Hair colorists near me

/r/CaptainHair59 Go one, go all, Captain Hairs 1-58!

2015.12.30 22:26 CaptainHair59 /r/CaptainHair59 Go one, go all, Captain Hairs 1-58!

Hopefully the other CaptainHair\s will leave me alone here...

2014.11.08 20:09 14th3road The Unofficial Subreddit of The Around The NFL Podcast

A subreddit full of heroes - a place for fans of the Around The NFL Podcast to talk about our favorite podcasters, writers, guests and lunatics.

2012.11.27 06:41 TANK23415 Good Guy Turtle

The Official Subreddit for the Good Guy Turtle Meme!

2023.05.31 02:32 ButterscotchEven6198 Did she really not like the character?

Did she really not like the character?
A lot of people have said how she didn't like the character /arc/ etc, often referring to her aloof behaviour in the Vulture interview. Reading this makes me question that. One interview is one interview. She could have been moody and annoyed by other stuff (someone said she had just had a break up).
What do you think, did she really not like the character and wanted out or was she written out and sad about that?
submitted by ButterscotchEven6198 to Yellowjackets [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:30 ProfessorHYT Hey y'all! I need some help figuring out this guy's origin story.

So I got this random Gliscor from a wonder trade during my first playthrough of Pokemon Y back in 2018. He was my first level 100 and I have fond memories of sweeping the Kalos league with him. I just checked in on him in Pokemon Home since he hasn't had a chance to be used in a while and I was shocked to see how old he was (met in Johto in 2012). He has perfect IV's, Adamant nature, near perfect EV's, and pokerus immunity, but he had these flaws and bits of personality when I got him that make me think he wasn't genned (no hidden ability, not shiny, fun nickname). His OT is "Smogon" which makes me wonder could he be a tournament prize pokemon? Or was some trainer just really determined to train a badass Gliscor? If anyone has info on this guy's origin please lmk.
submitted by ProfessorHYT to pokemon [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:30 Geronimo7686 Appreciation

Man, I remember when you and I first met. I remember the whole entire day,
Showed up to freshman football, saw you and knew I’d never get to play.
Tried to copy you, thinking “how does this guy do this?”
Got hit by you once and thought “holy shit, was that ray lewis?”
Little known fact but 100% true,
I ran your way again the very next play…because it was an honor to be tackled by you!
All star on the field but off you were even better!
Checked your report card once, “A” was the only letter.
Your name held the top grade of every class,
Only time that changed was when we stopped calling you Sebastian and shortened it to sebass.
You’re the smartest guy I know, you’ve read libraries of books,
I could go on about your intelligence but let me switch it up to your looks!
You easily took the prize for Ohios hottest man of the year,
You’re in the presence of greatness every time you just look in the mirror!
And don’t get me started on the hair, so strong and so luscious,
Gosh I’d give anything just to be one of your brushes!
I mean it even looks good when it’s casually a mess,
Now to your body, dude did you trade in your bed and just sleep on a bench press?
You are massive, you’re jacked, you’re swole!
I pray you never die but if you do, it would take an army just to dig the hole.
The biceps, the triceps and the pecs,
If Adrienne ever fumbles and you break up, I’ve already got dibs on next.
You are the prime example of kindness and politeness,
When I go too far wrong you’re there to show me where right is!
I mean you’re so nice and treat everyone with the most respect,
Went out for beers and dinner, and before I could try, you already payed the check!
I offered to split but he didn’t even let me help ‘em.
As soon as I said “thank you”, mr nice guy followed right back up with “you’re welcome”
I mean this guy is nice, he’s genuine!
We’re all lucky just to be friends with him!
You know exactly what you want, strictly yes and no, not maybes.
Every girl you’ve met is jealous of Adrienne because they aren’t the ones having your babies!
And when the day comes for babies I guarantee you’d be a fairly odd parent, but you’d be juandisimo!!
I bet When other kids hear you’re not their dad they are probably miserable!!
I can go on and on about nice things to say,
I think I’ll just end this though with a cheers and a happy birthday!
It’s my bestfriends birthday next week and we’re having a honey roast and this is my speech. Adrienne is his girlfriend. Probably not finished but a rough draft.
submitted by Geronimo7686 to poetry_critics [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:30 chilliwog 34 [M4F] #NYC/ Anywhere - Looking for a friend or more

