Hotels near l'auberge casino baton rouge

Hi there! I’m in southern Louisiana, and while it would be awesome if you are in the Baton Rouge or New Orleans area — I’m realistic. So, I am open to long distance as long as you are willing to put in the same work I am. :)
I am partnered, and I have been poly for nearly 20 years. I have children with my partner, so I am firmly invested in this relationship; however, I would love to meet someone who is similarly partnered and understands the demands life can bring at times. If you are not partnered, that’s okay! We can still talk!
I am short, round (small BBW), dark hair with lots of grays, and pale skin with all the freckles. I enjoy live music, crafting, Mardi Gras, costuming, and thrift shopping. Queer friendly, and pansexual. If you aren’t outraged at the the attack on the LGBTQ+ community, we definitely won’t work out.
Things I’m definitely not looking for: being part of a harem or being your unicorn. I cannot say this enough — no couples.
Be fabulous!

Let me start off by saying I have always been extremely reclusive and the past nearly five years have been nothing short of me going to great lengths to avoid people at all costs outside of work (which had been mostly remotely since the pandemic) and going to the grocery store. I only recently managed to start to be able to go to the gym again to try to gain some strength back to help with my uneasiness after I was r**** around 4 years ago. It was so bad that I would pull up to the gym and see one guy there and then just leave, or try to wait in my car for them to leave first. When I lived in an apartment I even waited to take out my trash til the middle of the night so I didn’t have to see or interact with anyone. If I opened my door and someone was in the hallway, I’d go back inside until they were gone then leave. I generally will not exit my car if there are people around either. Finally at the gym, I slowly but surely got myself to start going in and have been fairly consistent. I used to never be scared of people I just never liked being around them. Adding that aspect really changed a lot of things for me. Recently I let some online friends all convince me to go to a massive music festival (500,000 attendees?) that I was in no way mentally (or otherwise) prepared for and I’m just at a loss on how to move forward from here. Leading up to the vacation I was in all sorts of bad shape medically going through various things with trying new medications for migraines and dealing with stomach ulcer issues, etc... high stress with my job and a particular friendship with one of the other people in the group who would be attending with us, things like that. I kept mentioning to everyone including that friend I was struggling with that I don’t think I should come. I tried to stress how hard this was going to be for me and I didn’t want to be a bother to anyone else but I don’t think they understood or tried to understand. To be honest, as bad as it feels, and I’m not sure, this could just be in my head, I feel like they didn’t care because we both had wanted to meet each other for a long time and had been past just being simply friends but weren’t dating so they may have just wanted to sleep with me. I don’t want to think that but I can’t be sure and although I brought it up later on in the trip they never clarified - more on that later. Anyway, any time I mentioned I shouldn’t come, I would either be treated like I was using this as a threat/to take something away from/be mean to my friend who I was having high tensions with OR met with reassurance that I’d be in a safe place with people who cared about me. Which made it very confusing and in the end I did go. A couple things to mention I have a lot of other trauma from my childhood and I do not function normally at all, I have C-PTSD, severe anxiety, and a lot of of other things that I think I will have to see a specialist for because really simple things tend to be hard for me. I ended up meeting with my long time friend I’d been having a rocky time with a day later than planned and after having missed a flight and being up 36+ hours the day before and working a 10-hour shift the day prior too. Everything was chaotic and I felt like the worlds biggest mess. I’ve never looked worse or felt more scatterbrained in my life. For the sake of the rest of this story I’ll call my friend: S. I’d known this person online since covid, so for about 3 years and we had been extremely close off and on. I have so much love for this person which is crazy because I usually do not care for people much or find it very hard. In the beginning of our friendship they were very caring and attentive but there were also drugs and alcohol involved and at the time I don’t think I realized a lot of the things they told me that meant a lot to me were probably when they were on drugs like molly. At the time I was pretty unfamiliar with that. I barely drank. Also probably worth mentioning S may have some issues of their own, behavioral or developmental and so they’re not “normal” like everyone else which is why I think we got along so well. We both could talk about the strangest things all day and have very particular interests and just really enjoyed spending time together prior to getting more heavily involved when arguments became more frequent. Back to the vacation: I was so nervous to be flying but finally got off my last plane and S was there to meet me near my baggage claim. I couldn’t believe I was finally meeting him. There were some definite differences I noticed in what I imagined or thought he would be like in person compared to what I’d seen from him online. He definitely had a cool, calm demeanor online but felt a bit more dorky in person which I actually loved. He was sweet and helped me with my bags and I nervously rambled about what I mess I was and how I’d already been having a difficult time. We talked about not doing anything sexual but sure enough at the hotel he was already making advances to get on my bed (we had two beds). I think my conversation and my obvious attentiveness to what he was doing kept him from actually moving to my bed without asking. Eventually he did ask to cuddle and we did have sex. Not really shocking considering I’ve always been extremely into him and vice versa. Between that day and the next we just got to enjoy each other’s company, sight-see, and got great food then eventually checked out of the hotel to meet up with everyone else in our group, get situated in our camping spot/the rv and get ready for the music festival. This is when it started going sour. I don’t think S was in any way prepared for how much comfort I needed around this amount of people. I come from a very rural area with towns that have around 1,200 occupants. The closest city has 70,000 and again I am not comfortable being around people regardless. Not sure if this trauma related or if I am on the spectrum with aspergers or autism but being around people gives me this extreme discomfort that I would liken to ripping my skin off. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’ve found that drugs and or alcohol can help or being around someone who makes me feel safe can help but it’s just so unsettling. So I try my best the first day, I’m quite stiff the whole time. We all had done some acid but I only did a half tab because I knew it could make things much worse, at best it might allow me to loosen up a bit. It didn’t. It made me nauseous. Uneasy. More needy. I convince S to go back with me to a place I know I can get some molly (not from strangers) so I am less tense and don’t have a meltdown. I know using drugs especially like molly is not a good answer for what I was going through but I felt like I was about to have some psychotic episode to be honest. I was so out of my element and S was having the time of his life - he absolutely LOVES music and I don’t think I could have a proper conversation with him to explain how I was feeling or get him to understand/care so I felt like it was my only option unfortunately. Anyway, it did help the night go a bit more smoothly. I let myself relax... a little. I had some fun. Not much which is sad because this was an extremely expensive festival to attend but I was having so much trouble getting out of my head. So many negative thoughts and weird emotions were rushing over me the entire time and I couldn’t get them to stop. The second night I was more prepared. Again, I did molly but nothing else. My friends had brought other things but I knew I had to be careful not to put myself in a position to have a bad trip or to make things worse. Molly is pretty straight forward and can more or less force a good time and me to relax to I kept with that instead. This was a common theme the duration of the 3-day festival. So the second day was the only day I could actually say I truly had fun. I enjoyed the music so much. Watching S have fun made my heart feel so full. He loves to dance and I took tons of videos of him enjoying himself. Other than me having to constantly get water and go to the restrooms it was pretty great. We were the last ones back to the rv and we messed around a bit since everyone was asleep and in a different part of the rv where they couldn’t heasee us. He fell asleep with me for a bit then went to get up and go to his bed but for some reason opened the rv door and left it wide open? It was so effing hot out and my bed was in the dining area where all the heat was coming in so I get upset... mostly because I can’t get the door to close. Idk why but we all had issues with this rv door the whole time we had it. Not sure if it was broken or what, half the stuff listed on the rv was broken so wouldn’t surprise me. So I just try to hold the door closed, super exhausted but perched near the stairs inside of the rv and after 5-9 minutes of S being gone he comes back and I kind of go off on him. I don’t know how bad, I don’t think I said anything hurtful just like, “Why would you leave it open? I’m tired but I had to sit here and hold the door closed because it’s so hot...” but my tone was rough and I could see a sad, disappointed look in his face. Like we just had so much fun and that’s the last thing he experienced before going to bed. The next day I was hoping would be the best day because I was hoping I’d get more relaxed around people but about 2 hours into the night we get stuck at these really great sets and S is up front literally fist bumping one of the DJs that he adores and completely euphoric. I stay back and take videos of him because I know people will be taking videos and I don’t want to be up there and have attention on me or be touching bodies with so many people. Just a really uncomfortable situation for me. Over an hour passes and I really have to pee, I don’t want to bother S and he hasn’t come over to check on me once so I test the waters by walking away to throw something in the trash. I think to myself that maybe I can find a bathroom. I go back to my original spot, see S and then think again that I really don’t want to bother him and it will make me uncomfortable to go up there and also to try to shout in his ear that I need to use the restroom. We had to wear earplugs this whole time and he really wasn’t listening to me or paying much attention to me at this point because he was so lost in the music. To be honest there’d been a few times he completely dismissed me trying to talk to him already during the festival so I weighed the options and felt like it wasn’t worth me being so uncomfortable just for him to most likely wave me off and not listen to me anyway. So I go to try to find the bathrooms on my own. 45 minutes later and I still haven’t found them. I don’t know how. There’s just so many people, I’m kind of short and my eyesight is shit and I just have no idea what I’m doing. I keep ending back by where S was so I go back to where I was standing originally and still see him. Finally I go up to him and just shout, “I’m leaving,” thinking he would follow far enough out of that tightly packed crown in front of the DJ that I could say more. He shouted back he wasn’t leaving. I think I went back and said it a second time then started walking away and waited 30-45 seconds to see if he followed. He didn’t. Probably didn’t help there was a mostly naked chick dancing right next to him up there either. At this point I can tell I’m the last thing on his mind. I think he actually scowled at me when I was trying to talk to him like I was definitely bothering him at this point. In the past he told me he likes to do things alone and he’s even told me I get in the way (you choose the context, you’re right either way) so I know he’d reached his limit with me. It sucks because he promised he’d be with me the whole time and convinced me to come when I didn’t want to based on telling me I’d be safe and yadda yadda but he literally wouldn’t even give me the time of day if I asked. Doesn’t hurt to mention throughout this whole festival ($700+ tickets btw) that I never got to see anyone I wanted to see. It was just him dragging me to every set he wanted except for ONE which was a set he wanted to see anyway. Regardless, I had to leave again and try to find the restroom. I eventually did then found my way back. He’s gone even after saying he wasn’t leaving. I can’t get in touch with him he has no reception or data at this place. He’d been asking me to hotspot so he could’ve asked somebody else but he didn’t. I tried to contact the rest of the group in our rv but no one gets back to me for several hours. I couldn’t enjoy the music at this point because I’m having a panic attack in a sea of people I don’t want to be around, completely sober at this point, lost the one person I care about in a way where I know he will blame me, and can’t get ahold of anybody. I basically power walked around by myself for 3-4ish hours just to keep myself occupied and then eventually was able to meet up with some other people from our group. S is with them. I was so hurt. I know none of them understood what I was going though but they convinced me to come and left me alone and didn’t even care. I felt used by S too. I felt like his whole goal was just to get me here to sleep with me and he didn’t care about the rest or treating me decent, especially because our friendship leading up to this point had been so rocky and he completely just started tuning me out. Lots of mixed signals and lies to be honest, while also accusing me of lying when I wouldn’t be and saying he doesn’t trust me. I have so many things running through my head. Unfortunately two of our group separate to go meet up with some other people they met earlier that night and leave S and I alone again. I don’t know where I’m going or what to do again. S asks me if I’m going back to the rv and I stupidly just don’t respond. I found that he stonewalls me so much, sometimes for hours or days that I started doing it back here and there and it never goes well. If I don’t respond to him he obviously just gets pissed and walks off. I realize I don’t want to be left alone again and try to follow after him but he’s super tall and I have a really hard time keeping up plus I think he’s intentionally trying to lose me because he starts weaving in between rvs and I think hid behind one for a moment. I saw him come back out and look around but must not have seen me. So I got lost once when he did that but then found him again but then got lost a second time because I just couldn’t keep up. Anyway I make it back to the rv and he’s not there, no one is and it’s locked but I have one of the two keys. I probably should have unlocked it? But being in high anxiety mode I think I was more worried about leaving all our valuables unattended especially when one of the previous nights somebody was trying to get into our rv multiple times even with it locked. So I left it locked and walked towards the camp bathrooms to see if S was there. Not sure why I was looking for S, I guess I just didn’t want to be alone. Didn’t find him there so walk back to the rv again and find 3 of our group had just walked up so I unlock it and we go in. 2 others go shower and S gathers his things to shower and walks out. While he’s gone I go to grab his dab vape from his bag because I knew exactly where it was and I thought it would calm me down because I don’t need much. I grab the whole vape because I wanted to sit on my own bed and hit it. Anyway apparently he wasn’t going to shower and he returned while I had it and was looking for it and asked me where it was. Again, stupidly I don’t answer or at least not how he wanted. I answer his question with another question, “why?” Just being difficult. Honestly I recognize how toxic this is on its own in hindsight but at the time I think in my head I was just thinking about all the times he would ignore me for hours or days and I wasn’t able to ask a simple question or get a simple answer so I thought this was somehow justified based on those previous interactions which is ridiculous. In any case this goes over VERY badly. When some of our other group comes back he goes to one of them and tells them I went through his bags, implying all of them, and stole (yes, called me a thief) his entire vape. Not just a hit. Which by the way I was never even able to get hit off the vape because for some reason either I was doing something wrong or it wasn’t working/was dead/empty. I saw S hitting it later so no idea what I was doing wrong but I’d used it earlier and it wasn’t like it was complicated. Anyway not only that S who also always had a way of making an argument out of nothing also started accusing me of lying about walking back to the rv and seeing him there the first time I got back and just not unlocking the rv for him. Maybe he was hiding around the side of it? But I truly didn’t see him. He just starts calling me a thief and a liar on these grounds in front of or to, since he’s not really talking to me, our mutual friends. Somewhere in all of this I think I had said some pretty terrible things to him like having wished I never met him, nobody would ever want to be with him (he is not affectionate or caring but it’s not my place to say something like that so while I may feel like there’s some valid reasoning for it it’s obviously not okay), and some other things I regret. We also had another part of vacation planned just the two of us after the festival where we were to split off from the rest of the group and at some point I told him I felt like he completely tricked me into coming without caring about me at all and that I no longer wanted to go the rest of the trip with him or would pay him for our room we stayed together in previously because I may need that money to book something else. Which that part was just stingy. My portion of the room was $110. I think I was just thinking of how I spent $2500 (minimum, closer to $3,500 at this point) to go on a vacation where I had a massive extended panic attack the whole time, got abandoned, and didn’t get to enjoy much of what I wanted while he got everything he wanted. We barely talked the next day. We were supposed to leave the following morning (2 days after the horrible last day of the festival) to continue our vacation. Our more financially blessed friend got a hotel for everyone that hadn’t left yet so we could relax before the rest of us head home or elsewhere. While everyone else goes to the pool and to check out the casino I tried to talk to S about what was going on. Said I would pay but I need to know he isn’t lying about plans. He’d gone back and forth on a couple things and I felt like I might not have a place to stay at one of our next locations since it was with one of his friends, not a hotel. He refused to answer any questions, per usual. Even just me asking, “will I have a place to stay?” At this point he wanted me to pay him for the hotel we stayed at previously and for all of our other accommodations upfront but would not tell me if I was actually going to have somewhere to stay the entire time or would need to get another hotel on my own. I’m in panic mode, with everything going on and even simple things being hard for me I needed to know this but he wouldn’t tell me. The only thing he would say about every five minutes was, “pay me or leave me alone,” and he’d slip in, “thief,” here and there. This goes on for two hours. At one point I notice he’s recording me as I’m telling him I can’t pay him for everything if I don’t know that I’m going to have somewhere to stay. He could cancel plans and completely screw me over. This is important because he does in fact, cancel plans. But at the time he won’t say anything but to pay him. Eventually one of our group members come back and reluctantly gets involved and obviously tells me that I should pay for the room we stayed in which I do agree (even though I should’ve mentioned I paid for all our expensive meals while we were there) and that S should apologize which is what I was asking of him so that I could take it as the smallest sign he could be trusted not to screw me over, I’d pay him, and we could get on with everything. I ask for S’ PayPal and even though he recorded himself telling me to pay him and what seemed like me saying I wouldn’t (without knowing I’d have somewhere to say) it was odd because he was trying to refuse to give it to me, asking, “why?” I said, “why do you think I’m asking for your PayPal? You wanted me to pay you.” And then then he’d say he didn’t trust me with it. We still weren’t sure if we were going to continue with the trip and he asked me to leave the room so he could talk to our other friend. I knew he was going to show him the video/recording. I went to the other hotel room and unfortunately fell asleep. Our plane was supposed to be leaving in <6 hours so this was all incredibly rushed timing. I wake up and he had sent me a text message asking what room I’m in so we can talk. I reply I’m tired and just go to their room instead. By then everyone is back so we talk in the hallway. He says meet him at 6:30 am in the hall and be ready to go. He finally sends me the email associated with his PayPal and I send a test amount to make sure it goes to the right place. It shows his full name and doesn’t say anything about the email being unconfirmed. Back in my room I fall asleep on accident again and wake up to a message from him saying he didn’t receive anything and not to send anything else, and another message saying he doesn’t trust me and he’s sorry but he’s cancelling his flights and the accommodations. I catch him leaving at 6:30 on his own. I was crying and tried to talk to him but he just looked at me with a blank face and told me it’s my fault. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been about a week. It’s worth mentioning in our friendship leading up to this that he would often start problems when there were none just to say he had a reason to not want to talk to me and would ignore me for days at a time which is part of why I didn’t want to go on the vacation to begin with on top of me severe issues with everything else. I know that my anxieties and the hurtful things I said were or should have been in my control and I feel terrible about that but I can’t help but think he had this planned. Especially with recording him telling me to pay him then refusing to give me his PayPal. In fact for days after I messaged him to get his PayPal with no response, tried contacting his friend he was with to ask for it as well or to see if I could send the money to them and they could send it to S but they just said they’d pass the message on and never got back to me. I know he showed that video to people and tried to say I wouldn’t pay him and then refused to allow me to pay him to make me look bad and I don’t understand that. In the end he had to pay our friend (who initially covered the rv) his portion for the rv, so I had that friend forward my money to S on PayPal since he had him in his contacts after that. I even overpaid S, almost double to help with the ubers and for a vape since he may or may not think I tried to steal his. I guess now I’m just left with trying to process everything. Are we at equal fault? Is it more one person than the other? Is it forgivable? I have a hard time with boundaries and I don’t make lots of friends so this person means a lot to me. I’m worried about potentially getting sucked back into something that’s bad for me but also not caring about myself enough to stop it, I guess. For added context S and I quit talking once before and he even told me that we, “were never even really friends,” even though we’d spend 13 hours together a day just talking or playing games. It makes it hard to rationalize what’s real or what’s not. I think I need therapy. Does anyone have anything to offer here?

