seems to be driven by one very large motive: his unhealthy obsession with avenging Ai's death. Given the current point in the story (the 15-year lie movie arc) is completely based on his obsession with Ai, it gives the necessary buildup to have that character trait backfire on Aqua to kickstart the tragedy. There are also explicit criticisms of this flaw of his, such as Akane's active opposition to Aqua's self-destructive behaviour, as well as some implicit ones like the recent interaction between Aqua and the crow girl in chapter 118. In the chapter, the crow girl says that Ai didn't get reincarnated unlike Ruby and Aqua, and that maybe he should consider the reason he was reincarnated. To many (including myself), this could imply a suggestion that he should reconsider his current path and use this second life of his to the fullest. When he let go of his intent for revenge for Ai earlier (because he thought his father was dead), he started TRULY living like a normal person. It is more than possible that Aqua's obsession with revenge and Ai could be his hamartia.
Diction (Anagnorisis)
Diction in tragedy is based on anagnorisis: the sudden realization the tragic hero has about their situation, and that eventually leads them to their downfall. I believe we've already seen this anagnorisis in the manga: When Aqua realizes that his father is alive, and who Hikaru is.
This is the point where Aqua begins his downward spiral, and we see him start to revert to his vengeful, self-destructive arc. Except for this time, we see it amplified tenfold since his motives previously were somewhat diverted from the story painting his rise and development as an actor. Now that that's done, this particular downward spiral is centred solely on its purpose: revenge. This realization is the turning point to turn him into the self-destructive, hateful mess of a person he is currently; which is what leads us to the next element:
Thought (Peripeteia/Catharsis)
A tragedy isn't just a story of the protagonist suffering at the end of it. It is a rollercoaster that constantly builds up the disaster the more twisted the tragic hero becomes, until it drops; and there is a release of emotions within the audience. Pity, sadness, grief. Relief. It is not a sudden twist of events, not an unexpected ending. It is an outcome everyone sees coming and when it finally hits, it releases all that buildup in a burst of emotions. This is catharsis.
Catharsis is primarily built with three components. The character (as mentioned earlier) of the tragic hero must begin with a morally upstanding individual, who the audience grows to root for. Then the downward spiral of events as a result of the anagnorisis. Then the release of emotions in the eventual downfall/death of the character.
It's very easy to argue that Aqua resembles that morally upstanding person. Even in his previous life as Gorou, he's had many feats that point to his strong moral foundation. The fact that he was a doctor signalled his desire to help others. That he cared about his patients (Sarina) so much to the point of even taking up their hobbies post their death in their honour. That he actively stuck to his obligations as a doctor rather than to his instincts as a fan when he was with Ai. Up to his life as Aqua, where he is portrayed as a great brother who truly cares for Ruby (quite intuitive, examples are sprinkled throughout the manga). Additionally, a very common trope in these tragedies is to have the morals of the tragic hero into their very own hamartia. Guess whose hamartia could also be seen as a product of his undying love for his mother as a good son? Aqua himself.
But at this stage of the manga, we no longer see that loving Aqua. We no longer see his compassion and start to see him become a more twisted and hateful person in the current arc. The majority of his appearances now feature him with a black star in his eyes, which is typically referred to as a symbol of lies and manipulation, often with killing intent (this would take a whole other analysis). But even without making these assumptions, we've already seen him do some terrible things, such as actively manipulating Kana by playing with her emotions, casting Akane aside despite her good intentions, exposing his and Ruby's relationship with Ai without Ruby's consent, etc. I'm sure all of us still love Aqua and truly want to see him come out of this alive, but for most people, it is undeniable that he is no longer the same compassionate, empathetic individual he was at the start of the story. That is the second component of catharsis to a tick.
The part we haven't seen yet is the ACTUAL release of catharsis, the horrific events that happen to the tragic hero at the end of the story. We haven't gotten to that part at this point in the plot yet, but since the first two components are present, it is fair to assume that the final release is impending.
Spectacle (Realism)
There's not much to discuss about spectacle here tbh, since this isn't a live play. However, Aristotle's view on tragedies is for them to work, they have to imitate reality to an extent to make them relatable to the viewer. We can see the manga adhere to this rule by not only using realistic settings but also tackling realistic issues related to the entertainment industry. This doesn't mean anything though, since it's a manga. Just wanted to point that out.
Music
Yeah, nothing much to discuss here. This is a manga, there's no music. The anime music banging though!
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2) Foreshadowing
"Yeah OP, you have a long essay about what a tragedy is and all, but what if I don't buy any of that?"
I wouldn't blame you. That's the whole point of starting this discussion with the analysis! But here are two more examples that I think foreshadow Aqua's tragic end.
Some might say this is a stretch, but I find it interesting why Aqua ended up playing the villain while filming the Sweet Today adaptation in the Entertainment World arc. He even explicitly mentions the irony of it all, playing the "stalker that killed Ai." But it is never brought up again throughout the manga. I can understand it being a lone tongue-in-cheek irony thing, but for a writer like Aka who is always so comprehensive with his motifs and symbolism even in this manga, it doesn't rule out the possibility that this was foreshadowing Aqua's eventual dark path. Also, the stalker ended up committing suicide after killing Ai. Which has also been expressed as Aqua's plan once he kills his father. Make of that what you will.