Please be single. After a couple of messages I'd like to swap face pics. It's nice to put a face to the woman I'm chatting with. I’m looking for a friend or more and open to meeting up in the future. Here's a bit about me:
-Loves to travel
-Open to new things
-Gamer (mostly video games but board games are cool too!)
-Enjoy watching shows on Disney+/Netflix/Hulu especially Mandalorian and The Last of Us!
-Also likes cuddles and hanging out with special ladies! Physical details: 6’4" Short black hair, glasses, bearded, slender, White/Asian
submitted by chilliwog to r4r [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:29 Ok_Elk_2359 Why do "pretty boys" age so badly?

From about 14 to 21 I was a popular lad, a lot of girls referred to me as a "pretty boy".
I had a ton of fun at university, but my life seemed to take a huge downswing after 21.
I experienced male pattern baldness, and my hair loss was rapid (by 25 I had lost all of my crown and most of my temple).
I grew my beard to try and compensate, but that quickly turned grey.
Covid wasn't particularly kind on me, in the lockdown I gained an extra 50% of bodyweight, and now at 28 I look like an ogre.
submitted by Ok_Elk_2359 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:29 sofiiachart I fell in love with a guy who was a girl all this time

Hi Reddit users! My name is Sofia. English is not my native language, so it can be bad and too formal sometimes. I hope that I will not embarrass my English teacher on the Internet and the translator will not let me down ;).
I'm a newbie in Reddit community, this net isn't very popular in my country. I sign up and write this post to tell you my story and hear your opinion and advise. I can't speak about this with my friends and especially parents, because I don't want to disturb them. Only 3 my close friends know about this situation, but they have no idea what is happening right now. I would be very happy if people with similar experience would share it with me. Maybe this can help me somehow
Okay.. On May 28, 2022, I was scrolling through my Tiktok feed and saw a video where girl asked to drop your id in a comments for bringing people to the Telegram chat. I already had the experience of being in chatrooms, most of my friends were abroad and I really lacked communication with others. That's why I sent my id and I don't regret it at all, because this chat became a real 2nd family for me (fortunately, there were no russians there, but there were people from Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Belarus, etc.)
When I talked a little, a guy with Spike Spiegel avatar joined the conversation (it was thanks to him that I became so fond of "Cowboy Bebop" lmao). We were so different and so the similar at the same time. He was much more relaxed and confident than me, but we had almost the same problems and life experiences, so we got off on the right foot with him. Even the results in the stupid tests on the uquiz were identical with us. We became good friends almost immediately. I always waited for his messages and his thoughts, because they often coincided with us. So the fact that I fell in love with him was not surprising and very natural. However, there were some things, which made me wary (although I constantly tried to throw anxious thoughts out of my head):
  1. His name - Zhenya. I should admit that Zhenia is a short non-formal form of 2 names - Evgen/Evgeniy(male) or Evgenia(female). Therefore, this form of the name is quite non-binary and is used by both men and women. Also, I know that his real name was Julian (feminine form - Juliana, Julia), and he later changed it to Evgeniy in documents. But even here the form of the name Zhenya was used, although less often. (Sorry if I spelled these names wrong)
  2. His pronouns - he/she. He said that he didn't care how people addressed him on the Internet, but he usually used the he/him, that's why we all addressed him that way. Zhenya also used the passive voice of verbs and the infinitive when talked about himself and if necessary, he used verbs in the masculine gender. In the chat, we addressed each other as "you" in a respectful manner (like "Sie" in German language).
  3. He spoke very little. Yes, it was part of his character - he didn't like to talk about himself for no reason and that made him a great listener. Unfortunately, I only now realized that he did it also in order not to say something superfluous.
  4. His interests, hobbies, and behavior fit more within the "boy" boundaries than the "girl" ones. Of course, this sounds very subjective and a bit stereotypical, but I've never met a girl or woman who likes Resident Evil games or old Japanese motorcycles (by no means judging female readers who like those things, I do too their). It was also about his behavior, manner of correspondence and experiences that usually happen with men.