Sorry I've been gone for a bit, I had a storyline to finish up and a few bad bouts of writer's block, but I managed to get to this finished up! Here's Season 4, eps 1-13! Be sure to leave some feedback!
Season 4 (March-April):

1. Truth: First change (shared with Lies): Lukanette/Adrigami are clearly established to have been a thing over multiple weeks/a month, with the NY special being the second(?) time they’re truly established. I doubt it’s truly satisfactory, but stuff still has to work within this specific season/the larger narrative, so… eh. Second change: Andrew Hendrol is present for the concert on the Liberty (“I might have to challenge you guys to a battle of the bands one day.”) and slips off to transform into Dragonus just before Luka arrives akumatized. He absorbs Truth/Eyebeam’s (renamed Light Eye) powers then buggers off to appear later in Lies. Third change: Shadow Moth’s design. While I personally like it, it wasn’t terribly popular. So here's a slight redesign: the main body can stay the same with its purple overcoat and black lapels but make the purple a bit darker and the lapel is the same as it was on Hawk Moth. His cowl is now a chromed blue with a peacock feather “eye” right on the forehead instead of his Zuko monocle. His skin turns indigo like Mayura’s and his eyes are like Duusu’s, but more malevolent. The biggest change to his costume is the function of the tailcoat itself: its tail is like a male peacock’s train, long and vibrant blue with pinkish feather eyes in the back, and it opens and spreads in reaction to his emotions. For example, if he’s pleased or angry, it opens up and spreads out behind him, and if he’s exasperated/neutral, it folds back down. Fourth change: Marinette’s transformation into Ladybug is fixed this time around.
   
2. Lies: First change: Marinette isn’t as fan-girly over the Adrien life showing, instead wondering if he’s doing alright with his schedule. Tikki and the others assure her that he’s probably used to it, and she doesn’t have to be so worried about it. Of course, this doesn’t dissuade her nerves, especially not when the modeling session the show films has Lila in it. Second change: The art room scene gets a couple added lines of dialogue (“Adrien. Our parents raised us for perfection, but we don’t need that. We’re already perfect. We’re perfect. Just show me your truth.” “But… I’m not sure what that truth is.” “Let me show you.”) before their class starts. Third change: the Hendrols are present for Prince Ali’s birthday party – it’s why Dragonus skedaddled from the fight – and Andrew manages to hide and transform without anyone noticing, avoiding Lies’ sphere. Even Dragonus can’t risk touching the sphere, even if his cravings for power – much like a vampire – don’t go away.
   
3. Gang of Secrets: First change: Tikki attempts to console Marinette after she talks about worrying about Shadow Moth and Dragonus (“Well, Duusu had always been a bit chaotic. I could imagine that he might be causing Shadow Moth a problem or two. As for Dragonus… he can’t have it much better than you right now, right?”), which cuts to Andrew Hendrol and the Dark kwamis all having a dance party to unknown song that sounds suspiciously similar to “Hips Don’t Lie”. Second change: Instead of the girls just barging up, Tom and Sabine give them permission to go up and check on Marinette. “She hasn’t been answering for us, maybe she will for you.” And the dollhouse doesn’t break from Rose taking off the roof. Rather, Rose trips on something – maybe a roll of thread or a screwdriver or loose paper – and knocks into it. Same result, though, but Alya rightfully calls Mari out: “Okay, Marinette, something is really wrong with you. I’m sorry we can in uninvited, but your parents said we needed to check up on you, and I’m sorry Rose broke the house, but it was a complete accident and you’re blowing up over it. There’s more going on here than just boy trouble, isn’t there? We’re your friends, girl, we want to help.” To which Mari replies: “Maybe I don’t want your help, or your friendship anymore. Get out!” Third change: Dragonus swoops in during the fight and knocks around the Gang of Secrets himself after LB catches Lady Wifi, which inadvertently gives LB time to talk LW into rejecting her powers. Fourth change: Rena Rouge doesn’t look as off in this episode, where her skin was a few tones too light. Dunno if it was intentional, but that still could be fixed. The episode ends as normal.
   
4. Mr. Pigeon 72: First change: a biggie. Alya acknowledges Lila’s number of akumatizations and says, “You know, even if you couldn’t tell me about Lila’s lying about being BFFs with Ladybug, you still could’ve told me – or anyone, for that matter – about how she threatened you in the bathroom. No one threatens my BFF with impunity.” I know a lot of people were upset with Alya’s passiveness over the whole Lila situation, but this line will have impact throughout the rest of the rework. Second change: I found this out on a whim, but it turns out city pigeons are a kind of dove, so Bob Roth wasn’t entirely wrong. Fun. Third change: Andrew Hendrol is watching the evil pigeons transform people outside and figures out he can’t go out, transformed or not, without getting touched. Vorrath: “When has that stopped you before?” Andrew: “I’ve got it.” Cut to later, he invades the fight between the illusions and Mr. Pigeon in a giant mech made out of a sentimonster that he teleported into so he could fight. Overkill doesn’t begin to cover this guy. Fourth change: I’m tempted to change Ladybug’s Lucky Charm suit to her permanent one, but if I did, certain episodes wouldn’t have as much oomph later… hmmm. For now, her suit can stay the same.
   
5. Psycomedian: Honestly don’t know what to do with this one, it’s a fairly solid little episode; funny, love square-y, gives Gabriel some background and Cat Noir some spotlight. I guess I can really just add Dragonus to the mix: Psycomedian tries his emotion-gimmick on him and he no-sells it (there is a lot, and I mean a lot of lore behind Dragonus/Andrew Hendrol, so I think it would be easier to link my original fics with him up to the point I’m at for posting and you can explore his background there, as well as his powers) then proceeds to quickly skirmish with Angrybug: “There’s the fire I sensed when I absorbed your powers! Why don’t you let loose like this a little more? Finish the job!” (Again, lore makes sense if you read my main fics, I’m sorry, but he’s such a big character in my works that I don’t know how to condense it down. I’ll try but expect that later.)
   
6. Furious Fu: First change: I’m really, really confused as to why Fu and Marianne are not referred to as husband/wife or at least married. They would’ve gotten married, right? It’s not a thing that I or the fandom seem to be upset about, I’m just super confused, and if anyone is willing to enlighten me, I’d be thankful. For now, Fu and Marianne are a couple, husband and wife, like they should’ve been since Backwarder or before. Second change: During the fight between LB/CN and Su-Han, guess who shows up but Dragonus. Su-Han freezes for a moment, which gives LB/CN time to snatch the Miracle Box, but Su-Han tries to pull it back. SH: “Ladybug! You did not tell me the Dark Dragon Miraculous was in Paris!” CN: “Sounds like you never asked!” Dragonus: sarcastically “Aw, now you’ve hurt my feelings.” Draws sword and points it at SH. “So you’re the Celestial Guardian I heard about. Head honcho, I’m guessing.” SH turns his aggression towards Dragonus. SH: “You and your kind are a blighted spot amongst the history of the Miraculous, demon!” Lunges. “Heavenly Retribution! The Righteous Will of the Justiciar Breaks the World’s Evil!” Dragonus dodges most of the attacks and matches a few of them, but Su-Han lands one good punch to the stomach. Dragonus: “growls Alright, then. You aren’t as much of a pushover as they are… or the Guardians at the Temple were. If we’re going to talk in metaphors, here's mine.” Flies away from SH and presses center of sword, opening a compartment and pulls out a purple pendant on a chain, emblazoned with a stylized T-rex face. “The grand unity of dinosaurs and dragons humbles the arrogant monk. Rexx, Vorrath, Unify!” (See here for appearance: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42733506/chapters/114090748 use ctrl-F and search "Thero"). “Thero Dragon flies as the Dark Guardian!” This reveals to everyone present that Dragonus has more of the Dark Miraculouses at his disposal and subsequent “oh crap” from Su-Han reveals how serious it is. By this point, LB/CN ran off, Thero Dragon taunts Su-Han and flies off, then doesn’t return until the battle with Furious Fu in the stadium, where he absorbs FF’s powers and briefly fights LB/CN before flying off again, proclaiming that “You haven’t seen the last of Thero Dragon!”. Episode ends as normal, but Su-Han will appear again this rewrite before Ephemeral.
   