In addition, an enigmatic character who is showing some rising relevance in the story is the crow girl, who is not only a supernatural character, but also has some semblance of being a deity of death (crows are also a very widely-used symbol of death). We never truly see her before her appearance in the Private Arc, but when she interacted with Aqua and Ruby, both of them seemed familiar with her. They both may have met her somewhere off-screen during their reincarnations. The reason I bring her up is that the three appearances she makes, it often has to do with death in some way. Be it a discussion about Gorou's death or Ruby's discovery of Gorou's corpse. The one appearance that doesn't seem to have much immediate proximity to the theme of death is her latest one in chapter 118. Yes, this is during an arc that is about revenge for Ai's death, and Aqua's pursuit for Hikaru's death, but this interaction doesn't seem as linked to those as her other appearances. This interaction with Aqua was not about a previous death; hence, the logical conclusion is that it foreshadows an impending one. And while some might argue that the death might be Hikaru's, I believe this to be a bit too random, and Hikaru's character too insignificant (development-wise) to make this about his death. Consider that of all the appearances Crow Girl has made thus far, they have all been about one other character's death and one character only. Aqua, and his previous life as Gorou.
I want to note that it's been a while since I've read the earlier parts of the manga, and presently am writing this largely off my memory (I also really can't find the time to do a comprehensive re-read up to the current point in the story while taking notes). If there are any other possible moments of foreshadowing I've missed, please bring them up in the comments since I would love to know as well!
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3) Miscellaneous/Meta
As we cross the 2k word mark, I would like to end with an additional comment about the series in itself, and why it might make sense to Aka to make this story end as a tragedy.
Unlike his other massively popular series (an absolute masterpiece), Kaguya-sama, Oshi No Ko is a series dedicated to dark themes. It is a series that exposes the dark side of the entertainment industry, actively tackles potentially triggering themes about suicide and parental abandonment, and has shown no mercy to the prospect of making its readers squirm with shock, discomfort, and sadness. It is a series that began by killing off its protagonist and ending its FIRST arc with one of the hugest and most emotionally devastating twists in manga history. This sends a huge message to the audience: do not expect happy endings, this series is dedicated to making you cry. While it doesn't rule out the possibility of Aqua getting a happy ending, a tragic ending would absolutely be consistent with the narrative that the story has had so far.
That said, in a small point for devil's advocate, this is also a series that largely hinges on twists and moments that shock readers (in a very NON-comprehensive list, we have Ai's death, Akane's imitation of Ai, the discovery that Aqua's father is alive (at the time we thought he was dead), Ruby and Akane suddenly discovering Gorou's body, and Sarina's absent mother showing up as the distributor for the 15-year lie movie in the latest chapter). Aqua, who has long been saying he doesn't intend to live once he's enacted his revenge, kind of deviates from that trend. If HE were to die, that wouldn't exactly be a shock to the audience, since it's been a long time coming. In short, it is possible that all my previous analyses about the release of catharsis and the foreshadowing might've also worked as reasons AGAINST the story ending in Aqua's death since it counteracts the whole strategy of the manga getting its appeal from its twists.
Therefore, if this isn't about Aqua's death, then there's one other plausible way this could be turned into a tragedy. An event that would absolutely break Aqua and might turn him into an empty shell of the person he once was, POSSIBLY resulting in him taking his own life by proxy.
I'm talking about Akane Kurokawa's death.
I won't get into a whole other analysis about whether or not Akane's death is likely. But one thing the post I linked above and I agree with is, if someone were to die, it might be Akane. This is also a thought that is shared by a lot of fans in the community and has been arguably foreshadowed through her flawless imitation of (a now dead) Ai, her strong resolve to oppose Aqua's plan and save him (which might result in her doing some things that might end in her death, potentially also making Aqua feel responsible), and even more explicitly, that damn bridge scene in chapter 97 that made most of us think she was going to die. There are a lot of reasons to expect a possible Akane death in the near future, since it would not only be consistent with said foreshadowing but would also arguably have the same if not stronger tragic impact on Aqua and the Oshi No Ko fandom if she were to die. I pray that I am wrong, but these are my speculations for now.
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Conclusion
Long story short, this was an analysis that looked into the elements of a tragedy and how the Oshi No Ko storyline thus far has fit within it. Independently of that, there are some additional reasons to suggest Aqua's death in the future; and if not, it MIGHT be Akane's (I REALLY HOPE I AM WRONG).
If you've read all 2.5k+ words of this analysis, thanks! I want to note that I am not a literary expert, and there are simply too many unresolved nuances to form a definite prediction on the outcome of the story now. Therefore, I'd love to hear some more of your thoughts in the comments and am very open to further discussion or debate on this matter. Hopefully, this has given some food for thought on the literary aspects of the series, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