  5. Zhenya never sent his photos. There were photos of nature, the sky, the streets, anything but my own( he has just sent photos of his hand and eye). He promised us for a long time that he would definitely send them when he bought a new camera or simply when he could, but we never saw them. Of course, no one pressured him, but everyone was very interested. Honestly, me too, but even if there was far from the standard of world beauty, I wouldn't give up my feelings for him.
Probably all these points were pretty obvious cause for concern. And I was worried. Although my defense mechanism or just cockroaches in my head kept saying and saying that all this is complete nonsense and not worth my attention.
I reached such a peak of feelings for him that I was absolutely not concerned about the appearance , only the person himself and his personality. I only had to fall in love with the personality. But not everything was so terrible (I thought so), because Zhenya described himself in words. Yes, it was quite silly to believe this, but I was a fool in love. I sat like a policeman with my drawing skills (I studied for 5 years at an art school and graduated from it) and composed his photo robot. I didn't get anything( It was reminiscent of putting together the characters from books - you understood their features in appearance, but could not imagine them together.
As I said above, members of the chat have literally become my second family and close friends. They began to dream of me. Everyone was beautiful, alive, as if they just came out of photographs, and so real that I remember these impressive dreams down to the smallest details. Zhenya was there too, with a blurred face, his incredible reddish-blonde hair and with soft dark hands with thin fingers. One day he did dream clearly to me. I was able to see in my dream all the things that I could not put in a heap for so long. That day I cried a lot, literally everything that I had kept inside for so long came out of me.
When I was having a bad time, I saw him online and decided to write about my well-being. He did not mind and helped me a lot. I started writing to him in private messages more often. If someone looked at our correspondence, they would say "Damn, they've been dating for 100 years!" We very often wrote to each other "I love you", words of thanks and support. He loved to listen and praise me. Every day I wanted to confess to him more and more, but I was afraid of it. I was afraid of his reaction or that our friendship would simply end. I could talk about it for a long time, but one event melted everything into place.
It was May 28, 2023, we were celebrating the chat's birthday. After greetings and wishes, we just started texting and reminiscing about how the Internet led us. Then the girl from the chat wrote: "Just imagine what phrases we will say to each other when we meet for the first time..." I wrote "OMG, Zhenya is a woman???", and he replied "Well, it's generally canon" . We were stunned because we thought it was a joke. He said he would explain everything now and logged off. During the 2 hour wait, my internet friend and I texted about this situation. She said that she frankly did not care what Zhenya used in the toilet, but she was worried about how he would tell us about it if his "joke" turned out to be true. I agreed with her words, but a volcano erupted inside me. In short, and as you already understood from the title of the post, it turned out to be true. Zhenya was a girl all this fcking time. I crashed.
I decided to confess to him right away what I felt for him. He apologized a lot. I, in turn, said that it was not his fault, that I would accept him as he is and apologized for my stupidity. He thanked.
Three nights have passed since then, all these nights I had nightmares. During the day, as if out of habit, I thought about him, but at one point I suddenly cut myself off and clearly said in my head "Sofia, THAT Zhenya does not exist, you stupid btch!!!!!" I do not blame him in any way, he did not tell this not because he did not trust us, but because he was afraid of condemnation. I'm not going to dump him after he's opened his soul, so what kind of friend am I? He said that he was most afraid of my reaction, because he simply did not understand what it would be. We are too alike.
I will understand and forgive. Everything except his stupidity and naivety. Everything was so obvious almost immediately, but I was under the influence of emotions. It was my first such serious crush, and even now I continue to love Zhenya and I don't know what to do. I'm hoping to get a job this summer and start saving up to go see all my internet friends. I have to hug them all, not only in my sleep. I'm sorry that the post is so long and rambling, but while I was writing all this, I felt a lot better. Please, if you had a similar experience, share it with him. You are not alone, and your memories can help others. Be kinder to people, because “You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.
submitted by sofiiachart to u/sofiiachart [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:29 Cousy-Cousy My oldest child (16) has told me they also think they may be trans