7. Sole Crusher: Okay, major change time again. I know a lot – almost utterly ridiculously so – of people do/did not like Zoe in the slightest. But, since I’m trying to stay fairly… fair to the source material (while adding new and interesting concepts), we are including Zoe, only her introduction is going to be quite different. Zoe has come to Paris because her time at her boarding school was cut short due to complete and total bullying, and her own father, a man we know as Robert Lee from Audrey, is too distant to think of another arrangement within NY and sends her to Paris to be with her mother. So, Zoe is going to be quite sullen/angry with her situation, and this becomes apparent when Marinette runs into her. Marinette apologizes profusely, but Zoe gives her a glare and basically tells her to bugger off. Marinette, though, recognizes something is wrong and pries just a little more (and it’s framed as Marinette trying to keep Zoe from attracting Shadow Moth’s attention while simultaneously trying to help), and Zoe reveals a bit of what’s happened – including the one friend – but not the full story nor which family she’s living with. Marinette, being the all-but-Lila-loving hero she is, preps a bag for the new girl. “Even if life has been bitter, it helps to have something sweet!” Marinette says. Zoe gives her a strange look. “What’s your angle? Everyone has one. Why’re you helping me?” Zoe asks, confused and suspicious. Marinette blinks in surprise and shrugs. “It’s the right thing to do, especially when you’re in a new place. I gave you my number if you’d like to chat.” Zoe blinks twice, clearly surprised by the generosity and seeming genuine nature of the girl in front of her. “Okay, then. I guess I should give you mine so… you know.” Marinette holds out her hand. “So I don’t lose it.” The first step to breaking Zoe’s rough exterior has been taken, but said rough exterior still persists when Zoe arrives at the hotel. Another major change: Audrey, while trying to be more supportive of Chloe, still has her preferred child, and that preferred child is Zoe, because, and this will cause drama later, “Zoe is one of only four people in my life who don’t grovel at my feet.” Chloe walks into the lounge/dining hall and hears this and immediately goes nuclear, but her rant is cut short by Zoe snapping at her to “Shut your mouth, you little brat.” Chloe is, of course, horrifically offended, but Audrey breaks it up before it escalates and sends them to get to know each other better… which, given this Zoe, goes about as well as expected. She snaps at all of Chloe’s rules, throws the diamond heels, and when Chloe calls her a “horrible half-of-a-sister”, Zoe throws it right back at her. This back-and-forth continues to school, where Zoe doesn’t bend to Chloe’s whims, but instead blows up at her again – which inadvertently does two things: it proves that Zoe isn’t like Chloe, but she’s quote-unquote “bad” in other ways. Of course, someone – Andrew Hendrol – sees this whole debacle and comments, “Such a powerful response to Chloe’s bratty self, such a temper. Oh, yesss, I like her.” There’s still “scaring Damocles” and “Marinette/girls talk about Zoe and Chloe”, but it’s less of Chloe’s influence and more “wow she’s scary but I bet Chloe had something to do with it.” Marinette and Zoe’s text still goes through, and Chloe still snaps at her for texting Marinette, but Zoe just snaps at her. “It’s none of your business, Chloe.” Chloe, on the other hand, makes it her business and goes back to her notebook, eventually landing on cockroaches in the locker (reused material, really?) to punish Marinette, and Zoe actually stumbles, a haunted look in her eyes. She staggers out of the room (taking the heels with her) and out to the roof, prepping to throw the shoes away in anger (perhaps a metaphor for something more disturbing) before losing the will to and she just breaks, resting her head against the bar and starts to cry. Andre comes up to her, they talk, and Zoe reveals her original dream of acting. “I’m good at it, but then everyone expected a different Zoe and they pressured me and I broke and now I can’t think of acting or anything without getting angry… I don’t like being angry. Not with the people who don’t deserve it, not with Chloe, not with anyone… I just want to be me, but I’m scared that the angry one is me…” Andre sighs. “You know, it might be good for you to… put a little bit of time between your past and now. Choose what you want to put in the Dream Cellar, and once you’ve… adjusted, you can come get it. Or you can leave it. The choice is yours.” Zoe’s akumatization stays the same, the general akuma battle remains the same, except for Thero Dragon Siphoning off Sole Crusher’s powers and stomping a few civilians for big kaiju battle time while taunting Chloe (“You can run, but I know I’m in your nightmares!”), which provides LB/CN enough time to find the akumatized sneakers and break them. The barge scene is a little different: Zoe explains what happened, and while her backstory with the crowds and roaches hasn’t changed too much, she adds, “I had one friend, but even she wasn’t around very much… not enough to help me when I needed it. I don’t blame her, she had a rough childhood, too, but I still pent that up. I’m sorry you had to see my outbursts. I get it if you don’t want to be my friend.” Of course, huggy happiness still ensues, the Bourgeois confrontation still happens, though Chloe’s basis for her demands is “If she stays here, she’ll make me stress out and ruin my perfect me!” and her threat is to crush you like your NY classmates did, while Audrey just rolls her eyes. “Chloe, quit being melodramatic. I understand Zoe’s not been the best sister – which is a discussion we will have later – but she’s not going back to New York now. I’m certainly not going to be responsible for her return fares.” The episode ends with Andre asking Zoe to “Call me Dad. I know your father is… distant, and I don’t know if I can replace him, but-” Zoe hugs him. “Thanks, Dad. Promise me you’ll make the choice to take your past out of the cellar, too.” The episode ends the same, with a much happier Zoe thanking Marinette for everything as a photo album (with dates so we can at least see it was a week or two between this and Queen Banana!) plays across the screen.
   
8. Queen Banana: First change: Chloe’s “half-of-a-sister” bit when she bursts into the art room is now “Giving the lead role to my half-of-a-sister who just came out of nowhere a week ago?!”, and all of the talk of going back to New York is replaced with snappy but ultimately toothless posturing about ruining her life. Zoe, of course, is having none of that and snaps back at her with “The only way you’re ruining this movie is if you pry it from our hands!” The art room scene ends the same way as in the original, but the scene in Bob Roth’s office is changed a little bit: Not as much mention of going back to New York and more mention of Chloe’s pride as she says “You said our hands, which apparently includes the producer’s hands, too. Oh, I love a good loophole!” Zoe is oddly okay with this and confidently whispers to the others “We just need to outlast her, trust me.” Second change: Andrew Hendrol is part of the filming crew – “Live soundtrack design” he calls it, while Chloe calls it useless – and escapes the ‘enchanted sleep’ part of the filming, and is shown to get increasingly more annoyed with Chloe, to the point of risking his secret identity as Thero Dragon by offering to play the fire-breathing dragon suggested by Alya (“Lemme do it, I’ll knock that role out of the park, just let me actually blast her with fire.”). Third change: After Marinette’s rousing soapbox speech, Zoe pats her on the shoulder. “See what I meant about outlasting her?” Fourth change: Not to be outdone, Everett Hendrol, Andrew’s father (who is also present in the theater unlike Gabriel, showcasing the closer relationship Everett has with his son than Gabriel does with his), has also chipped in some pocket change (an amount of several thousand euros in Europe money I guess), so the film is entirely cut off from the city’s funding and Chloe’s interference, and when Chloe runs off, Everett darkly chuckles once as Andrew calls out “Cry me a river, Queen Banana!” (Everett is aware of Chloe’s antics and the Hendrols as a family have no sympathy for those, especially the rich, who act like fools). Fifth change: Again, Chloe’s revenge plan isn’t to get Zoe sent back to NY, she’s going to crush Zoe in a way only she can come up with… which is banana. Sixth change: There’s less of a “my fault” moment from Zoe and that weird “promise” bit is gone, now it’s just Zoe deciding to face down her sister and give her a reality check. “You want to know why we waited until you were gone to shoot the movie? Why we talked Gabriel Agreste into funding it? It’s because no one could stand your bratty behavior! Not because we hate you, not because anyone turned against you, but because you couldn’t swallow your pride and work as part of the team. If this is how you acted as part of Ladybug’s team when you were Queen Bee, it’s no wonder you were kicked off!” Queen Banana gets infuriated, Ladybug saves Zoe, they scooter off into the subway, where Ladybug commends Zoe’s bravery, but definitely winces a little bit regarding Queen Bee. “Chloe, for all her faults, wasn’t terrible as Queen Bee, but she really had attachment issues to the Miraculous, even after I tried… and failed to explain to her that her secret identity was compromised. But I doubt I’ll have that issue with you. Zoe Lee, (insert Miraculous speech here).” Seventh change: Once Queen Banana’s banana gun is glued up and she realizes she’s about to lose and runs, guess what, Thero Dragon drops in front of her, triggering Chloe’s trauma from the Miracle Queen incident. Thero Dragon Siphons off Queen Banana’s banana powers for the fun of it, then activates the power of the Dark T-rex Miraculous, Silver Tongue, which manifests as a purple blast of energy that, if it hits a human target, allows the T-rex holder to manipulate the minds of their target… which Thero Dragon uses to break down all of Chloe’s confidence and restraints, all the while tormenting her with things like “Your mother hates you,” “Your so-called friends despise you,” and “You’re utterly ridiculous.” Ladybug and Cat Noir start driving him back, but he managed to do enough damage as he needed. “I don’t know why you bother defending a traitor,” he says. “She wouldn’t do the same for you.” Queen Banana by now has fallen back, crying, and freeing her from Shadow Moth is an act of mercy, but Chloe still refuses the Magical Charm based on her own (self-nurtured) hatred for Ladybug and Vesperia, both for replacing her and failing to save her from Thero Dragon. Eighth change: Chloe, in her anger, swings at Zoe when she declares her hate, only for Zoe to catch it way too fast and lower Chloe’s fist while she gives her speech, and once Chloe takes the Charm and the akuma is repelled, Andre steps in and reprimands her for trying to hit Zoe, even going so far as to… “Chloe Bourgeois, your behavior is becoming completely unacceptable. You are embarrassing yourself and your family. Give me your phone. You are hereby grounded for a week.” Chloe looks shocked. “WHAT?!?” Andre is stern. “I’ve failed as a father. I should’ve tried to keep your behavior in check when you acted out, and I see I’ve failed terribly. There are so many people we will have to apologize to, especially your classmates for everything you’ve done to them.” The episode ends with Marinette and Tikki wondering if this new approach to Chloe’s behavior will do anything good.
   
9. Gabriel Agreste: First change: Shadow Moth’s monologue is merged with Gabriel’s scene in the mausoleum under the mansion, first with Gabriel with his back to Emilie’s coffin before he turns to face it. Second change: When Nathalie offers Gabriel half of her sandwich, he initially refuses (“You need your strength.”) and she insists, then he crumbles (“You’ll need your strength, too.” “…Alright. Thank you.”). Third change: Andrew Hendrol is not present at the art-room fairy-tale-comparison blah thing, but Zoe’s response to Marinette’s question changes to “My mother has been attempting to treat her kids equally. Unfortunately, that means when Chloe got grounded for a week, I had to miss out on the dinner party. Had I known this was gonna happen, I would’ve put up more of a fight.” Also because of this, Zoe is NOT in Marinette’s room, but she is patched into the whole conversation thanks to Max and Markov. Fourth change: Audrey Bourgeois is throwing glares at Andre (apparently over punishing Chloe) and takes note of the solitary gold-trimmed black mask shaped like a lion’s head. “Don’t tell me he’s coming. You invited Hendrol?” “I had to. Otherwise he’d invite himself and ruin everything unexpectedly. At least now we can expect it.” Continuing the trend, after the Tsurugis arrive at the party, a shiny silver sedan rolls into the front gate, and Everett and Andrew Hendrol step out. Everett is in a pure white suit, in complete contrast to the rest of the party, and the hostility in the air is palpable as the car mogul and his son enter the foyer. “Gabriel.” “Everett. I would… like to welcome you to the party. Though the dress code specified darker clothes for all attendees.” “Really? I didn’t notice that, but even if I had, my black suits are all being cleaned. This is all I had.” “Indeed. Your mask, as requested.” Everett weighs the black lion mask in his hand. “Well, it’s not quite the cut obsidian I had hoped, but given your work, I shouldn’t be surprised.” Gabriel is imperceptibly seething. “I must ask you to stow your device-” “Neither of us will do that, and your little scrambler isn’t going to work on it, either. Your tricks, Gabriel, have been done by men greater than you a thousand times. And I’m the only one still standing.” Of course, when Chloe and Marinette sneak into the ballroom, everyone is giving Everett Hendrol a wide berth as he’s drinking something. Sixth change: The transformation into Shadow Moth from civilian form is still “Nooroo, Duusu, Unify!” I always hated that Dual Metamorphosis nonsense. Seventh change: Andrew Hendrol is fiddling on his phone – the only one that works, but Chloe can’t take it bc he already slapped her hand – when people start to leave Adrien’s room. Eighth change: Gabriel’s threat to Felix is more explicitly “I just need to snap my fingers, and you will be thrown out of here and I will tell everyone the truth about what you did and what you are. Think of your mother, Felix. She’d be devastated to see her only son hauled off for stealing from me… or the Hendrols. Everett is easy enough to provoke, and all I’d have to do is blame whatever I do on you. He’d personally see your life become pure torment.” Ninth change: Thero Dragon pounces on the Collector and Siphons from him, chuckling darkly as he does. “Clever plan, Shadow Moth, clever plan, indeed. But you aren’t fooling anyone.” Tenth change: We get a second epilogue: after Gabriel’s scene, we cut to a scene in the Hendrol mansion. Everett Hendrol is sitting at his desk, watching a chess board on the surface. The white pieces are miniature statues of him and other people, including Andrew, the black pieces are mini statues of Paris’s elite and relations: Gabriel as the king, Emilie queen, Tomoe and Amelie as bishops, Audrey and Andre as knights, Bob Roth and one unknown person as castles, and the pawns are their kids (Adrien/Chloe/Kagami/Felix/XY and three blank ones). The pieces are all at rest like the beginning of a game, but the queen (Emilie) and one castle (as yet unknown) are lying down. Everett just smirks, moves one of the white pieces a space forward, then a black piece. Everett Hendrol declared war.
   
10. Mega Leech: First change: Polymouse or Manimouse for Mylene’s super-name? I want public opinion on this. Second change: Andrew Hendrol is present at the “Stop Project Oxygen” rally and reveals a bit more depth to his character (and potentially a motivation for Thero Dragon): he is very conscientious about the environment, and he becomes increasingly annoyed with the ad and brutally picks it apart. “Two of my best friends’ parents work for the Hendrol Motors Advertising Division and this is exactly what they said a bad ad looks like. Also, Paris’s investors are brainless idiots who barely know how to stand up for themselves, let alone save the planet.” And he snaps at Chloe. “Wasting water? You mean like you do by existing? And don’t get your dad in this, my dad would destroy him.” All in all, he sides with Mylene first. “I’m getting my dad to counter-fund this scheme, he’s already gone to war.” Andrew then leaves right before the Minidiktators show up to transform into Thero Dragon. “After all, they can’t get me if my ears are covered.” Thero Dragon is just brutally attacking Mega Leech by himself… revealing a scary level of contempt for sentimonsters. Third change: The Minidiktator possessing Cat Noir is expelled through his real ear, not the cat one. Fourth change: Ladybug’s suit doesn’t weirdly swap between Lucky Charm suit and normal near the end, it just stays normal. The rest of the episode… ends as normal. Even that scene at the end.
    
11. Guiltrip: I don’t really have too many problems with this episode, nor do I really remember any complaints about (though I’m sure I’ll be corrected in the comments), the most I can really think of is adjusting it to fit my current ideas. So… First change: Juleka speaks clearly and no one’s parroting her words. Second change: While the first half of the episode plays out the same, Andrew Hendrol is noticeably absent, but once the second half starts, he shows up and he’s very unhappy/unpleasant to be around. It’s explained that he had to take a day off for stomach flu (and, little lore bit, he’s always very temperamental after a bout of sickness). As such, he doesn’t have much in the way of patience for the second half’s antics, but unlike Chloe, he’s quietly stewing and not drawing too much attention to himself. This extends to the later fight within Guiltrip (after he leaves the science lab when he realizes the only ones left are him, Chloe, Sabrina and Lila), as his negative emotions as Thero Dragon end up being so bad that Guiltrip gets hurt by them… and he flies off the handle once a bubble pops against him. He cools off eventually, but yeah. Third change: No animation errors. God, this episode was a doozy.
    