Let me preface this post by saying I just found this sub, and I am genuinely intrigued to understand this community. I mean no disrespect in asking this, but from my perspective I want children and support people having them, or choosing not to. I think we are “meant” to have children, and consider myself a naturalist. I can see, however, how far out of balance from nature we have come as a species.
Personally, for a lot of my life I have wondered why I was brought into this world, and if I could justify doing the same. I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, some level of trauma, and issues with my family, relationships, and community. That said, looking back I see I have overall had a great life with many privileges, far more so than the hand that many are dealt.
As such, I am genuinely curious as to the following. For the record my background academically is in sociology.
Preface (edit):
Would you like to share anything about yourself or your background before you begin?
Questions:
As an antinatalist, what role have the following played in your life, and your arrival at the stance that having children is never morally justifiable:

1. Why are you here? What does antinatalism mean to you, how did you find this sub, and what did you find that engaged you to stay and participate in the individuals and conversations you found in this community?
   
2. What does belonging to this community mean for you, and do for you?
   
3. What is your relationship like with your family?
   
4. What was your childhood and upbringing like?
   
5. Do you struggle with any (diagnosed or undiagnosed) mental or emotional challenges or disorders?
   
6. Have you experienced any trauma in your life? How do you feel this has affected your life?
   
7. What is your relationship to money and how satisfied do you feel with your finances overall, and your future financial prospects?
   
8. From a philosophical or spiritual level, do you study, practice, or subscribe to any specific models of thought, organized or unorganized religion, spirituality, or philosophy on life and the nature of existence?
   
9. What is consciousness? How would you define this word, and what is its source? Do we create it through procreation? Does it have a source?
   
10. Do you have children, have you ever been pregnant, and what is your stance on adoption?
    
11. Is there anything that could change your stance on having children? What would that take, and why?
    
12. Why are we here? Why does life exist? Why do you exist? Is there a reason for your existence?
    
13. What is your purpose or mission in life? Have you found it, and if not, what would that take?
    

Bonus (edit):

1. A child is being born right now as you read this. Assume, for whatever reason, this child is the last child born on earth. What happens to society? To the earth in the short term (next 100 years)? To the earth and biosphere in the long term (after 100 years and far into the future)?

Thank you so much for any and all discussion you can share on any of the above. Much love and respect to you all.

https://imgur.com/a/yxkvDw1 Looking to clear out the rest of my collection. All records are in like new condition unless stated otherwise. Prices dropped since my last post! Add $5 for shipping, or buy 2+ records for free shipping.
Curren$y x Alchemist- Continuance party cloudy blue pressing($25)
Black Midi- hellfire ($15)
Denzel curry- Melt my Eyez See your Future, lavender pressing ($15)
Dry Cleaning- Stumpwork, pink pressing w/ bands signatures! ($20)
J Dilla- donuts ($15)
James Blake- friends that break your heart ($15)
Kendrick Lamar- Mr Morale and the big steppers, gold pressing ($35)
Mac miller- circles, clear pressing ($25)
Mac miller- swimming, good condition but needs cleaning ($20)
Neutral Milk Hotel- In the Aeroplane over the sea ($15)
Radiohead- The Bends ($20)
Saba- Care for Me, VMP grey pressing ($25)
Saba- Few Good things, tan numbered pressing ($25)
Tyler the creator- Igor ($15)
The Weeknd- after hours, clear w/ red splatter pressing ($25)
The Weeknd- Dawn FM, silver pressing ($20)
The Weeknd- starboy, red translucent pressing ($20)

This show is just on a different level holy shit. The most layered show I’ve ever seen. There’s so much to unpack just with the ending alone. That ending montage where we once again see everybody moving on with their lives (in a good or bad way) was so cool especially because of the OG “Way Down In The Hole” from season 1. Fuck I wish I could watch it again for the first time. Some unanswered questions at the end, like what occupation did McNulty take up after leaving the department? What exactly happened to Marlo? Did he try to go kingpin again after realizing he’s not the businessman type? I know I could come up with my own answers/theories but the fact that the show doesn’t answer some things at the end just goes to show how realistic it is, life in Baltimore just goes on after the cameras stop recording. I also liked the parallels between the finale and the pilot, for example Bunk telling Kima that “it wasn’t her turn to give a fuck”, which was said in the first episode. Also the fact that the crime scene they’re at was the same one where Mr. Gant was shot at the end of the pilot. All the details matter. Fuck I love this show. I can see why some people have it as their GOAT show. Rewatch is gonna hit different.
Also, R.I.P my favorite character Omar Little.

I have $210 in the PS Store and I’m trying to find some games that I would enjoy and would appreciate if you guys could give me some recommendations. I have a PS5. Right now I’m playing RE4 Remake and it’s amazing so far. Some of my favorite games so you can get an idea of what I like are : Red Dead Redemption 2, Batman Arkham Knight, Uncharted 1-4, Ghost of Tsushima, Heavy Rain, UFC 4, Spider-Man Ps4 and Miles Morales, Yakuza 0, Apex Legends, Overwatch, Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order, God Of War (1,3, and Ps4 GOW), Resident Evil 7, Rainbow Six Siege, Assassins Creed franchise, The Last of Us 1 & 2, THPS 1+2, Skater XL, Ratchet and Clank franchise, and LittleBigPlanet franchise.
I realize that this list is pretty crazy and it might be hard to give recommendations but if you have any games you think I might like, please let me know. (sorry if it’s hard to read.)