I (41) started transitioning from female to male last year. I've been mostly happy with my progress and am proud of my four kids (16, 11 year twins, 4) for their handling of it. A couple nights ago my oldest told me that they've been thinking they may also want to transition from female to male and they claim they had been feeling that way since before I came out.
Obviously I'd be a supportive parent if they decided to actually go through with transitioning, but part of me is skeptical overall that they aren't just struggling with my transition in a way. Part of me feels like they're just responding to what they see as a loss of a maternal figure. Their behavior has changed a bit over the past 2-3 years but I attributed that to COVID and aging.
I've enrolled them with a therapist that specializes in trans youth and if they decide after a while they really want to transition, I'll be extremely supportive. I kind of feel bad for my skepticism, honestly. I had actively wanted to be a man for nearly a decade before going through with it. In the meantime we'll experiment with male pronouns and helping with presentation as much as they're comfortable with. If they decide against it, we never have to bring it up again.
submitted by Cousy-Cousy to FTMOver30 [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:28 401kind I visited my therapist's sister's grave. I feel really awful.

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of various forms of abuse including SA, mention of suicide in some detail, mention of death
I understand this is the internet and I cannot expect people to have grace or mercy on me for any of this. All I can do is ask that if you’re going to give me your input, that you try and be as kind as possible. My heart is hurting and I really don’t feel I am in a place to hear that I need to entirely -drop- this therapist right now. My background of abuse and trauma will hopefully explain why that is, but I am not ready to let go. I am mostly posting this to vent, but also hoping that if anyone does have any advice that could help me even just in the short term with coping, that it will be gently shared.
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible but there’s a whole lot of history here. I am 27F, and I grew up in an unimaginably abusive home. Sex trafficking, severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my father and my older brother (very patriarchal family), and a slew of very complicated and scary health issues including a liver disease and cancer. My family set me up to never be able to move out or live independently because they genuinely have viewed me to be their property. The severity of this can hopefully be summed up in just a few example:
• Was never allowed to even get myself a glass of water in the kitchen or learn to cook • Was not potty trained and had to rely on my mom to go to the bathroom into my teenage years • Drinking only from sippy cups until teenage years • Location monitored on my phone • Every credit card transaction / finance watched closely • Could not move away from college 
My brother was allowed and able to do all these things, but I was not. My entire life, teachers and “adults” that were supposed to catch these things did not even bat an eye. They instead placed me in remedial classes and ESL assuming that I just had a learning disability or a language barrier (which I do not). When I told teachers in the past about my abuse, it was handled extremely poorly and no authorities ever got involved. My life felt worthless; meaningless. Like I could scream from the rooftops of my school that I was being abused and no one cared.
This past January, I did the unthinkable. I left my family and got my own apartment. Friends, therapists, coworkers, everyone who remotely knew me has been pushing me to do this for years and I genuinely thought I would die in my situation. I developed severe Stockholm syndrome so a huge part of my lack of leaving was due to my own internal thought patterns. I did it through the help of my current therapist, which is my… fourth? therapist that’s attempted to help. The last ones took advantage of how naive I was and hurt me (one of them has been arrested). This therapist, however, invested everything to get me out. He really wanted to see me free. And I am forever grateful for him.
I started seeing this therapist early in 2022 when I was still living with my family. I became severely bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom without my mom or dad escorting me. My anxiety and panic were at an all time high. I was on a leave of absence from work, and this therapist was the only reason I had for HAVING to get out of bed and forcing myself to drive, and most days I couldn’t even do that. He was patient, compassionate, and was willing to go to great lengths to help. Though mostly irrelevant, he’s 45M. He got into school for counseling later in life so when I started seeing him, he was just an intern under the director of the practice. At the time, the director of the practice was seeing an old time friend of mine (who happened to recently become my coworker). My friend had gotten concerned about why I wasn’t showing up to work and why I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to open up to her about it because I couldn’t open up to anyone at the time. However, my friend asked the director of the place if she knew anything about me. The director broke into my therapist’s file under the guise of “he is my intern, I can look at his stuff” and then relayed all of that information to my friend. It became an entire case against the state board and I fought tooth and nail to get that director in trouble. In the end, nothing was done and in retaliation, the director fired my therapist and I had to wait until my therapist found a new job in order to see him (he was pre-graduation by just a few weeks so he couldn’t ethically talk to me until he had another practice). During the worst moments of my life, I was without my therapist (no fault of his, and he checked on me frequently), but it was really only for a few weeks. To me that was a lot since I had been going 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4 because of my situation.