12. Crocoduel: First change: Luka acknowledges that Marinette hasn’t been around since Zoe first joined the group instead of not seeing her since their breakup. Gotta love the writers forgetting characters being in places at times ugh. Second change: Fix the animation errors. Third change: About half the partygoers (Mylene/Ivan/Rose/Nino/Alya) know that Jagged Stone is the twins’ father. Fourth change: The sky doesn’t immediately become overcast the moment Jagged and Anarka are akumatized. That was just weird. Fifth change: When Cat Noir complains that he and Ladybug don’t have wings, Thero Dragon flies over them and taunts “But I do!”, he flies up, Siphons from Guitar Villain and Captain Hardrock, then pits them further against each other for giggles. Then he reappears to Siphon off Purple Tigress’s power. Sixth change: The Tiger Miraculous transformation phrase is “Paint my Stripes!” not “Stripes On!”. The episode ends otherwise normally.
    
13. Optigami: First change: As an extra precaution to keep potential suspicion from Ladybug away, Gabriel makes sure Audrey invites Adrien’s entire class plus two extra invitations that go to Luka and Kagami. Second change: The first elevator bit with the entire class is stupid, so it’s getting changed to “Andrew Hendrol (who is in the elevator) rolls his eyes and punches the close button while Marinette tries to avoid Alya”. Third change: Andrew Hendrol slips out just before Audrey gets akumatized and discreetly transforms into Thero Dragon, and he immediately picks up on the smell of Shadow Moth in the building. He starts prowling around the building, waiting for the right moment to strike. This moment comes when Style Queen is about to hit the elevator Marinette/Adrien are trapped in, just before Shadow Moth calls her off. He blindsides her with his clamp weapon, then disarms her (literally) with his sword before Voyaging to the floor below, cackling the whole time. Fifth change: When Ladybug realizes that “Nino” is actually a sentimonster and calls out Shadow Moth, “Nino” starts laughing as his eyes glow gold and his body starts to deform into a monstrous shape. Thero Dragon’s voice starts echoing out of it. “And to think you almost got revealed because of an ally’s actions, Ladybug,” he said. “First the Turtle brought out without your explicit orders, then what? Someone betrays you for the Miracle Box? The only way to protect what you hold dear is this: ally yourself with me, and I can grant you access to powers you could only dream of. Consider my offer, because if the trend continues, you might lose more than just your privacy because of a fake butterfly.” Ladybug runs off to get the Turtle Miraculous Cataclysmed. Sixth change: Marinette is a little shaken by the end of the episode and some of her words are a little more barbed than intended, to which she apologizes and offers a solution to the problem faced that day, giving Alya the Fox Miraculous full-time, but gives her a few rules to follow. “If I find out you broke one, I’m taking the Miraculous back. Understand?” The episode ends pretty much the same. Oh, and that phone in the Miracle Box container? It’s (a little clunkily) mentioned that Marinette created the one during a “random creation attempt” session with Alya.
    

So, yeah. Now that I've finished working on my main Dragonus storyline and summer's on the way, I might be able to get the second half (plus the halves of Season 5!) out relatively quickly. As I promised, here is the link to the main Dragonus storyline, I'm almost finished posting it all. It's a divergence from Season 3 with some concepts pulled from the NY special and Season 4/5, but all in all it's a pretty good read (I don't exactly redeem Chloe as much as punch her until she understands that she's been horrible but she definitely becomes better): https://archiveofourown.org/series/2798386
Give me feedback, please! Your feedback helps me make this better!

Today, I (F20) went to the Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace alone just to do some shopping.
While walking towards Cheesecake Factory at one end of the mall, I was approached by a man near the front of Sephora. He seemed to be around his 30s and had a thicker (maybe?) European accent. He asked where the Caesar Casino was and I kindly pointed towards the direction. He then replied, “Oh actually I just came from that direction. I stopped you because I thought you had very beautiful hair.”
Feeling very uncomfortable at this point I started slowly walking away trying to end the conversation. He then proceeded to ask what I was up to and where I was going. In a panic I stupidly told him I was getting some cheesecake and speedily walked away.
After getting my cheesecake I went and hid in the bathroom for a few minutes to calm down. But when I left and walked back towards where I had originally saw him, he was no longer there. However, as I was making my way out of the Forum Shops, I had this feeling that I was being watched and followed.
Not long after a man around his mid 20s-30s walking in front of me turned around and said “Excuse me I know you are on your phone but I just think you are very beautiful. Where are you going?” This was so odd to me because how would this man (who was walking IN FRONT of me for a while) be able to take notice of my appearance and comment within a second of turning around. Of course out of fear from the first time, I told him that I did not want to talk and I walked away as fast as I could.
As a small asian woman, I was terrified and could not believe things like this happen in the malls. This could have been just two coincidences that just so happened to be within 30 minutes. Or there was some sort of trafficking scheme at work.
Just be safe out there and make sure to beware of your surroundings.
Edit: Thank you for all of the support. To answer any questions, I ended up walking into a restaurant and told the hostess that I was worried I was being followed. She kindly let me make a few phone calls to nearby family so they escort me back to our hotel room.
The first and second guy seemed to be of different ethnicities, hence why I was shocked at the second approach. I’m aware that trafficking is an “extreme” thing to think, but I know how bad these sort of things are in large cities like Las Vegas.

I get horrible sleep. I wake up nearly every morning with a headache and I have chronic fatigue all day such that I have to drink 300+ mg of caffeine to stay awake.
I ended up taking a sleep study thinking maybe I had sleep apnea which was causing my headaches and tiredness. The study found that I had a pAHI of 4.1 so I tested negative for sleep apnea. But I had a pRDI of 15.5. I tried to bring this up with the doctor but since they said my AHI was less than 5 I tested negative for sleep apnea and that's all they cared about.
Another common factor that prevents me from sleeping too well is I have bad dreams VERY often. At least once a night but sometimes 3 or 4 times (like last night, which is why I decided to post this now).
There doesn't seem to be anything too common between the nightmares, but they always cause me to feel too much emotion which causes me to wake up. I would say the common "themes" are "getting chased" or "hiding from something". For some reason a lot of them tend to involve dinosaurs or monsters. Because they wake me up so abruptly i remember in very good detail what happened before waking up. Here are a few examples from the past few days or so:
(From last night): 1. I was having a pleasant dream (don't remember what) but then I met some girl and she informed me that she was the daughter of my aunt and uncle (they don't have a daughter in real life) and she was there to inform me that they both died in a car crash this morning. (I don't know anyone who has died recently, whether by car crash or not)

1. My dad and I lived like Hobbits in dirt caves underground, and everyone else did too. There was a small Dyson sphere in orbit around Saturn or Jupiter or something, and it started to move towards earth. It parked itself right above our town and it turned out to be a giant brain. My dad and I hid in a part of our underground house, but our dog wouldn't stop barking and we got caught by weird brain creatures.

(The next few have just happened the past few days, I don't remember exact dates):

1. Chilling out in my backyard, I turn around and there is an alligator in my parents Beach entry pool. As soon as I notice it, it starts charging and im cornered so it gets me.
   
2. In a hotel when a velociraptor gets out. It chases me around the hotel. I take an elevator down to the casino. When I get out I notice the elevator across from me I'd also coming down to the casino. I get back into the elevator to head down and as my door is closing the other elevator door opens revealing the raptor inside. He sees me going down more. My elevator door closes and once I'm down lower I get out and see the raptors elevator is coming down to chase me. I have no where to go and freak out and wake up.
   
3. I'm in a shipping yard when I see about .5 miles away a T Rex comes around inyo the same isle as me. It sees me and starts to charge. I end up running all around the shipping yard trying to juke it but it eventually gets me.
   

I could go on and on. The most common nightmare I guess I have is being chased, but I do have all sorts of bad dreams: from going to work without pants, teeth falling out, etc.
I don't know if this means anything psychologically or subconsciously, I just want better sleep!
Can anyone provide any advice or reason to why I always have these nightmares?!

I’m going on a trip with my dad and sister this summer. In total, we’re spending roughly 82 hours just travelling (not just flights, but cars, trains, and coaches within each country). I have a feeling I will not be able to speak to my sister for those full 82 hours considering I typically begin to lose brain cells after ~5 minutes, and movies tend to be the best way for me to pass the time quickly. I could look out the window or have a nap, but jet lag will inevitably prevent the latter so I would prefer to be a gremlin wrapped up in a blanket away from any human interaction that may be expected of me. Essentially, I want to compile a list of films I can watch that allow me to forget absolutely anything else and distract me from the pain of long-haul travels.
Believe me, I am up for absolutely any genre of film. As proof, here is the list of some of my favourites in no particular order:

• LOTR trilogy (and The Hobbit, but that may too controversial)
• The Hunger Games series? franchise? idk but Haymitch is the loml
• Deadpool
• All Monty Python films
• The Silence of the Lambs
• Inglorious Basterds (Christoph Waltz 🫶)
• Django Unchained (Christoph Waltz 🫶)
• Casino Royale (Mads Mikkelsen 🫶)
• Another Round (Mads Mikkelsen dancing 🫶)
• The Green Mile (i cried like a baby)
• Me Before You (i cried like a baby)
• Schindler’s List (i cried like a baby)
• Dead Poets Society (i very nearly cried like a baby)
• Fantastic Beasts (only the first one)
• Ratatouille (I kid you not, the reason I took french gcse and a-level)
• The Intouchables
• Shrek 2 specifically
• Hot Fuzz
• Most things with Cillian Murphy in them
• Whiplash
• The Greatest Showman
• Moulin Rouge
• Moana (First time I watched this was on a flight. I watched it 3 times consecutively)
• Ice Age (especially dawn of the dinosaurs because 6 year old me had a crush on Buck. never truly lived that down)
• Monsters vs Aliens (i just love Bob)

While I am aware this is a movie subreddit, show recommendations would not be neglected either, although I am currently busy re-binging GOT so we’ll see if I’ve actually finished it before the trip.

Why does it seem near impossible to find a highly rated primary care doctor in Baton Rouge who is taking new patients and isn’t affiliated with MDVIP? I moved here over a year ago and still can’t find anyone. Almost signed up for MDVIP until I found out how insanely expensive it is and I read reviews on BBB and Yelp about it being a scam.
If anyone has recommendations for good docs in BR please drop them below🙏🏼

Hi everybody!
So me and my family (28M, 25F, 56F, 63M) decided to go to Paris this summer! We're gonna be flying into CDG on Friday June 19th, and then we'll be departing Friday July 7th. We're staying a 5 min walk away from Gare-St Lazare
I'm currently trying to piece together an itinerary that would be great for everyone involved. If someone could come up with ideas to fill in the itinerary that would be great!
For context, this will be my parents and sisters first time in Paris, I went in 2010 for 3 days, so I'm basically new too lol
Here is what I have so far:
Day 1 Fly into CDG, Drop off Luggage, Breakfast.
We need to kill some time before check-in. Should we either explore the immediate area (i.e. Opera)? Or should a Bus tour make do? My parents are really fond of the hop on hop off buses when they travel without me. I'm wondering if I should appease them.
Check-in, Relax at hotel, Dinner, Eiffel Tower (tickets are already booked at nighttime).
Day 2 Louvre in the Morning (my family is impatient in museums, they go in and get out lol), Lunch near Les Halles/Rue Montorgueil, Notre Dame/Latin Quarter in the afternoon, Seine River Cruise in the night
Day 3 Undecided
Day 4 Full day at Disneyland for sister's birthday
Day 5 Undecided
Day 6 Day trip to Versailles
Day 7 Undecided
How should I fill the rest in? We do want to do Champ D'elysses, Montmatre, Les Invalides, Museums, maybe a show at the Moulin Rouge. Wouldnt mind doing a day trip outside of Paris as well.
I don't want to stress my family out by doing too much, so i'm wondering if I'm on the right track