Wow...what a rapid, abrupt, satisfying, inevitable finale to a series. I had faith in Bill to stick the landing but wrapping it all up neatly in half an hour was truly a feat. I will be on board for anything he helms in the future (as if I wasn't already).
A lot of discussion here on the arc of the main cast, but something about Gene's final scene has stuck with me. Contrary to his character, I believe his final act may have been selfless. Let me explain:
Through the series we see Gene transform from an initially "good" person to his darker, subconscious egoic self - at least as far as the morality spectrum is displayed in the show. Sure he had a sleazy air to him from the get-go, but he also showed a lot of tenderness in his love for Janice (the highest of kudos to Henry Winkler for managing to embody both of those traits simultaneously). The arc of season 4 introduces us to a larger narrative taking shape in the world of Barry, that being the story later told in "The Mask Collector", and Gene has to watch his entire precious reputation twist into something purely evil. He knows the truth, but it begins to sound increasingly implausible with how all the pieces fall into place (side note - I don't know how early in the process this ending was mapped out, but I am blown away and how each breadcrumb clicked together in the end).
Now, the finale. Gene has been confronted by his only remaining allies and has crumbled before his own hubris. He is beyond redemption in the eyes of anyone who matters to him. He has begun to realize who he truly is, and maybe starts to believe that he had a larger role of the chain of events than he thought due to the seemingly sound logic of Jim's narrative. He is pondering his next move, maybe ending it all, then Barry shows up at his house.
Gene passively overhears the conversation as Barry arrives in a hopeless state and slowly has reality dawn upon him. He might have even heard the moment where Barry gained the resolve to do the right thing, but then he kills him. Why?
Such a tense scene. I thought Gene was going to kill himself and was waiting for the gunshot while Barry was being talked down. Nope. Then the utter frustration I felt as a viewer knowing just how close everybody was to actual resolution. Nope. I think that Gene tapped into a sense of empathy for Barry, for his PTSD as a soldier, for his being used as a pawn to further the ends of others, and for the complicity that Gene now felt for Barry's descent. Barry turning himself in would have set the record straight and Gene would have been exonerated, but what would be the point of that? Gene knew that he could never help himself from his own ego and had just had that truth thrown in his face. Even if he was proven innocent he would continue on as an irredeemable jerk, so he embraced his truth. The real story died with Barry, and so Gene sacrificed his legacy in order to give Barry a better one, because Gene finally realized that he wasn't worthy of the legacy he had pursued the entire time.
I see the final shot of him staring ahead with iron resolve. To him, he is and always was the villain, and pulling the trigger was the one "good" thing he could do. This deep, dark place in his mind was more real than the fakeness he had always embodied, and the place that he had taught his students to search for with his method. As dramatic as it sounds, he was finally not acting to himself. This was his truth.
Of course I could be overanalyzing, but when a show has this many layers that's half the fun!

So basically, I’ll start by saying that 2022 was the worst year of my life, and by far the most trying of my relationship/marriage.
Basically in 2021, my husband and I had some drastic changes to our lives. Our youngest child was diagnosed with something very rare and scary (usually with this diagnosis the outcome is very bleak.) at the time, during it all, it actually made us closer as a couple, because nobody understood, and we had to be there for our daughter. Miraculously though, our daughter was a small portion of children that actually recovered without relapse of them problem (as of now still).
Somehow after the time our daughter got better, things just started to change. I would say first off, we had both gained some weight during/after the ordeal, and we had just started acting differently toward one another. Like somehow after that time we both started to have resentment toward one another. We started being mean and angry, and snappy, and it almost just became a way of life. Fast forward a few months, and on top of everything, my husbands father got a terminal diagnosis. I would say our fighting at that time wasn’t constant or all the time, but it was there. However, I was there for my husband in anyway he wanted/needed/allowed me to be.
Shortly after his father passed, everything hit the fan. My husband who was once the nicest, quietist, calmest person I’d ever met, exploded. He came at me every which way. He basically told me he hated everything about me. I mean to no end. If it was something about me, he hated it.
The way I did everything, the way I looked, my beliefs and morals - they all were suddenly not what he wanted. He did tell me that losing his dad made him realize some things and made him question everything, including us.
I was heart broken. I realized that then that we had been fighting, and I dug dip into myself to see why, see what was wrong, what I could do, etc.
I knew I couldn’t change the past, but I knew that I could change myself going forward, or at least I could try. The next 6 months, even after my husband basically declared his hate for me, I tried and tried and tried to change. I tried to change the things he hated about me.
I just overall tried to become more optimistic with life, I tried to be more healthy, more level headed, I tried to change my morals on certain things that really specially bothered him.
I got to a point where I could throw my morals to the side, and cave into what he wanted, so that he was happy. I lost 80lbs in total, and I was feeling like a different version of myself. Some of it (mostly the morals thing) did hurt, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t still today, because it does…. BUT, it made my husband happy. He stopped being mean all the time, he smiled at me, he showed me affection again. As he claimed he wanted so much for it to “be like it used to be when we first met”, I tried to give him that, and be a more carefree version of myself.
Now, I just had a baby (this is our 4th) a few weeks ago, and everything is going back again. It was okay at first - but yesterday we got into our second big fight since I had the baby.
And it all came flooding back. He promised me he wouldn’t divert to saying he didn’t want to be with me, to talking shit about me, complaining about me.. telling me all the things he would change about me, but here I am again.
Every time we get into some argument like this, there is always some new demand. Some new thing he wants me to be okay with, that I am just not okay with. I already shifted so much of myself to align with what he wants or wanted, and there is always something else to add. This time he told me he wants to be able to checkout other women in front of me, and that I shouldn’t care. His example was that he wants to go to the beach and look and stare at whoever he wants, that, that is the point of the beach, and he would rather just go alone to the beach, so that he doesn’t have to worry about me being mad that he is staring at other women. I have no problem with passing people and being around other people, but when my husband tells me that’s why he wants to go to the beach, or that he goes out with intent to stare at and checkout other women, how would I not be upset about that?
He says he is a man, and that it’s normal behavior and that’s what men do.
My opinion is that he is married to me, it hurts me and it’s rude for him to do, and he should respect that and me. Either way, now that he said this, it’s all I will think about when I am out with him, and it sucks. I want to go out and not have a care in the world, especially about other people. I don’t get why he doesn’t understand, or even care about my feelings..
And then he wonders why I am insecure and why I don’t trust him, and why I have doubts and I don’t feel good about myself.
He has told me straight to my face that he thinks of other women when he is intimate with me. He says it’s normal - which maybe it is, but do you have to tell that to your wife? Do you have to say it to my face?
I don’t know what is normal anymore, but I know for me, I just wanted to feel respected as a wife, and I want my husband to hear what hurts me, and understand and then have compassion for that.
It will never be a thing though. When I even try and talk to him and tell him he says he knows it all, doesn’t want to hear it anymore, and that I sound like a broken record. Not yet with the fighting starting back up, but in the past if I even tried to bring up my feelings he would tell me to shut the fuck up.
Now I am not happy, and I haven’t really been for a long time, but I have tried to change, and accept a new way of life for myself, but it’s never good enough, and I know it never will be.
I thought we were on a new page and doing better, but here it is again, him telling me that he questions his decision to ever be with me, and basically saying he regrets his life with me.
I don’t even know why I am posting this. I know my relationship is toxic, and I know we would probably both be happier separated, but we have 4 children, a home, a car and more together.