My therapist had gone out of town briefly and came back with a crystal he got. He told me when he purchased it he knew he wanted to give it to someone. And he said that it made him think of me and he wants me to have it. He said he wants it to be a reminder that he cares and others care and that it represents my truth to hold close. Months later, he went on another trip and said he got sage that someone gave him that was super special and he wanted me to have it. He was very invested in making sure I felt like he cares and has my back. I was never into spirituality in the same way as him so I respectfully accepted his kindness but kind of scoffed at him. It became more of a joke.
The director of the previous practice had tried to harass me with a fake number, as well as to my therapist. She wanted to try and get us to drop the case, I guess? When I continued to get texts from fake numbers, my therapist asked me to give him the number that was blowing up my phone. It turns out, timing was absolutely terrible. My brother (who moved out of state) was the one who started harassing me. My parents/brother allowed me to go to therapy to “work on my panic attacks” but they began hating the fact that my therapist was helping me become independent. My brother was outraged and texted me anonymously to kill myself. Because I still thought at the time that it was the director of the place, I went ahead and shared the number with my therapist. And that’s how it all began.
Things got out of hand over the months. My therapist felt extremely protective of me and a “savior complex” kicked in. The reasoning for this is worth noting / important. My therapist lost his sister to suicide when they were young, and he also lost his father shortly after. His sister apparently had also been assaulted and my therapist had mentioned to me before how he views me as a friend, someone to protect, like a sister. He admitted his struggle with transference and said his main and only concern was to get me to move out of my family’s house. To take a leap of faith. He was desperate to do that. He offered to help me get an apartment near him so he could help me out, he offered to babysit my dog for me (my golden retriever is my emotional support animal that my parents have used as a bargaining chip), he offered to see me in therapy 5 times a week if I just moved. I just wasn’t ready. But my brother would not relent.
My therapist still does not know that I know this, but my brother showed me some of the videos my therapist sent him. Three separate threatening videos. In them, my therapist was shirtless with a ski mask on saying he was part of the FBI and that if my brother didn’t behave himself, that he would have his people come after him. My brother said that I was threatening him and that if I didn’t get this man to stop, it would be trouble. My therapist got extremely activated and decided to take it as a challenge.
My therapist also at some points asked my brother “how to assault me” because he wanted to know what my brother did/wanted him to admit it. But if an outsider saw the texts, it would seem like my therapist was asking to participate in assaulting me. It looked HORRIBLY incriminating.
I got the courage one night. Drove my dog over to my therapist’s house and moved in with a friend while I apartment hunted. My therapist was incredibly proud of me and poured so much love and care into my dog. I truly felt hopeful and optimistic and I eventually applied for my own apartment and got approved. Because of severe Stockholm syndrome and lack of knowing how to do ANYTHING, I would end up visiting home (somehow, they allowed that and I did not die!)
Long story short (I am not super comfortable going into this part), people from the temple I was sex trafficked in (linked with my family), showed up and assaulted me at gun point in a van. I told my therapist. He was extremely upset on my behalf and called the police. He told me it was essential that I get restraining orders and that I stop going over to my parents house even if I have Stockholm syndrome. He said he could no longer be patient on that because I was actively being attacked. I told him I was still too nervous to go no contact and I could tell he was frustrated with me.
My brother / someone from the temple decided to start things up once he figured out the person he was texting earlier was in fact my therapist. He threatened my therapist and challenged him to meet up. My brother was bluffing but my therapist took it seriously. My therapist arranged to meet him outside my apartment at 9pm that night. I had a weird gut feeling so I texted my therapist that night and asked him not to do anything stupid, but I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. Without telling me, my therapist sat outside my apartment waiting for my brother (who never showed) to meet him. Why my therapist chose to meet him RIGHT OUTSIDE my new residence was extremely irresponsible.