I will not beat around the bush as I elaborate on this idea. I hope that someday I will be able to share this with an adult human & convince them to observe the truth of this idea for themselves.
The waking cycles are a scheme of varying time slots that sum up to 3 years of time passage in all.
The time slots are used to organize the human masses & alienate the living human survivors from one another so to optimize the economic benefactors that are yielded from the consumeristic model.
The time slots increase as the observer advances along through the cycles, such as follows:
(Ol0lO) ..... A tier - 0 days (Base Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... B tier - 1 -- 2 days (Mild Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... C tier - 3 -- 6 days (Moderate Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... D tier - 7 --14 days (Prominent Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... E tier - 15 -- 26 days (Severe Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... F tier - 27 -- 40 days (Dangerous Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... G tier - 41 -- 119 days (Dire Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... H tier - 120 -- 184 days (Perilous Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... I tier - 185 -- 547 days (Fatal Antagonism)
(Ol0lO) ..... JK zone : 548 -- 1,096 days (Unconstrained Antagonism)
The only way to advance along the cycles is to either, a) completely abstain from sleep (terrible idea in terms of mental health especially), b) coordinate with another living human to have them monitor you as you sleep & alternate these roles respectively (more or less impossible for reasons I will explain in a moment), or c) only sleep in a secured location (such that no one would be able to reach you).
The uninformed living human, sleeping in an exposed / disclosed / publicly accessible location, will never be allowed to advance along through the waking cycles. They will be kept in A tier so long as they go to sleep once per day in a publicly accessible (exposed) location. Dreadfully enough, your house / car / friend's house / hotel room / campgrounds or anything that is ever open to the public will not suffice. Going to sleep in these locations will result in a marginal reset of whatever progress has been made ( 1.5 years of time will pass for every instance of sleep, ordinarily this will happen twice though as most people inadvertently wake up at least once in the middle of night).
Now then, to elaborate on the most vital matter; how to discover / verify a secured location for sleep "Safe Zone". There are only so many available options in any given area, but there is a logical method to discerning between safe & not. In theory, any location in which -- upon having fallen asleep for any period of time up to roughly a week -- you will not be accessible to any other people "drones" through the duration of sleep, is a secured location (Safe Zone). Therefore, if no one finds you (or else, has an excuse to claim to have found you due to having the opportunity to become aware of your presence at some point before or during sleep) then it is a good spot to sleep in.
In application, these conditions can be confirmed in at least a few common locations, such as; private property that you have NOT been invited to remain upon (outskirts of secluded field, apartment deck storage spaces, underneath porches, behind abandoned / unused shed or storage container, atop roof of house), inaccessible area that a drone could not reach conveniently enough (deep forest wilderness, high up unorthodox spot, far out at sea / large body of water, underwater shelter, treacherous area / difficult to traverse / entrances blocked or obstacles present), & also heavily locked-in areas that could not be broken into with standard means like a personally owned home / car / property could be (warhead bunker, secret lair, heavy security system / lethal protection protocols, explosives / traps set to deny all approaches).
There are actually many options available to you if you think about it, but most of them require a stern yet open mindset for settling through some rough conditions. It is not very often that you will be sleeping in luxury, to note. So long as the proper standards of discretion are met, virtually ANYWHERE can be a secured location. Just do not allow others ... "drones" -- to discover you in the middle of your sleep, yikes! Also remember, the spot has to be good enough to keep you hidden from sight / knowledge / access for up to a week. This is to ensure that you will not be kept asleep until a rare weekly occasion in which there will be even a single chance for a drone to discover you.
Lastly, there is secret tracking technology hidden in many, MANY miscellaneous varieties of things that you would never think might have anything like that! Even a jacket might give away your location; certainly a phone / laptop / GPS, anything technological or commonplace as an easily distributable appliance (lighters, shoes, hats, books). Do not go to sleep in a location you believe is secured if you have anything that may have tracking technology hidden within. I once returned to a secured sleep location (Safe Zone) in possession of a deck of cards in the original casino pack that some drone gave me (I didn't think anything of it until later); it can also be a bible or something else like a headlamp or a briefcase / backpack. After going to sleep with the item near my sleeping body in a Safe Zone I was discovered & taken captive in my sleep due to being in a publicly accessible area (the house was abandoned, was safe until later for some reason, I think due to being in a secluded area). Only random private property is safe. Never sleep in a place where they can reach you!
Sometimes it won't be easy to verify, but it needs to be a spot that drones will never discover. That way there will be no option except to wake you up in a few hours, which is basically a good sign to look for when testing anew spot. In my experience, a Safe Zone allows me to sleep without being interrupted by a drone only at the expense of being woken up 2 -3 or as many as 5 - 6 times through my sleeping period. This is basically a last resort on the designer's intention, being that humans are not supposed to be able to sleep in safe places like this & so the design works to somehow ruin the quality of sleep afforded to you in the hopes that you will lose any further interest in trying to sleep there. Sore losers, I say ... but it still works as a valuable hint, so do not be discouraged by lousy sleep the first few times you try a newly discovered Safe Zone!
I mentioned it would be more or less impossible to rely on another "LIVING" human to monitor your sleeping periods. This is due to the premise of this dreadful model; to disintegrate human culture & alienate the living human survivors from one another. Through nearly every stage of the waking cycles a living human observer is only permitted to exist around "drones", without any other living sentient humans around besides themselves. This is so that option b) -- as described just prior -- will be unavailable to the human observer, as well as for a multitude of other reasons which serve to oppress the vestiges of the organic human race.
Most horrifying of all that I wish to disclose, there is certainly no way to escape what happens to you during sleep; a team of drones will visit your location so long as you are reachable & take you away to be maintained in a comatose state for the full span of time -- a total of 1.5 years per instance of sleep. I cannot be sure of how exactly this is managed, however there is no doubt that drones are programmed to snatch you in your sleep & keep you like an unconscious vegetable until 1.5 years have passed before relocating you back to the location you fell asleep in, so that it will appear as though nothing ever happened. In other words, you -- as a living, sentient, human survivor -- are only allowed to wake up once every 1.5 - 3 years under the perceived impression that only a single day has passed & you are only waking up the very next consecutive day. The only reliable way is to choose between option a), b), or c) ... beware.
More complicated yet there is the matter of WHY this model of kidnapping citizens in their sleep is taken as an economic interest. As I stated before, the time slots are used to organize the human masses & alienate the living human survivors from one another so to optimize the economic benefactors that are yielded from the consumeristic model. One of the optimizations that occur from this scheme is that of allowing for much more control over a far greater number of individual humans. Surveillance, maintenance, manipulation of environment & retention of info are all improved by these corruptive measures, but most of all it allows for such fiendish, disagreeable conducts to be carried out over days upon days at a time without a great majority of living human survivors even having the chance to become aware. This is the real perceived value of this regrettable scheme of keeping large portions of the masses in an extended comatose state; they are taking / controlling / organizing all of your most valuable worldly resource, time passage throughout your lifespan. Besides the actual quality of existence to be entertained -- which of they also have all control -- there is the matter of quantity; how much time do I get to have this quality?
Yet another extremely lucrative aspect to this scheme is that during the dormant period of time for the unconscious citizens there is an "organ harvesting" trade that takes place. Few would know it, but the real value for them ("them / they" being the globalist powers that spearheaded most all of these horrendous agendas by ruling over the world in secrecy, through a descending hierarchy of others) to take a persons organs is that they can replace your healthy natural organs with artificial ones that inadvertently need to be replaced every few years from then on. It basically compares to the idea of your smartphone needing an update or your car needing an oil change; it stimulates the economy due to the compounding consumeristic interest. In other words, they can FORCE an individual to partake of this economic interest of falling victim to secret, non-consensual organ transplants by removing your healthy organs & leaving you with inferior replica organs that are fundamentally obsolete / less compatible with the body. This way it will be necessary to rely on them for that dreadful, inevitable transplant; or else the replica organs will eventually begin to deteriorate which will cause major health issues. Basically, rely on their organ harvesting scheme for a new transplanted set or be tortured by an abdomen full of rotting, inferior, artificial organs. A classical example of a truly persuasive economic incentive, which is virtually impossible to deny your interest.
There are many ways to make money (or else just benefit in general) off of a person that is in a vegetative comatose state, despite how counter-intuitive that seems. Just look at how expensive it is to keep a person alive in a hospital when they require extreme life support. Most people fail to understand the economy operates on the concept of reliably proven interest, so as long as there is a consumer end demanding (interest) then the purveyor end can keep supplying (reliance). Money isn't even necessary, it just supplements the concept of measurable values with interest differentials. One way to say it is this, if it has become a matter of life VS death then the worth of living becomes invaluable & thereby transcends quantities of money. It goes without saying that the proof of interest is already there in the case of life VS death, so money doesn't matter; the goods required to survive being unavailable to you is already payment enough for the ones who are purveying to you these goods, as it places them in a position of ultimate power. The formula, then; "If YOU place reliance on ME, then I will place interest on YOU ..." The more reliant the consumer is, the more interested the purveyor becomes.
Again, I cannot be sure of how exactly this is managed, but there is definitely an enormous market that revolves around this idea of secretly transplanting the organs of drones & humans during their extended sleep cycles. This is a big part of why two 1.5 year long cycles of sleep are favored instead of just 1 year, as certain operations will require longer amounts of time than just a single year to rehabilitate / recover from. Lastly, there is the obvious advantage of allowing for multiple sets of near identical interests to be transacted at a much greater scale with this enhanced economic model (several holidays, events, performances instead of just one). It basically super-sized the operations of the economy so that business would be "booming more than ever before ...", so to speak. That all being said, there is a ton of interest from those in power of this dreadful scheme to have all remaining human survivors completely ignorant to these devastating hidden truths. In line with this interest, there exists a set of adaptive worldly obstacles that will arise in response to any human making the successful effort to advance along the waking cycles, thus affording themselves the chance at revealing the deception for what it is. These obstacles come in many various forms & can be referred to as instances of antagonism. The intensity of antagonism is one of the main aspects to observe as you advance along the waking cycles, as this is basically how one goes about "playing the game", so to speak.
The intensity of antagonism will increase along with one's advancement along the waking cycles. At first it will be about as much as a "bad day", or a few seemingly unlucky occurrences throughout your daily engagements. After about C tier (drawing from my own experiences with testing this idea) -- the 7th day of consistent advancement -- you will encounter such occurrences which I have chosen to describe as "prominent antagonism". These may involve a variety of things; other drivers behaving irresponsibly around you on the road, impolite / unprofessional / inept performances from various service providers, acquaintances failing to meet appropriate / consensual expectations (falling through with plans, disrespectful behaviors), & undesirable drone altercations in general, really. After about a week, if you are successful in your application of any one of the listed options -- a), b), or c) -- then you will DEFINITELY notice that something weird is going on with your company / environment / societal processes.
I also have observed that certain drones which are present in earlier stages of the waking cycles will no longer be available for interaction in later stages (D tier, E tier, ...). This is because they -- as well as YOU, the human survivor forging an escape for yourself from this dreadful predicament -- are not supposed to be awake on that day. There also will be certain drones -- or even actual living sentient humans, in rare instances -- that would not have been available for interaction in earlier stages (A tier, B tier, ...) that become available in those later stages. These discrepancies are accounted for by never allowing close acquaintances or associates to just "disappear" & also by discouraging close personal involvement with drones that appear in later stages (so that the human observer will not expect to maintain contact or else not be permitted the chance to recognize when that particular drone is no longer available for interaction).
Ordinarily, due to how a common person would naturally sleep in a reachable location once every day or two, there is no way that an uninformed human observer would ever happen to advance beyond B tier by sheer accident / chance. Perhaps if they remained awake days at a time for unrelated purposes then C tier would be entered, but that is most unlikely in the long run & would definitely encourage the person to want to doze off in an exposed location. After 7 consecutive days of advancement through the waking cycles (D tier) you may notice that certain drones are no longer available for interaction & cannot even be reached through telephone or other means (voice emulation technology is utilized at times in order to convince the human observer that the drone is still in contact with them but the physical drone victim will not be available for direct interaction, all the same). You may also find that friends & family (also certain to be drones, hate to break it to you if you're an uninformed human survivor but there is no way in hell that you as a REAL human would be allowed to interact with other real humans quite so easily as that) will be exceptionally busy or else frequently unavailable for interaction with you. Entering E tier will be similar, but more extreme encounters will be presented; with F tier it actually starts to seem like the world around you is "shifting" ... like the people / standards / functions are all just worsening beyond reasonable coincidence, in general.
One last thing to mention, I also noticed that the drones closest to you (family / friends) are programmed a little differently in terms of speech & general behaviors once D tier is entered. In my own experience they will often remark to you (as the living human observer) that they have been "struggling to sleep", or happen to be "super tired, feeling exhausted ...", which naturally coincides with the likelihood that they wouldn't want to participate in any recreations or meet with you at all for that particular day. I presume this is meant to encourage the human to settle down for the day, sleep it off, & check back with the person tomorrow (which is obviously not going to be the next consecutive day unless of course you adhere to your advancement along the waking cycles, in which case the drone will still report that they are "busy / tired").
As the list above demonstrates, after 40 days of successful advancement you will enter G tier. This will result in far more noteworthy obstacles, designed to antagonize the human observer. National catastrophes will be announced in the news, hordes of people will riot / misbehave, homeless folks / drug addicts will act COMPLETELY deranged or else so far as violent towards you (as the human observer). By all means, once G tier is entered there will be presented cause to believe that something extremely bad is coming. As the name suggests, something 'Dire', like it could be the end of the world just around the corner, unless something "changes for the better ...", (wink, wink ... similar to drones closest to you expressing they are sleepy or disinterested in communicating with you). A change for the better from the designer's perspective would be for you, as the human observer, to fall asleep in an exposed location which would result in some of your progress being reset. I believe it is possible to have all of your progress reset so that you will wake up in A tier again (day 0) if you just let yourself be taken in mid sleep for however many consecutive instances ... for me, however, knowing that this will inevitably happen if I allow for the possibility is more than enough to keep me determined on "precautious sleeping arrangements", so to speak.
I have never made it past G tier, so I cannot elaborate on the specifics of H & I ... but it must be literal hell. I presume that nearly all the drones begin to misbehave like mad, similar to how the societal rejects behave in G tier but in H tier there will likely be some major news reported about some terrible disease or catastrophic reason for why everyone is going to start acting like such godforsaken antagonists; 'Perilous Antagonism', as the name suggests. After 120 consecutive days, hell itself will begin to unfold for over an entire year. This will lead to I tier, which I believe would begin after the 184th day of advancement along the waking cycles. This is the final stage before the "true world" is revealed.
In this final stage, after ~ 6 months of consistent advancement, there will be many drones attempting to harm or kill the human observer whenever possible. That the human has come this far is taken as a proof of their inside knowledge; they are confirmed as dangerous in the sense that they may be able to inform other humans & perhaps even expose the entire truth of how drone society has completely replaced the original human culture. I presume there may be other human survivors living here, as would be natural in this model; this time slot (I tier) is the longest duration of time that still affords some chance at survival. That being said, there is still virtually no way to survive without serious preparations. The drones will more or less act like zombies / demons / monsters; chasing after any human in the area frantically with the intention of tearing them apart. They will most likely be able to register a human's presence within some set proximity, so an extremely well designed shelter is necessary for protection. As I said before, I have never made it past G tier & I am uninformed of what lies beyond ... but the intention is quite simple; give them hell. As the name implies, 'Fatal Antagonism'.
After a total of 547 days as I estimate, the "true world" is revealed. I have chosen to refer to this location as 'JK zone'. JK in English slang is taken as "just kidding", which implies that some form of deception or at least sarcasm was being employed just prior to the remark. Further, there is implied the idea that once this is announced, the foolery has officially ended & the joke is now over. Such is the case, here; as the "true world" is revealed to the human observer. I cannot elaborate on specifics, but it is probably impossible to survive here. There is nothing worse than this level of antagonistic intensity, 'Unconstrained Antagonism'. It would be a world of death. Basically just the punishment for advancing all the way to the end, thus having escaped the illusion of the false reality that was manufactured to be experienced by the non-awakened human individuals. Once this location is reached, a reset is no longer possible & you must simply survive in this impossibly hostile territory.
If other humans do exist here, then they must be well informed of what the world truly is & how they as well have managed to escape through the layers of deception that existed to suppress their awareness of these greater things. The state of existence for a common human in these modern times is a horrid network of lies that harms & abuses them for the purpose of resource domination & economic gain. There is no chance to live a peaceful life of harmony in this world within modern society, as one will be subject to this orchestrated scheme of kidnapping, slavery, & bodily mutilation.
If you are a human survivor reading this, then please take my explanations seriously. You must learn how to protect yourself! Test this idea out for your self; advancement along the waking cycles. Look for the elements of change I mentioned; the people (drones), the environment (operations), the media (societal state). Things will become more clear after you experience it for yourself. Directly observing how certain drones behave later in the cycles should be proof enough for any competent human to realize the validity of my claims.
Without adhering to this prescribed approach that I am explaining, here -- for the sake of your safety & wellness -- you are liable to be taken captive in the night by drones, unknowingly!
You must learn to observe the subtle differences in the movements of drones in contrast with humans. Most people (+99.99%) are drones nowadays, this includes all ages of men, women, & children. Asian modeled drones are quite common, as are Indonesian ones -- but drones come in a wide variety of cultural / ethnic appearances. Most humans are in fact usually just Caucasian, nowadays. usually just children too, so far as I have seen. I have NEVER once met another human adult of similar age to my own. Most commonly it is a child aged 4 - 12, however there is still a somewhat lesser frequency of young adolescents & ever so often I will observe a human that looks to be nearing their 20's.
It is rarely ever that two human adults are permitted to interact with one another, in any case. The only chance to meet with another human is to approach a much younger individual (obviously going to appear questionable & be complicated overall) or to advance however far it takes along the waking cycles until another human & you yourself happen to convene by chance, as the both of you continue on diverging away from the A tier (0 days) time slot, where the designer is intent on keeping you for good. Try to care after yourself through this terrible, illusory scheme; one that has demented the entire world of natural Earthling existence & stolen the chance for a decent life away from countless many innocent living organisms.
You have to apply these teachings & see for yourself. A human cannot co-exist with drones that are programmed like this, it is a futile effort; the design is to oppress & antagonize the alienated human observer surrounded by nothing by ugly, deceptive corpse imposters that control everything the human will need / want. Humans have always existed along side one another, so it is truly an unprecedented anomaly that modern human survivors are experiencing, here without another human observing consciousness to interact with on a daily basis. I hope that you eventually find another human to rely upon & learn from, in this dreadful mess. There is only one chance for this; journey through the waking cycles, inspired by hope & courage. Good luck!