I wanted to discuss a couple of things about the finale and an earlier scene in the series I love:
I think one of the most interesting scenes in Barry is the assassination attempt in the jail interrogation/interview scene.
Fred Armisen is making the face. You know the one.
I was thinking about it and I think that interplay can be dived into further.
If we extend ourselves to believe that there could be a popular assassin TikTok content team, then let’s extend the narrative in that direction.
Barry foils the team, not because he recognises Fred as an assassin, but because he potentially recognises him as an actor.
The setup for the assassination attempt would/should have been from Fred, but he froze. And the camera man panicked.
Barry might have recognised the performance leading up to that moment, because he is actually a good actor, and his journey through acting made him good at one thing - recognising honesty and intention.
Extend the supposition:
He wanted to learn to act because he wanted to learn how to feel emotions again.
We can then understand this about Barry. He, throughout the entire series is surrounded by people who have sold him a lie.
If they can’t, Barry has been unflinching in his dismissal of their further worth.
Firstly fuches, this self admitted (and redeemed?) heartless man; a man that warped the broken shell of Barry fresh from war into this obedient child, desperate for love and purpose.
He then meets: Cousineau, a self absorbed and self-centred hack, who has inflicted monumental emotional damage to everyone in his life. A man who fails every shot at redemption in the search for fame and recognition. A man who is able to speak softly and patiently and who is able to empathise with Barry at every twist and turn until the most important moment.
Sally, a motherless woman who is reduced to a shell of a mother through her own self-absorption (which immediately shifts into a real mother when held to the fire of her mistakes. Redeemed through her final act of preservation - running from Barry with her child, the first truly good person she has probably met). A woman who has seen Barry for more then the killer, she saw Barry, this passionate and unflinchingly loyal man.
She is with him until she realises that he isn’t good for her son. In the moment that he discounts her honest and morally good direction - “give yourself in” - and offers self-absorbed arrogance in return: “I’ve been redeemed,etc”
Barry has his moment of redemption, however fleetingly, when he realised that his child is gone from him and he’s no longer a guardian. Just that breath of realisation when he understands that Sally has taken their child away from him, and that she was right, and there was nothing left to do but do the right thing.
It’s magnificent story telling!
Anyway, I forgot to mention my head cannon for the jail scene. I think that Fred Armison’s face was actually part of a performance that he was trying to take part in. I imagine it’s a TikTok trend in Barryverse where you do a “filter face” for however long to hold a record or something.
I love this idea because it plays with media literacy - Bill Hader as a director litters Barry with these kinds of subversions. (See the bomb app that someone mentioned in another post)
Anyway, that’s my two cents! Hit me up if you want to discuss the finale more! Namely: Hanks final scene, Fuches the redeemer, and the Chekhov’s “You want to kiss the gun?

When they played a recent home video of Logan reciting a rhyme scheme of president opinions which then segways into an old shanty, I broke down into tears.
It reminded me of something very personal about my own life. I was always running around making silly, seemingly insignificant videos of me and my family doing random things that don’t at all reflect our “legacy” or inform anybody who didn’t know us about what we did or what our morals were or anything like that. They’re just snippets of our existence at one point in time. And watching Karl sing so beautifully and sincerely reminded me that… he IS a human being. They’re all people. They’re all friends (in a very, very fucked up way). And even though these people move mountaintops and change the geopolitical landscapes of continents, moments like these aren’t much different from when we’re watching back on videos of loved ones who have passed on just sitting around making jokes and enjoying each others company.
Maybe some people think “No, it actually means that Logan was always going to betray blah blah blah because he said ‘Karl’s murdering it!’ and murder is bad so…”, no. It’s not meant to be layered. The little, tiny things we record or even just remember, that’s the lesson we really learn about being people. Even with all of the huge shit going on with the Roys, it’s just so amazing that the writers made time for this quick scene. It makes me grateful for making those videos with my family and I hope you all have those little moments too.
What a brilliant show.
Okay sorry I’m done. Now go on! Fuck off!!!