I went to take my dog out to the bathroom that night and my friend and I were hanging out. She noticed a dark car with someone sitting and staring with a mask on. We walked closer and it was my therapist. I yelled at him because I was so worried he would’ve gotten shot or attacked and that he would get hurt as a result of trying to fight. My therapist apologized and was so embarrassed. He awkwardly said “you weren’t supposed to know about this…” and drove off full force. We hopped in my friends car and followed him to wherever he tried to run off to. He then promised me he would leave. About 20 mins later, my friend and I decide to go out to get food and we see him sitting in another part of my apartment complex still ready to fight. I was so upset that he lied to me multiple times and that he was risking his life. What would’ve happened if he got attacked? But my therapist apologized again and said “I just need to look him in the eye” implying he was ready to kill.
As my therapist had told me, his sister had passed away from suicide when they were young. He admitted to have transference in a way where he viewed me in a sisterly way. For a while, I continually had dreams about his sister and it was very weird. I told him I don’t believe in a lot of things like crystals or burning sage but that these dreams felt incredibly vivid. In the dreams, her sister was assuring me that my therapist was sent in my life to be the brother I couldn’t have. That he was sent to me as a brother, and I to him as a sister.
Just within the span of days after he showed up to my apartment, I was hospitalized due to complications with my liver, and I reached out to my family for help. My therapist was upset with me for interacting with my family at all. My therapist even visited me in the hospital and said that I don’t need to call my family for help and that I have him and my other friends who will have my back. After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked my therapist if I could take my dog back for at least a weekend (he took my dog in while I went to the hospital in order to help me. He said he would hang onto him while I recovered and caught up on rest). So when he gave me my dog for the weekend, out of guilt, I took my dog with me to visit my family. I just felt the need to run back. My dad manipulated me a lot about missing my dog so I felt obligated.
I admitted to my therapist that I had taken my dog to my parents for the weekend (after I already gave him my dog back). My therapist was so upset about it. He had put so much love and time into my dog and helping me, and then I took him back to the hands of my abusers. This is when him pulling back began. He felt like he was doing all of this extraneous stuff for me and I was just taking steps back.
As he got over his frustration a little bit, I became very suicidal to the point where I purchased a rope and planned it out. I made him the beneficiary of my bank accounts as a thank you to him for everything. He told me he would do what he could to help me. He said I could bring my dog back to him if I just need a life break. He didn’t know I had the rope but he knew I was thinking suicide. When I went back to drop my dog off, I admitted I had a rope. I gave it to him. He realized I was genuinely going to kill myself and was so grateful I told him the truth. He told me he would be there for me to help me through it. Showed me grace and compassion and everything.
No warning. No indication. My therapist immediately pulled back. Hard. He told me to call him later that week (I usually have therapy 3x a week but he was out of town), and so I did as he said and called him to update him. He immediately flipped out. “Ugh, I cannot be in anything extra to your therapy space. I am going through things on my own and I need to pull back. I can’t take calls any hour of the day anymore. I can’t take your dog. You don’t even listen to me anyway. You do what you want and go to your parents. So, I don’t know what to say. I am committed to you as your therapist but that’s it. If you feel suicidal outside of that, go to a hospital and get sedated.” I was absolutely crushed and felt so awful and guilty like I did something wrong. I didn’t want to bother him. I didn’t want to lose him. He made me feel loved and cared for (platonically, as a brother) and I felt so safe with him. Until this moment. He was very hung up on the fact that I kept going home to my family despite his efforts.
After calming down he explained how he feels like he needs to step back because his emotions shouldn’t affect my therapy and that he’s doing it to help me. But it felt very selfish. He over exerted himself by showing up to my apartment and sending threatening videos when I never asked for it, all because HE wanted to. And now he pulls back because HE wants to. None of his decisions were based on what I would feel, but what would best serve him.
Because my therapist stepped back so hard, I relapsed and said “screw it” / went back to my parents. I still had my apartment but I backslid majorly.
During this time I was so distraught. This therapist made me feel supported. And no, I didn’t attach onto him in an unhealthy way where he became my only hope. But he did feel like the brother I wished I had, and he felt like such a deep and important part of my life and I was devastated.
I started having dreams again about his sister and I cried. I felt like I was given this gift and then it was taken away.
My therapist began telling me that he thinks I should have additional support in this season especially while he “takes a break from extraneous stuff” with me. He said when he was younger and going through things, he had two therapists.
A week later I told him I found a second therapist and he said: “ummm I don’t know. I feel protective over that. Maybe don’t get a second one. Find a support group but I don’t want you seeing another one.”