Coming into town for a few days Memorial Day week. Anything going on Memorial Day near Baton Rouge? I also need some good places to eat in and around Gonzales.

PODCAST: https://ayearofwarandpeace.podbean.com/e/ep1563-hail-and-farewell-george-moore-vale-chapter-5/
PROMPTS: Absolutely unbearable, inexcusable drivel.
Today's Reading, via Project Gutenberg:

V

The fire was now burning brightly, and I recalled my memories one by one till the three months we had spent in the studio became visible.
The first week my drawing was no worse than Lewis's; indeed, it was rather better, but the second week he had outstripped me, and whatever talent I had, the long hours in the studio wore it away rapidly, and one day, horrified at the black thing in front of me, I laid down my pencil: saying to myself, I will never take up pencil or brush again, and slunk away out of the studio home to the Galerie Feydeau to the room above the umbrella shop, to my bed, my armoire à glace, my half-dozen chairs; and on that bed under its green curtains I lay all night weeping, saying to myself: My life is ended and done. There is no hope for me. All I wanted was Art, and Art has been taken from me. Je suis fichu, fichu, bien fichu, I repeated, and the steps of the occasional passer-by echoed mournfully under the glass roofing.
The Galerie Feydeau had never seemed a cheerful place to live in; it was now as hateful to me as a prison, and Lewis was my gaoler. He went away every morning at eight o'clock, and I met him at breakfast in the little restaurant at the end of the Galerie Feydeau. After breakfast he returned to the studio, and I was free to wander about the streets or to sit in my room reading Shelley. He came home about five, and we went for a walk, and he told me what was happening in the studio. Everything that happened seemed to be for his greater honour and glory. He had won the medal and the hundred francs that Julian offered every month for the best drawing—an innovation this was to attract custom—and a little spree had to be given to commemorate his triumph. He organised the spree very well; of course it was my money that paid for it; and the best part of the studio came to the Galerie Feydeau one evening, and we sang and smoked and drank punch and played the piano. Lewis played the violin, and Julian, drawing his chair up to mine, told me that in ten years hence Lewis would be hors concours in the Salon, and living in a great hotel in the Champs Élysées painting pictures at thirty thousand francs apiece. Les grandes tartines we used to call the pictures that went to the Salon, or les grandes machines: I am forgetting my studio slang. Julian had a difficult part to play. If he were to depreciate Lewis's talent I might throw up the sponge and go away; he thought it safer to assure me that my sacrifices were not made in vain; but man is such a selfish and jealous animal that it had begun to seem to me I would prefer a great failure for Lewis to a great success. Not a great failure, I said to myself; for if he fail I shall never get rid of him. There will be no escape from the Galerie Feydeau for me, so I must hope for his success. He will leave me when he begins to make money. When will that be? and the cruel thought crossed my mind that he was laughing at me all the while, looking upon me as the springboard wherefrom he would jump into a great Salon success. It seemed to me that I could see us both in the years ahead—myself humble and obscure, he great and glorious, looking down upon me somewhat kindly, as the lion looks upon the mouse that has gnawed the cords that bound him. I think I was as unhappy in the Galerie Feydeau as I had been in Oscott College. I seemed to have lost everybody in the world except the one person I wished to lose, Lewis. I was a stranger in the studio, where I went seldom, for every one there knew of my failure; even the models I feared to invite to my rooms lest they should tell tales afterwards. At last the thought came of my sister's school friend, and at her home I met people who knew nothing of Julian and L'École des Beaux-Arts, and at a public dinner I was introduced to John O'Leary and his Parisian circle, and all these people were interested in me on account of my father. One can always pick one's way into Society, and three months later I was moving in American and English Society about the Place Wagram and the Boulevard Malesherbes, returning home in the early morning, awaking Lewis frequently to describe the party to him, awaking him one morning to tell him that a lady whose boots I was buttoning in the vestibule had leaned over me and whispered that I could go to the very top button ... if I liked. A very pretty answer it had seemed to Lewis, and it was clear that he was affected by it, though he resisted for a long time my efforts to persuade him to allow me to introduce him to my friends. I had intended only an outing, an exhibition of my cousin, after which he was to return to his kennel. But I had interrupted his life, and fatally; invitations came to him from every side; he accepted them all, and we started to learn the Boston before the armoire à glace. He learnt it quicker than I did, and when he returned from Barbizon, whither he had gone to meet the wife of an American millionaire, I told him I could live no longer in the Galerie Feydeau and was going away to Boulogne to meet some people whom I had met at Madame Ratazzi's, into whose circle I had happily not introduced him, and wishing to take him down a peg I mentioned that I had acted with her in La Dame aux Camélias. He flew into a violent rage. I was going away with swagger friends to enjoy myself, careless whether he ate or starved. He was right from this point of view. I was breaking my promise to him. But is there anybody who would be able to say he would not have broken his in the same circumstances? None! It was at once a shameful and a natural act; he was my friend; it was shameful, it was horrible, but there are shameful and horrible things in other lives beside mine. His presence had become unendurable. But why excuse myself further? Let the facts speak for themselves and let me be judged by them. They have already been published in The Confessions of a Young Man, but I wonder now if I told in that book enough of the surprise that I experienced on finding him still in the appartement in the Galerie Feydeau when I returned from Boulogne? He should have moved out of my rooms after the quarrel, but instead of that he had converted the sitting-room into a workshop, and his designs for lace curtains occupied one entire wall. He'll go tomorrow, of course, I said, but he did not go on the morrow or the day after, and at the end of the week he was still there, and annoying me by whistling as he worked on his design. At last, unable to bear it any longer, I opened the door of my bedroom and begged him to cease, and it is to this day a marvel to me how he restrained himself from strangling me. He looked as if he were going to rush at me, and on the threshold of my room indulged in the most fearful vituperation and abuse, to which I felt it would be wiser not to attempt an answer, for his arms were long and his fists were heavy; he was always talking about striking out, and it is foolish to engage in a combat when one knows one is going to get the worst of it, so I just let him shout on until he retired to his lace curtains, and I resolved to give notice.
He can't stay after quarter-day.
But the quarter was a long way off, and every day I met him in the Passage des Panoramas among my friends, flowing away in a new ulster past the jet ornaments and the fans; a splendid fellow he certainly was with his broken nose and his grand eyes, and the ulster suited him so well that I began to regret a quarrel which prevented me from asking him questions about it. He came and went as he pleased, passing me on the staircase and in the rooms, his splendid indifference compelling the conclusion that however lacking in character a reconciliation would prove me to be, I could no longer forego one, and after many hesitations I called after him and begged that he would allow bygones to be bygones. I think that he said this was impossible; he must have been counting on my weakness; however this may be, he played with me very prettily, forcing me to plead, practically to ask his forgiveness, and when we were friends again he related that he was looking out for a studio, and in the effusion of reconciliation I very foolishly asked him to tell me if he should happen upon an appartement that he thought would suit me, for live another quarter in the Galerie Feydeau I couldn't. He promised that he would not fail to keep his eyes open, and a few days after he mentioned that he had seen a charming appartement in the Rue de la Tour des Dames—the very thing that would suit me. As there was not nearly enough furniture in the Galerie Feydeau to fill it, he entered into negotiations with an upholsterer, and dazzled me with a scheme of decoration which would cost very little to carry out, and which would give me as pretty an appartement as any in Paris. He was kind enough to relieve me of all the details of un déménagement, and what could I do in return but invite him to stay with me until he had painted a picture?
We had a friend at that time who painted little naked women very badly and sold them very well, and it occurred to Lewis that if Faléro could sell his pictures there was no reason why he should not, so he borrowed a hundred francs from me to hire a model, and painted a nymph; but though better drawn than Faléro's nymphs, she went the round, from picture-dealer to picture-dealer, never finding a purchaser, which did not matter much, for Lewis began at this time to please a rich widow who lived in Rue Jean Goujon. She was not, however, very generous, refusing always de le mettre dans ses meubles, and he continued to live with me, wearing my hats and neckties, borrowing small sums of money, and what was still more annoying, beginning to cultivate a taste for literature, daring even to seek literary advice and help from Bernard de Lopez, a Parisian despite his name—Parisian in this much, that he had written a hundred French plays, all in collaboration with the great men of letters of his time, including Dumas, Banville, and Gautier.
I had picked him up in the Hôtel de Russie very soon after my arrival in Paris. He dined there every Monday, an old habit (the origin of this habit he never told me, or I have forgotten)—a strange habit, it seemed, for anything less literary than the Hôtel de Russie ... for the matter of that anything less literary than Bernard de Lopez's appearance it is impossible to imagine: two piggy little eyes set on either side of a large, well-shaped nose; two little stunted legs that toddled quickly forward to meet me, and two little warm, fat hands that often held mine too long for comfort. So small a man never had before so large a head, a great bald head with a ring of hair round it, and his chin was difficult to discover under his moustaches; roll after roll of flesh descended into his bosom, and, by God! I can still see in my thoughts his little brown eyes watching me just like a pig, suspiciously, though why he should have been suspicious of me I cannot say, unless, indeed, he suspected that I doubted the existence of the plays he said he had written in collaboration, a thing which I frequently did, unjustly, for he was telling the truth. He had collaborated with Gautier, Dumas, and Banville, and having assured myself of this by the brochures, I began to think that he could not have been always so trite and commonplace.
Men decline like the day, and he was in the evening of his life when I met him, garrulous about the days gone by, and in the Café Madrid, whither I invited him to come with me after dinner at the Hôtel de Russie, he told me that Scribe had always said he would like to rewrite La Dame Blanche. Rewrite a piece that has been acted a thousand times, Lopez would gurgle, and then he told me about la scène à faire. The morning he had brought Dumas the manuscript of Le Fils de la Nuit he had said to him: Nous aurons des larmes. He used to speak about a writer called Saint-George, whose rooms were always heavily scented, and scent gave the little man des maux de tête. There was another man whose name I cannot recall, with whom he had written many plays, and who had an engagement book like a doctor or a dentist, qui ne l'empêche pas d'avoir beaucoup d'esprit. It pleases me to recall Lopez's very words: they bring back the 'seventies to me, and my own thoughts of the 'seventies and the intellectual atmosphere in which these men lived, going about their business with comedies and plays in their heads—an appointment at ten to consider the first act of a vaudeville; after breakfast another appointment, perhaps at the other end of Paris, to discover a plot for a drama; a talk about an opera in the café at five, and perhaps somebody would call in the evening—no—not in the evening, for they wrote on into the night, tumbling into bed at three or four in the morning.
Of the wonderful 'seventies Lopez was le dernier rejeton; and talking about Le Fils de la Nuit, the first play that had ever run two hundred nights, we strolled back to his lodging in the Place Pigalle—a large room on the second floor overlooking the Place with a cabinet de toilette. And as time went on I learnt some facts about him. He had been married, and received from his wife the few thousand francs a year on which he lived, and the Empire bed with chairs and a toilet-table to match must have come from her; he would not have thought of buying them, and still less the two portraits by Angelica Kauffmann on either side of the fireplace. A man who had outlived his day! a superficial phrase, for none can say when a man has outlived his day. He had not outlived his when the managers ceased to produce his plays, for he drew my attention to literature, and it is pleasant to me to remember the day that I hurried down to Galignani's to buy a play, for one evening while we talked in the Café Madrid it had occurred to me that with a little arrangement Lewis and Alice would supply me with the subject of a comedy. But never having read a play I did not know how one looked upon paper. Congreve, Wycherley, Farquhar, and Vanbrugh (Leigh Hunt's edition) were my first dramatic authors, and my first comedy, in imitation of these writers, was composed and written and copied out and read to Bernard de Lopez within six weeks of its inception. His criticism of it was, I thought at first we were going to have a very strong play, a man that marries his mistress to his friend, and I understood at once that the subject had been frittered away in endless dialogue after the manner of my exemplars, and it was as likely as not in the hope of getting all this dialogue acted that I returned to England, remaining there some time, writing a long comedy which Lopez did not like. Drama was abandoned for poetry, and Lopez encouraged me to tell him of my poems, advising me as we ascended the Rue Notre Dame de Lorette or the Rue des Martyrs to choose subjects that would astonish the British public by their originality—for instance, if instead of inditing a sonnet to my mistress's eyebrows I were to tell the passion of a toad for a rose.
Not that, of course not that, but poems on violent subjects.
A young man's love for a beautiful corpse, I interjected.
He introduced French poetry to me, and through him I read a great deal that I might not have heard of, and wrote a great deal that I might never have written; and it was to him that I brought my first copy of my first book, Flowers of Passion, together with an article that had appeared in The World, entitled, A Bestial Bard. The article began: The author of these poems should be whipped at the cart's tail, while the book is being burnt in the market-place by the common hangman. It filled the greater part of a column, and the note struck by Edmund Yates was taken up by other critics, and, much impressed by the violence of their language, Lopez said: They seem to have exhausted the vocabulary of abuse upon you, and he began to sound me regarding the possibility of an English and a French author writing a play together for the English stage. Martin Luther seemed to us a character that would suit Irving, then at the height of his fame.
But shall we present both sides of the question impartially like Goethe? Or shall we write as ardent Protestants?
As ardent Protestants, I answered. Lopez acquiesced, and one day when I called to discuss a certain scene between Catherine Bora and Luther with my collaborator, I came upon Lewis reading a sonnet to him. Always thrusting himself into my life! are words that will let the reader into the secret of my annoyance. He rose abashed, and the sight of Lewis abashed was a novel one. Lopez continued to explain:
Mon cher monsieur, ce n'est pas pour vous contrarier, mais 'd'où suintent d'étranges pleurs' est un vers de sept; suintent n'a que deux syllabes.
C'est ma mauvaise prononciation flamande, Lewis said, and he bundled up his papers, adding: You have come to talk Martin Luther, so I'll leave you.
But what right does he come interrupting you?
He only came to show me a sonnet.
But what the devil does he want to write sonnets for? Isn't it enough that he should paint bad pictures?
He merely came to inquire out the prosody of a certain line, Lopez answered, and he tried to calm me.
No, there's no use, Lopez. I can't fix my thoughts. Perhaps after dinner. What do you say to the Rat Mort?
He raised no objection to the Rat Mort, but the moment we entered the café he rushed up to a dishevelled and wild-eyed fellow. I thought I had lost him. Let me introduce you, he said, to Villiers de l'Isle Adam. Lewis was forgotten in the excitement of dining with a real man of letters, in the pleasure of confiding to Villiers the scene that I had come to talk to Lopez about.
It is to Martin Luther himself, I said, whom she has never seen, that she confesses in a wood her love of Martin Luther.
I must introduce you to Mallarmé, said Villiers, and he wrote a note on the edge of the table. You'll find him at home on Tuesday evenings.