Today's anniversaries are:
2006

• Cheval de frise - Fresques sur les parois secrètes du crâne (Rock)

2008

• Opeth - Watershed (Rock)

2010

• Omar Rodríguez-López - Sepulcros de miel (experimental rock)

2014

• Artifact Implication - Motions (deathcore, metal, djent, melodic deathcore, progressive deathcore, progressive metalcore, Moscow)
  
• Fire! Orchestra - Enter (Jazz)
  
• Killitorous - Party, Grind (death metal, metal, thrash metal, technical death metal, Canada)
  

2015

• Anairë - Eldritch Sanctuary (ambient, ambient, bloodborne, cinematic, dark ambient, drone, drone ambient, electronic music, fantasy, field recordings, soundscape, Poland)
  
• Cyclamen - Humanise (ambient, experimental, metal, post-rock, Japan)
  
• Cyclamen - Tales (ambient, djent, experimental, metal, post-rock, tech metal, Japan)
  
• Naumachia - Machine of Creation (black metal, death metal, metal, norway, hate, machine of creation, naumachia, sceptic, via nocturna, Opole)
  

2016

• Jason Rubenstein - Four Named Narratives (jazz rock fusion, rock, fusion, hard rock, heavy, heavy piano, heavy prog, heavy progressive, heavy rock, instrumental, prog rock, progressive metal, San Francisco) Read our review.
  
• Visions - Shake the Earth (metal, hardcore, progressive, rock, tech, Peterborough) Read our review.
  

2017

• Cauldron of Shit - Mysterious Fortress (metal, death metal, deathgrind, grindcore, groove grind, hardcore, mathcore, slam, speed metal, tech grind, technical death metal, technical grindcore, Perth)
  
• Omni Optometrist - Atomic Throne (avant-prog)
  
• Panic Error - Doppelgänger (alternative, electronic, usa, alternative rock, avant-garde, drone, electronic, electropop, experimental, harsh noise, improvisation, industrial, noise, psychedelic, Italy)
  
• Sheen Marina - Travel Lightly (adventure rock, rock, surf rock, acid, california rock, experimental rock, math rock, noise rock, psychedelic, punk, surf noise, New York)
  
• Té - 擢 (Kai) ()
  
• The Vomit of the Universe - The Vomit of the Universe (doom, drone, experimental, metal, Adelaide)
  
• Vola - October Session (expermiental, rock, experimental rock, progressive metal, progressive rock, Copenhagen)
  
• Yoink - Yankee Oscar India November Kilo (rock, calypso, experimental rock, instrumental, jingle house, juke, loop, math rock, mathrock, post-rock, progressive, vampcore, New York)
  

2018

• Dysmorfectomy - Disembodied Anomalies (metal, slamming brutal death metal, Carhaix Plouguer)
  
• Ladybaby - ホシノナイソラ (Hoshinonaisora) (Asian Music)
  
• Oh, Adeona - Oh, Adeona (rock, jazz, math rock, prog rock, punk, New York)
  
• Rytmigeneraattori - Ikiliikkuja (world, didgeridoo, didgeridoo music, drums, ethno, organic dance music, organic trance, world music, Tampere) Read our review.
  
• Wollongong - 40,000 Hippo Handshakes (experimental, Wollongong)
  

2019

• Room to Spare - Room to Spare (experimental, jazz, groove based, new music, piano, violin, Boston)
  
• The Gloom in the Corner - Flesh & Bones (metal, metalcore, concept music, deathcore, down-tempo, hardcore, metalcore, nu-metalcore, post-hardcore, Melbourne)
  
• 鬼否 (Guǐfǒu / Griffo) - 通用计箕 (Tōngyòng jì jī / Neo Eniac) (rock, instrumental, math rock, Hangzhou)
  

2020

• Jargon - The Fading Thought (progressive rock)

2021

• Charnel Grounds - Molecular Entropy Examined in the Bowels of a Great One (avant-garde death metal)

2022

• Crowning & Naedr - Rayau (blackened hardcore)
  
• David Binney - Tomorrow's Journey (modern jazz)
  
• Jack - Lobotómia (grindcore)
  
• Reverb on Repeat - Demo 2 (post-rock)
  
• Thierry Maillard - Paris-New York (jazz fusion)
  
• Тишина (Tišina) - Увод… (Uvod…) (blackened doom metal)
  