I stood my ground and said I might still find one and he said “well then make sure the other one is a woman and is closely in touch with me.”
It felt very wishy washy and he did a lot of similar things like this for a while.
But when I listened to him and decided against a second therapist, he pulled back again. He said he wouldn’t take any more texts or calls outside of session once again and made me feel like an obsessed freak when I wasn’t even really doing much at all. Or asking for anything.
My therapist is a famous author and singesong writer. Online, it’s very easy to find his sister’s name and I did some digging and found out where her grave is located. I was feeling really awful, like I was grieving the loss myself which is so incredibly psychotic. I know. But it more so felt like I was grieving the loss of this brotherly love I once felt from my therapist. But it’s been a couple months at this point and he still refuses to take texts or calls, and is very argumentative and angry in sessions. And I just wanted to take some flowers to the grave in private, not tell him, and just accept that he can’t be what I needed him to be for me.
When I went to the cemetery, the place was huge. So I had to go into the office and ask for the location of his sister’s grave. They gave me a piece of paper with her name and grave location on it and I eventually just threw it in my wallet. My dad stumbled upon my wallet while I was at home one of the days and noticed the last name and asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. They don’t like him for obvious reasons. But I admitted to my parents that I do still see my therapist and that he’s more like family than they’d ever be. They abused me. But I stood in my truth. At the end of the day I will not deny that my therapist DID help me immensely and if that means I have to be abused for the truth, I’ll do it.
He knew that I was hiding something. I told him my family was abusive again but I didn’t say why. He spent an entire session saying he needs to know what happened. I said no multiple times and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He used language like “you have to tell me before you leave my office” and “if you care so much about me you’ll tell me.” He even told me he was going to take my hand and promise me that he won’t react. He held it and looked me in the eye and promised he’d meet me with compassion. I refused. He then asked me if I’ve been lying to him. Deceptive. It broke me and I felt like it was just such an insult. But I stayed strong and he apologized for bothering me about it.
Last week comes around and it feels like such a hindrance. He’s continuing to be short with me and not answer my texts, not taking emergency calls, and just… is continuing to be cold. I even texted him that I was genuinely feeling suicidal and he told me he can’t help me outside of session. Period.
So then after my latest session, I told him I’d text him what happened because I was too uncomfortable to say it. I told him I visited his sister’s grave, about the dreams, everything. I said I felt really hurt at his pullback and how it felt selfish.
He responded by gaslighting me endlessly and it absolutely crushed me furthermore. He responded as follows:
“Ok crystals and dreams? I don’t believe in them. I don’t believe that was my sister. I don’t know how I feel about you visiting her grave. I am not your brother and I can’t be your brother. And yes it was a nice gesture I guess but clearly you are focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s not talk about the weeds and the details. Let’s focus on you.” And completely shut down any further conversation about it.
In the past I have insisted and begged him to process him showing up at my apartment with me because I am still shaken up. He just always says “I never should’ve gotten involved like that but we are NOT going to talk about this ever again” and has always refused to hear how I felt about it.
He went back on vacation this past weekend and refused to take my call when I needed help, refused to text me, or anything. I called off work two days in a row because I was so devastated at his anger toward me and the gaslighting. It felt so unfair. I wanted to talk to him over the weekend because I was genuinely so hurt and felt like I truly lost him. He didn’t care.
I had an appointment in person tonight. First in person one since I told him about everything. I am embarrassed and feel so guilty that I visited his sister’s grave behind his back. It makes me feel psychotic. But at least I was honest and didn’t wait until I got caught / did not gaslight him.
I have a major surgery tomorrow and he won’t help me with my dog. I’ve gone back to my parents for now until I am recovered.
I want to tell him how hurt I am but I have tried that. He never understands. I miss him. As a brother.
I ended up going to session and he asked me why I feel off in therapy. He literally said “other than me slightly having to pull back right now what have I really done?”
I don’t know if I ever can get him to see my side or my pain in this.
Again I know the majority of people will want to come at my therapist or me for doing wrong things. I know it doesn’t seem like this, but he really isn’t intentionally manipulative or gaslight-y, he’s just trying to regulate himself.
I have grace for him. And for myself. So please, please try and respond with compassion. I don’t want to lose him. But I feel like I kind of am.
What are your overall thoughts, in the most gentle way possible? Was I wrong for telling him the truth about the grave?
submitted by 401kind to therapy [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:28 mirageofadream Does the blatant self-hatred and white worship disturb and distract anyone else?