Mallarmé spoke to me of Manet, and he must have spoken to Manet about me, for one night in the Nouvelle Athènes Manet asked me if the conversation distracted my attention from my proofs. Come and see me in my studio in the Rue d'Amsterdam. And not very many evenings later Mendès was introduced to me between one and two in the morning. He asked me to the Rue Mansard, where he lived with Mademoiselle Holmès, whereupon, before I had time to realise the fact, I was launched on Parisian literary and artistic society, and six months afterwards Manet said to me, There is no Frenchman in England who occupies the position you do in Paris. Perhaps there isn't, I answered mechanically, my thoughts turning to Lewis, who was certainly going down in the world. I should have done better to have left him in the Mont Rouge to get his living as a workman, for he'll never be able to scrape together any sort of living as a painter, and my spirits rose mountains high against him. An old man from the sea, I said, whom I cannot shake off.
But the courage to fling him into the street was lacking, and I continued to bear with him day after day, hoping that he would leave me of his own accord. He was well enough in Julian's studio or in the Beaux-Arts or in English and American society, but he would seem shallow and superficial in the Nouvelle Athènes, and I always avoided taking him there; but one night he asked me to tell him where I was dining, and I had to tell him at the Nouvelle Athènes. He pleaded to be allowed to accompany me, and I will admit to some vanity on my part; or was it curiosity that prompted me to introduce him to Degas, who very graciously invited us to sit at his table and talked to us of his art, addressing himself as often to Lewis as he did to me. He opened his whole mind to us, beguiled by Lewis's excellent listening, until the waiter brought him a dish of almonds and raisins. Then a lull came, and Lewis said, leaning across the table:
I think, Monsieur Degas, you will agree with me that, more than any other artist among us, Jules Lefebre sums up all the qualities that an artist should possess.
My heart misgave me, and Degas's laughter did not console me, nor his words whispered in my ear as he left:
Votre ami est très fort.... Il m'a fait monter l'échelle comme personne. And a few days afterwards in the Rue Pigalle he said:
Comment va votre ami? Ah! celui-là est d'une force.
Mais, cher ami, le pauvre garçon n'a jamais su se dégager—
Pas du tout; il est très fort.
Son esprit n'a jamais su dépasser certaines bornes ... la Rue Bonaparte.
But no explanation pleased Degas as much as his own: Il m'a tiré les vers du nez ... et comme personne. I resisted this explanation till, feeling that I was beginning to show myself in a stupid light, I accepted it outwardly, though convinced inly that Lewis had been guilty of the unpardonable sin—lack of comprehension. He must go and at once, and as soon as I returned home I begged him to leave me. At the end of the month, when my mother sends me my money, he answered, and my heart sank at the thought of having him with me so long. I think I must have answered, For God's sake go! and a few days afterwards the concierge mentioned to my great surprise that Monsieur Hawkins had left, and had paid her the few francs he owed her. A good trait on his part, I thought, and my heart softened toward him suddenly, and continued soft until a lady told me that Monsieur Hawkins had been to see her and had borrowed a hundred francs from her.
I didn't dare refuse, she said, but I thought it rather mean of him to come to ask me for the money.
We sat looking at each other, the lady thinking no doubt that I should not have told Lewis I was her lover, and myself thinking that I had at length caught Lewis in deliberate blackmail; and, going round to the studio in which he had settled himself, I said, before looking round the walls to admire the sketches:
I have just come from Miss ——, and she tells me you borrowed a hundred francs from her.
If I did, you borrowed from Alice Howard, my mistress, he answered.
I had forgotten, and sat dumbfounded. But why had I borrowed this money? I never wanted for money. Perhaps to put Alice to the test, or to get back some of my own, for she had borrowed often from me, and finding her in affluent circumstances.... She asked me some days after to repay her, and I gave her the money that was in my pockets—a hundred francs; the other hundred I forgot all about till one evening at Alphonsine's I saw her rise up from her place and walk toward me, a vindictive look round her mouth and eyes.
Have you come, she said, to pay me the money that you owe me?
To admit that I had borrowed money from Alice at Alphonsine's was impossible; lies happen very seldom in my life, but they have happened, and this was an occasion when a lie was necessary. But I lied badly from lack of habit, and Lewis had heard from the women there that I had not stood up to Alice; and now to pass off the matter on which I had come to speak to him, I asked him how I should have answered Alice.
You should have answered her ironically: Toi, tu m'as prêté de l'argent? Où ça? Quand tu venais me trouver à l'hôtel de toutes les Russies et que tu pleurais pour un déjeuner? Quand tu n'avais pas deux mètres d'indienne à te coller sur les fesses? Non, mais vrai: y avait-il une maquerelle rue de Provence qui voulait de ta peau? Tu dis que tu m'as prêté de l'argent? C'est-il quand ton tôlier te reprenait ta clé tous les matins, ou quand tu demandais aux michés cinquante centimes pour aller aux chiottes?
Splendid! I cried.
Faut pas se laisser marcher sur le pied, dis. Je ne lui aurais par parlé autrement.
You have l'esprit prime-sautier, but any wit I have is l'esprit de l'escalier ... et de la dernière marche.
Je ne lui aurais pas parlé autrement.
Patter always excites my admiration; we get back to origins—to the monkey. And looking round the studio the number of sketches that I saw everywhere in oil and water-colour put the thought into my mind that Lewis must have discovered a patron and was living as comfortably as he had ever done with me. So all my sacrifices were in vain, I said to myself, and aloud to him: You are doing a great deal of work. I have discovered a patron, he answered, and he told me of an old man living in a barred house in a distant suburb who never opened his door except to a certain ring—an old man in gold-rimmed spectacles who would buy any drawing that Lewis brought him at a price: thirty francs for a flower in a vase, for an apple, a pear, for a street corner, for a head sketched in ten minutes. He is your banker? I said. Yes; it's just like cashing a cheque. And I left the studio hoping that the old man who looked at Lewis's drawings through gold-rimmed spectacles would live for many a year. His death would certainly bring back Lewis to me asking for fifty, for a hundred francs; and if I could not lend him so much he would ask for twenty, and if I could not manage twenty he would ask for ten, and if I could not manage ten he would ask for five, perhaps coming down to the price of his omnibus home. But the old man continued in the flesh, and weeks and months passed away without my seeing or hearing from Lewis. Years must have gone by before we met at Barbizon, whither he had gone intent upon investing all his savings on a Salon picture.
An old graveyard full of the lush of June had taken his fancy, and after many sketches he was still certain that he had hit on a good subject for a picture. A critic pointed out that two children looking at a gravestone would balance the composition; another said that a yellow cat coming from the cottages along the wall would complete it. Both were right; all that now remained for Lewis to do was to paint the picture. But he lacked touch, and his picture would have remained very tinny if Stott of Oldham had not arrived at Barbizon suddenly.
You mustn't rub the paint like that. See here; and taking the brush from Lewis's hand he mixed a tone and drew the brush slowly from right to left. Almost at once the paint began to look less like tin, and Lewis said, I think I understand, and he was able to imitate Scott sufficiently well to produce a picture which Bouguereau said would attract attention in the Salon if the title were changed to Les Deux Orphelins.
L'Amour renaît de ses Cendres is not a title that will appeal to the general public.
Lewis tried to explain that what he meant was that the love of the parents is born again in their children; but he allowed Bouguereau's good sense to prevail, and the picture drew from Albert Wolf an enthusiastic notice of nearly half a column in the Figaro, after which it became the fashion to go to the Salon to see Les Deux Orphelins and Monsieur Hawkins, un jeune peintre anglais de beaucoup de talent, for Lewis could not separate himself from his picture, and every day he grew bolder, receiving his friends in front of it and explaining to them, and to all and sundry, the second title, L'Amour renaît de ses Cendres. His conduct was not very dignified, but he had been waiting so long for recognition of his talent that he could not restrain himself. He sold Les Orphelins for ten thousand francs, and next year the Salon was filled with imitations of it, and there was a moment when it seemed that Julian's prophesy was about to come true. The hotel in the Champs Élysées was being sought for when Lewis's first patron, the old man to whom he had sold his sketches for twenty-five or thirty francs apiece, died suddenly; and for nearly two years Welden Hawkinses were being knocked down at the Hôtel de Vente for fifty and a hundred francs apiece.
Fifteen hundred or two thousand pictures thrown upon the market was no doubt a misfortune, I said as I stirred the fire, but if Lewis had been a man of healthy talent he would have painted other pictures. But his talent was the talent of un détraqué, and a recollection of a naked man looking at a naked woman through a mask was remembered. The hereditary taint was always there, I said, and I began to turn over in my mind all that Lewis had told me about his father. My father left mamma some three or four years after their marriage. I think I was twenty before I ever saw him. I was given an address of a lodging-house in St James's, and found my father in a small back room, sitting on a bed playing the flute. Oh, is that you, Lewis? Just a moment. Lewis had heard from his mother many stories of his father's eccentricities, and he had an opportunity of verifying these in St James's Street, for when the elder Hawkins laid aside his flute and engaged in perfunctory conversation with his son he allowed a fly to crawl over his face. Every moment Lewis expected his father to brush the insect away. It had been round one eye several times, and had descended the nose, and was about to go up the eye once again when Lewis, who could contain himself no longer, cried out:
Father, that fly!
Pray don't disturb it, I like the sensation.
My thoughts passed from Lewis to Jim, and I sat for a long time asking myself if Jim would have succeeded better than Lewis if he had gone to Paris in the 'fifties. He had more talent than Lewis, but his talent seemed still less capable of cultivation. There is a lot of talent in Ireland, but whether any of it is capable of cultivation is a question one can ponder for days, and my thoughts breaking away suddenly I remembered how, soon after my return from Ireland when I had settled in Cecil Street in the Strand, and was trying to make my living by writing for the papers, the desire to see Jim again in the old studio in Prince's Gardens had come upon me, and I had gone away one night in a cab to Kensington; but the appearance of the footman who opened the door surprised me, and I asked myself if Jim had sold some pictures, or had let the house. He had sold the house, and any letters that came from him were sent to Arthur's Club, where I could obtain news of him. The porter told me that any letter would be forwarded, but I wanted to see Jim that very night, and addressing myself to the secretary of the club, who happened to be passing through the hall at that moment, I begged of him to authorise the porter to give me Mr Browne's address, which he did: and I went away in a cab certain that the end of the drive would bring me face to face with my old boon companion. The cab turned out of Baker Street and we were soon in Park Road driving between Regent's Park and a high wall with doors let into it. Before one of these the hansom stopped and I saw a two-storeyed house standing in the midst of a square plot. A maid-servant took me up a paved pathway, mentioning that Mr Browne was on the drawing-room floor, and I found him waiting expectant in his smock, a palette and a sheaf of brushes in his left hand, the thumb of his right hand in his leather belt.
My dear Jim, I've been to Prince's Gardens.
We've sold the house and Pinkie and Ada have gone to live with friends and relations.
There was a feeling in the room that nobody had called to see him for many a month, and I noticed that a good deal of colour had died out of the thick locks of flaxen hair and that his throat was wrinkled.
And all your pictures, Jim?
Your mother was kind enough to hang them up in Alfred Place when we left Prince's Gardens, and when she left the house at the end of her lease the pictures were taken away.
And you didn't make any inquiries?
Well, you see, I haven't room for many canvases.
The moment had come when I must show some interest in his pictures, and turning from the one on the easel I picked one out of the rows, hoping that the design might inspire a few words of praise.
You must have painted a dozen or twenty times upon it. I don't know how you can work over such a surface, a thick coagulated scum. Why don't you scrape? Manet always scrapes before painting, and he never loses the freshness; his paint is like cream after twenty repaintings.
Jim did not know anything about Manet, nor did he care to hear about Monet, Sisley, Renoir, the Nouvelle Athènes and its litterati. He knew nothing of Banville's versification and had not read Goncourt's novels, so I told him that Catulle had thought well of my French sonnet, for having written a drama on the subject of Luther it was necessary to write a French dedicatory sonnet, and I recited it to Jim to revenge myself upon him for his having told me that he knew French as well as English.
My landlady's daughter, he said, pointing to a small portrait on the wall, and some time afterwards a young girl was heard singing on the stairs. There she is. Shall I ask her in?
I begged of him to do so, and a somewhat pretty girl with round eyes and a vivacious voice, came into the room and chattered with us; but her interest in the fact that Jim was my cousin was a little high-pitched, and it was obvious that she took no interest in his pictures, or indeed in any pictures; and it was a relief when she turned to Jim to ask him if he was staying to dinner.
Let us go out together and dine somewhere, I said.
Yes, ask him out to dinner. It will do him good. He hasn't been beyond the garden for weeks.
Yes, Jim; we will go up town and dine together.
I have no money.
But father will lend you any money you want. It will go down in the ... you can settle with father when you like.
She left the room and Jim spoke of the people in whose house he was lodging, a dancing master and his wife, and he gave me a mildly sarcastic account of Mrs —— coming up to see him in the morning to tell him that he might have the use of the parlour for ten shillings extra; my ears retain his voice still saying something about coals and gas not being included, and what tickled his fancy was the way the old lady used to linger about the drawing-room trying to draw the conversation on to his sisters, where was Miss Ada living now, and was Miss Pinkie still living with Lord Shaftesbury? He continued talking, moving the canvases about, and I was willing to appreciate the designs if he would only say that he would come out to dinner. At last he said:
You see, I haven't been to my tailor's for a long time, and my wardrobe is in a ragged and stained condition. I dare say they'll be able to find some cold beef or cold mutton or a sausage or two in the larder. You don't mind?
Of course I did not mind. It was for a talk about old times that I had come, and after the cold meats we returned to the drawing-room. Jim showed me all his latest designs and we discussed them together, mingling our memories of the women we had known. The names of Alice Harford, Annie Temple, and Mademoiselle d'Anka came into the conversation; I told him about Alice Howard, hoping he would ask me if she were as big as Alice Harford, and then, determined to rouse him, I said the great love affair of my life was a small, thin woman. Still he did not answer.
If a woman be sensual—
Beauty is better than bumping, he answered with a laugh, and it seemed that we were to have one of our erstwhile conversations about Art and that Jim would draw forth a canvas and say, This has all the beauties of Raphael and other beauties besides; but he seemed to have lost nearly all his interest in painting, allowing me, however, to search round the room and discover behind the sofa a new version of Cain Shielding his Wife from Wild Beasts, and I spoke of the design and the conception and the movement of the man about to hurl a spear at a great lion approaching from behind a rock. He took up his palette but forgot to roar like a lion, and when he laid it aside he did not sing Il balen or A che la morte, nor did he tell me that Pinkie had a more beautiful voice than Jenny Lind, and when we walked across the garden and he bade me goodbye at the gate, I felt that he had worn out himself as well as his clothes—his hopes, his talent, his enthusiasm for life, all were gone, an echo remained, an echo which I did not try to reawaken. I never saw him again; he was for me but an occasional thought, until one day I found myself sitting next a showily dressed woman at luncheon, the daughter of Jim's landlady, and it was from her I learnt that Jim had died about two years back in Park Road. She said he had become quite a hermit in the later years of his life, never leaving the house except for a stroll round the garden.
Painting always, I said.