For context I've a treatment resistant depression diagnosis with some other diagnoses like PTSD in there for the last few years been in psychiatric care since I was 8 including years long hospital stays along the way, tried every antidepressant, mood stabilizer all that and done psilocybin assisted therapy, ketamine RTMS all that and had some periods of remission enough to get my masters and work but the last two years have been bad basically the whole time in hospitals. My psychiatrists over the last few years don't really subscribe to the serotonin hypothesis and the general agreement is that i was medicated too much to young on stuff that's not really proven in a modern context. They subscribe more to the neuroplasticity model but with that I'm turning 27 and I just wonder if it's really possible to change who you are with such a inbendedl part of yourself at this age. I know its not really a popular opinion but in disability studies and stuff there an understanding that disability is a spectrum and that the notion of being "high functioning" is the same as less severe there no like moral fibre difference or whatever and thats not diminishing people like myself who don't fall in the centre of that spectrum. I've seen that with spending so much times in institutions most of my friends are dead from those places or back in centres and hospitals of the rest of their life. Then theres what I call "university student" depressed which is still awful but there is a huge difference when you spend time in these places. The issue is I fluctuate between these two spectrums i did go to the university, I signed a small record deal that covers my basic needs granted i cant make anything more but at the time I've spent more of my life in hospitals and these places then outside them. Especially the last two years I've felt like i've fallen more in line with the instituonlized side of the spectrum and depending where I fall I'm either doing horribly and will die like my freinds or I'm doing great but might still die. Can you change at 27? Like deeply fundamentally and neurological from something so a part of you? If anyone has any thought's I'd be very grateful. It's also worth mentioning i qualified for MAID in my country for another condition so after two years of a lot of attempts that parts easier knowing I can peacefully when I'm ready not in a distressed state of mind. Thank you for your reading this anyway is means a lot, I just feel myself dying, not eating, not seeing anyone, wetting the bed from nightmares, not able to function and I have never seen that side of the spectrum get better. End stage depression like in NA i guess.

ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

Things are spicy. How spicy you say? Mexican soap opera spicy.
Our fight continues with the King and his Lizard guardian, but things aren't really going in his favor. He's getting roughed up as our party focus most of their attention to him and not the Lizard guardian. With the fight going strong, the moral dilemma beings to arise. It seems like the King does have control of the energy cursing through this island. Killing him could doom the entire island. But if we kill the guardian, we basically hit the reset button on the world and whoever has the power can create the new world to their wishes. RIGHT?! Sounds like their fucked either way.
To sooth their minds, the wretched King interrupts their battle to lustfully offer riches, glory, respect, humanity and knowledge to our party; if they would only just bend the knee and do as he says...But our group sticks together and we reject the kings ploy. We resume battle and it gets pretty hairy. After delivering the king a hearty rough-up, he returns the pain and damage right back at them! Down on spell spots, low, very low on HP, book pervert and readers digest subscriber Fritz, calls twice to the heavens to rain down lightning on the King and with that the king is no more. The King is dead. Long Live The King.
The caves begin to shake violently. We find the Lizard guardian under his own freewill and none combative. He describes his purpose as holding back the great beast, but with the release of magic and energy, the undoing of all may have already begun. With that, we mercy kill the guardian, cos why not? We killed all his other friends! The font of magic, along with the guardian begin to lose their fiery red exteriors...the cave begins to dim, setting towards dark as the room turns cold....from above a black formless shape, slowly sweeps it's way down towards the font of magic....our party hears a woman's voice, Jedwyn's music in his head, is turned up to 11. This black void inhabits the font of magic and with black tentacles, reaches out and grabs the dead king, slowly crushing his body mass with it's tight grip, dragging it back into the font while expanding outwards into the room. The world shakes again.... Jedwyn, locks eyes with this formless feminine presence....and walks right into it's ooze....
​
Party roll to beat = 15
Steven 3 Cory 19 Matt 10 Dusty infinity Vanessa 9
​
​
The void begins to take form...it looks like a dark angel...with ooze draped around itself...yes...this my friend is Dark Raimi Ooze... Carl 7 reaches out to the ooze....and upon contact, Carl 7 trips baaaaalllzzz. He sees the universe, but doesn't see Jedwyn, but knows he's alive somewhere.
Carl 7, Roll for Sanity 14 He feels weird...but that's about it.
The rest of the party just witnessed Jedwyn walk into the ooze, Carl 7, who touched the ooze, but to the group, looks like he just spaced out...and Fritz begins to reminisce about the dream the elders gave him about this quest...and things don't look so great. There is some bad ju ju going on here.. Fritz currently has in his possession, the soul orb that is Lindrick. Having gone through the kings notes before, Fritz is aware that the orbs were going to be used to control the great wyrm. BUT HOW?!
Carl 7, gives Fritz the nimdrite crowd that he took off the dead king. It sits on our gnomes head too large and funny looking. Just as Carl 7 was, Fritz is now in a semi-catatonic state...he feels eternity. Fritz feels powerful. He looks down and can see the spectral form of the island, the blood of the wyrm flowing beneath them and the giant wyrm itself glowing. Had it not been for Dark Raimi Ooze, Fritz feels like he could reach out and control the wyrm himself. Oh! He can also see Jedwyn, but it looks like he's trekking through high water with black ether all around him. Knowing that the physical obstruction is Dark Raimi Ooze, Fritz has only one course of action...
Fritz, casts call lightning 20 dmg on Dark Raimi Ooze Anger and screaming reverb through the cosmos in the semi-catanionic state that Fritz is in.
Barilla, Fumbles and Carl 7 all touch and link with Fritz. Friendship really does exist. The power courses from Fritz into our remaining party, allowing them to see what he sees. A face appears on the backdrop of what looks like the beginning of time. Lights and colours blaze by their heads, it's overwhelming.
Carl 7, Roll for Sanity 18 He feels weird...but that's about it.
Fumbles, Roll for Sanity 26 He feels weird...but that's about it.
Barilla, Roll for Sanity 9 Loses 4 sanity points, starts with 100.
Fritz, Roll for Sanity 23 He looks right back at the face, not phased at all
Jedwyn, Roll for Sanity 16 He feels weird...but that's about it.
​
The group suddenly feels unsafe and they begin to attack the black space that surrounds them. All hits land. (It gets a little wonky here I did my best to follow the dice)
​
Fumbles, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze 11 dmg
Jedwyn, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze ???
​
Carl 7, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze 23 dmg second attack 20 dmg
​
Barilla, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze with reckless attack 25 dmg second attack 26 dmg
​
Fritz, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze ???
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fumbles, roll constitution save 10
Jedwyn, roll constitution save 16
Carl 7, roll constitution save 14
Barilla, roll constitution save 20
Fritz, roll constitution save 18
Everyone takes 4 acid damage, Barilla takes 2 dmg as he's raging as acid drips from Dark Raimi Ooze
Fritz momentarily feels that he can take control of the situation and the wrym so he reaches out.
Fritz, roll Intelligence to control the wyrm 14 ???
The air begins to become hard to breathe.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fumbles, roll constitution save ???
Jedwyn, roll constitution save ???
Carl 7, roll constitution save ???
Barilla, roll constitution save ???
Fritz, roll constitution save ???
If they rolled under ten it's 10 dmg, over ten, it's 5 dmg
​
​
Fritz, roll Intelligence to try to control the wyrm 20 He reaches forward into the spectral glow that is the wyrm and feels something and is now locked in a tether match with this conscience.
​
Fritz, roll Intelligence to try to control the wyrm 22 He pulls on what he grabbed onto. The darkness flips to blinding white static. He feels the island shift underneath him and he feels like he has control.
Fritz, roll Intelligence to try to control the wyrm 15 The island shifts violently.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fumbles, roll dex save 24
Carl 7, roll dex save ???
Barilla, roll dex save 14
Fritz, roll dex save ???
Having control of the wrym, we notice the dark ooze is shrinking around them. It shrinks back into a human form and out pops Jedwyn.
Dark Raimi Ooze conveys her displeasure by lashing out with her black tentacle arm at Fritz 15, miss
Squirming black tentacles squirm up all around Fritz, everyone around make a dex save
Fumbles, roll dex save 20 not natural
Carl 7, roll dex save NAT 20
Barilla, roll dex save 17
Fritz, roll dex save 19
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fritz, roll to attack Dark Raimi Ooze 18, hit 19 dmg
​
Fumbles, roll constitution save NAT 20, hit 7 dmg
Jedwyn, roll constitution save 13, miss
Carl 7, roll constitution save 18, hit 17 dmg + 18 dmg
Barilla, roll constitution save 11, miss
Dark Raimi Ooze looks like it's melting into the font of magic and in the spectral world, we can see that Dark Raimi is trying to seep into the blood of the wyrm. Dark Raimi doesn't have enough power to control the wyrm, but we do sense Dark Raimi is trying to pull the wyrm down, out of the dimension.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Fritz, roll to control the wyrm like a ship 13
Fumbles, roll to control the wyrm like a ship 23
Jedwyn, roll to control the wyrm like a ship 19
Carl 7, roll to control the wyrm like a ship 3
Barilla, roll to control the wyrm like a ship 4
For a moment if feels like we go under water... and then there is no water...we are now on the back of the spectral wyrm, flying through space. We see the cosmos around us and then we hit a rock out in space and Fritz' crown falls off him, the orb he was carrying, falls out of his hand and smashes towards the ground. We look up and we are now standing in some kind of open field...the night sky is above us, but we are no longer floating in it...we are now back on the planet...or a planet...

THE END???

​
Trivia
- Steven and Cory both rolled their party roll numbers from Ep 1. Things came full circle!
-Engineer Rory is MIA for this recording.
-the Robin Hood movie and crown reference for ye'all https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjMImPMs0Qk
-You ready for this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPOmFUid3vA
-You can dooooo anything https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ygs3IHJ2bM
-Tumbles is a cousin of Fumbles
-Huskers, who has canonically been carried around by Fumbles since finding him, comes to life briefly, if you can call it that. He attacks the goo for 2 dmg and turns to dust
-Mia says the Ghostbusters 2016 film was good....if you were drinking a lot
-Jedwyn no longer has the singing lady in his head
​
​
Quotes
​
"Are you guys looking at 'ratedads.com'?" - Dusty
"I'm on OKCupid, the plenty of fish of 2016" - Vanessa
"I mean, yeah, people send me sexy messages, which are like, 'Hey, do you mind fucking a married guy? My wife wants to fuck you too' " - A very humble Vanessa
"I don't know what the name of the device is COOOORRRREEEY" - irate Matt
"Mother Fucker trying outsmart me with references, fuck you" - irate Matt winning
"So how do we link with Fritz? Touch him? Docking?" - Dusty
"You get a Queef..." - Mark, having a Freud moment
"This podcast sucks without Rory" - Dusty
​
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