I am setting up reservations for my boss and some business associates for a Monday night dinner, I need recommendations of places near the MGM hotel and casino please!

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• Nightlife: Las Vegas comes to life at night, with an abundance of nightclubs, bars, and lounges to choose from. Whether you're into dancing or just having a few drinks, there's something for everyone.
  
• Shopping: Las Vegas has a vast range of shopping options, from high-end designer stores to outlet malls, where you can score some great deals.
  

Best time to visit Las Vegas is from March to May and September to November when the temperatures are more moderate and the crowds are thinner.
If you're looking for other places to visit near Las Vegas, you can take a day trip to the Grand Canyon, which is just a few hours drive away. You can also visit Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon, and Lake Mead.
To make the most of your Las Vegas vacation, consider booking a hotel from Hotellook to get the best prices and discounts. You can also save on flights by booking through Aviasales, which offers affordable and cheap airline tickets.

Singapore is a vibrant city-state located in Southeast Asia. It is a modern metropolis filled with skyscrapers, lush parks and gardens, and an array of cultural attractions. Here are some features of Singapore you shouldn't miss:

• Marina Bay Sands: A luxurious hotel and resort complex that features an observation deck with stunning views of the city skyline.
• Gardens by the Bay: A beautiful park that boasts enormous and colorful outdoor gardens, as well as climate-controlled conservatories filled with exotic flora and fauna.
• Sentosa Island: A popular beach resort that is home to Universal Studios Singapore, a casino, and other entertainment venues.
• Merlion Park: A landmark attraction that features a giant statue of a half-lion, half-fish creature that is the symbol of Singapore.
• Chinatown: A bustling neighborhood filled with Chinese shops, restaurants, and historical sites.

Visitors to Singapore can enjoy a variety of entertainment options, including cultural performances, shopping, and dining. The best time to visit Singapore is from November to January, when the weather is cooler and drier. However, Singapore is a year-round destination due to its consistently warm weather.
Other places to visit near Singapore include the neighboring island of Batam, Indonesia, which is known for its beaches and golf courses. Another popular destination is Johor Bahru, Malaysia, which is just across the border from Singapore and offers shopping and dining experiences that are distinct from Singapore. For those looking for a more adventurous outdoor experience, the rainforest of Borneo in Malaysia is also a worthwhile trip.
To ensure maximum savings on your Singapore vacation, it is recommended to book a hotel through Hotellook, which offers the best prices and discounts. You can also book your flights to Singapore through Aviasales, which has a reputation for offering the cheapest and best flights in the world.

https://hiphopdx.com/news/50-cent-randall-emmett-power-racial-slur

According to the lawsuit, Emmett called 50 cent “this fucking n---er” in August 2020 after reading his book Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter, which depicted the Power producer in a not-so-favorable light. He also allegedly told G’Blae: “All you guys are alike. All you guys do is hustle people,” before throwing the book at him.

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https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2022-11-01/randall-emmett-sued-for-race-discrimination-hostile-workplace-martin-gblae

The complaint — against Emmett, business partner George Furla and their L.A.-based film production company — asserts that Emmett made racist comments about Black performers, including rappers 50 Cent, Cardi B and Quavo.
G’Blae’s lawsuit contains 24 claims of alleged legal violations, including that Emmett asked G’Blae to retrieve a “brick of cocaine” from a hotel room in Puerto Rico during a work trip in early 2020. The former assistant also said Emmett enlisted him in an “insurance fraud scam,” asking him to file an insurance claim for his missing Rolls Royce, which G’Blae maintains wasn’t actually stolen.
In June 2020, Emmett called G’Blae into his office — in front of at least two other people — and asked: “‘What was that sickness you had that makes you retarded?’ Although uncomfortable with the question, G’Blae reminded him that he had ADHD,” according to the lawsuit.

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https://www.thewrap.com/randall-emmett-accused-of-racial-discrimination-by-former-assistant-in-new-lawsuit/

He also accuses Emmett of requiring him to pay “prostitutes and drug dealers” on Emmett’s behalf and do “everything else Emmett and others asked.”
G’Blae also says that he was denied lawful breaks and wasn’t fairly compensated for his work, and experienced verbal abuse.

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Original detailed LA Times article: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2022-06-30/randall-emmett-bruce-willis-pacino-lala-kent
Archive version: https://web.archive.org/web/20230517134317/https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2022-06-30/randall-emmett-bruce-willis-pacino-lala-kent

...A review of hundreds of court filings and internal company records, as well as interviews with three dozen former associates, depicts an empire that is crumbling. The once-high-flying producer faces lawsuits and mounting debts, as well as allegations of abuse against women, assistants and business partners. He is accused of inappropriate behavior with women, including offering acting work in exchange for sexual favors, and of forcing assistants to conduct dangerous and illegal activity on his behalf. Through his spokeswoman, Sallie Hofmeister, Emmett denied these allegations.
...Emmett used an array of tactics to try to keep these allegations secret, including entering into nondisclosure agreements and allegedly promising a payment of about $200,000 to a female accuser, which Emmett has denied.
...Emmett and his company now are confronting nearly a dozen lawsuits, including several from former financiers, an insurance company and a prior landlord, all clamoring to be repaid their portion of more than $25 million in outstanding loans and disputed payments. Several lawsuits accuse Emmett’s company of misrepresentation and civil fraud.
...“He ran after me, tackled me and knocked me to the ground,” Kent said, echoing claims she made in her request for custody of their daughter. “I used every ounce of strength to get him off of me as he was trying to pry it from my hands. … That was when I knew, for sure, that there was a lot he was hiding.”
...Allred’s letter, which The Times reviewed, was dated Oct. 5, 2021, and sent to Emmett via FedEx and email. In it Allred alleges that the producer explicitly told the woman, who declined to make her name public, “that to receive acting work from [him], she would have to perform sexual favors.” The letter then cites a text exchange in which Allred’s client asked Emmett if she’d won an acting role she’d auditioned for in one of his projects. “Yes. one day of work and u need to fuckme hun,” Emmett responded, according to the letter.
...Numerous former assistants said Emmett demanded 24/7 assistance, frequently called them disparaging names and asked them to transport drugs, deliver payments to women and put large expenses on their personal credit cards.
...Szymanska said in an interview that her boss told her he didn’t like working with women because he felt they weren’t “emotionally strong.” (Emmett denied the allegation.) One night in July 2021, she said he summoned her to his house for an urgent errand around 10 p.m. His blood pressure was low, he said, and he needed coconut water and Muscle Milk to raise his sodium levels. Drinks in tow, Szymanska arrived at Emmett’s house about an hour later to find her boss, fully visible through the glass entryway of his home, “lying naked on a couch.” “I became extremely uncomfortable and disturbed,” she wrote in a declaration filed in the custody proceeding. “When I entered, Randall nonchalantly grabbed a pillow to cover his penis.”
...Several former assistants said they grew weary of the alleged abuse and Emmett’s semiregular threats of termination. “If you do that again, your fired,” read one typical text. Three former assistants said they also endured insulting remarks such as “you’re a moron,” “do something with the zits on your face,” “you’re f— lazy.”
...“Randall was different from being just a mean boss. He made people do dangerous things — and illegal things,” G’Blae said in May. “You had to be his punching bag — and his mule.”
... A second former assistant who accompanied G’Blae that night corroborated the account, saying the drugs looked “bricked up, like they were off a cocaine kilo.” “I had seen Randall do lines off a poker table at Sundance [Film Festival] the month before,” this assistant said. “And while we were in Puerto Rico, Randall had me carry his drugs around in my sock during a night out and pull them out for him whenever we got to a casino. He offered me some, but I said no.”

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More articles:

• https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/tv/story/2023-05-15/randall-emmett-hulu-vanderpump
• https://deadline.com/2023/05/the-randall-scandal-love-loathing-and-vanderpump-lala-kent-exposes-randall-emmett-hulu-documentary-1235367065/
• https://realityblurb.com/2022/11/02/randall-emmett-racial-discrimination-lawsuit-n-word-50-cent/

I’m looking for an affordable nail salon near the Plaza Hotel & Casino.
I’m hoping to get a pedicure before I leave for vacation!
Any recommendations appreciated!

Zaikiya Duncan, a mother of eight, is the focus of a child abuse investigation after her teenage twins ran from their Texas home on Tuesday, October 18, 2022. They went from house to house begging for help until they got safely into a neighbors home. The good samaritan then called the authorities.
The 15-year-old twins told police they were handcuffed, beaten, starved and imprisoned by their mother and her boyfriend, Jova Tyrell, 27, at their home in Cypress, Texas, near Houston. When authorities heard about their ordeal, they issued an Amber Alert for Zaikiya and Jova Tyrell, who fled with their five children, ages 7 to 14. Duncan and Tyrell were arrested in Louisiana shortly after police launched a nationwide manhunt. All the children were taken into custody. Tyrell allegedly assaulted a family member in Harris County, Texas. According to the New York Post, Zaikiya, 40, faces charges of assault and battery against a family member with a prior conviction.
While investigating the case, police discovered that Duncan had a history of child abuse going back a decade. Authorities also discovered that Zaikiya Duncan's other children were also horribly abused.
The twins told authorities their mother forced them to drink bleach and urine while locked in a laundry room, their hands were bound with zip ties and handcuffs. Zakiya Duncan has been investigated at least two times within a decade before her 15-year-old twins went barefoot and shirtless to knock on several doors soliciting neighbors for help, a police investigation revealed.
According to court documents obtained by the New York Post, Zaikiya Duncan was convicted of child cruelty on October 29, 2019, after abandoning a child in Louisiana. The document does not indicate whether or not the child was taken from Duncan's custody. The authorities could not comment on the child abandonment case.
According to The Advocate magazine, Zaikiya Duncan was charged with one count of cruelty to minors in 2012, as was the children's father, Nicholas Menina, who is the father of at least five of Duncan's children. In 2012, Duncan was investigated for abuse after her 5-year-old child was taken from school to a hospital after burns were found on her genitals, legs, and other parts of her body, court documents showed. Medical examinations revealed that the burns were related to injuries caused by immersion in hot water. When authorities arrived at Duncan's home, they also found a 20-month-old baby bound and in tight clothing. It is unclear whether the children were removed from their homes after authorities discovered they had been subjected to horrific disciplinary tactics, including being forced to sleep on the floor of a locked closet in Baton Rouge.
According to the New York Post, Menina currently lives in Baton Rouge with his new wife. Zaikiya Duncan, who has no work history, moved into her Texas home two weeks before the twins fled.
Duncan and her boyfriend, Tyrell, are awaiting extradition from Louisiana to Texas, where they are being held. Authorities said they will file formal charges against the couple once they arrive in Texas.
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