When reading I always have a moment of “wow this is extremely sad and pathetic” during the transmigration moments.
If it was the minority of stories that do this, it probably wouldn’t bother me. However, the fact that the female protag is almost always someone who was originally a POC or had dark coloring and gets killed violently as if that version of themself is irrelevant. The fact that they are so ecstatic to get reborn into a dream, fantasy life in which they’re blonde/silver hair blue/green eyed Caucasian living in a western world. And they are so utterly thrilled and can’t shut up about how beautiful they are now. Not to mention these are marketed as self-insert fantasy.
It’s just… this is such a major elephant in the room. It’s so cringe. The white worship is just so palpable and shameless. I find it impossible to fully ignore tbh. The knowledge of it is always in the back of my mind.
submitted by mirageofadream to OtomeIsekai [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:28 ILikeAClap 41 [M4F] #Chicago
So I’m sure you have probably seen my post sometime in the last few months. I have been searching for my person and have been posting here hoping I might get lucky and find them. So far that hasn’t happened but I’m going to keep on searching. What I’ve learned is the majority of people that respond to my post don’t actually read the post so I’m going to move some things around to hopefully cut down on the amount of messages coming in.
I don’t really have a type. What’s important to me is the connection. I do have a few deal breakers though so I’m putting them at the top so hopefully more people read them before sending me a message. I’m not interested in women with kids regardless of their age. It’s nothing personal, just a preference. I’m also not interested in a long distance relationship. Anything further than 2 hours from Chicago is not realistic for me. Please be at least 30 years old. Any younger than that and it makes me feel creepy. I have a weakness for kind eyes, nice skin/hair and a nice round bottom.
Im not looking for someone who is perfect because I don’t know that perfect exists. We are all on a constant journey of being better versions of ourselves. I do ask that you have some kind of idea what you want from life though.
I really am looking for my person. Someone who will be there for me, who will support me, who encourages growth and grows with me. My best friend, someone that I share everything with and who can excite me with a single morning text. Someone kind, sincere, empathic and genuine. My person. I think deep down we’re all looking for that so let me tell you a little about myself.
Some of my interests include trails, movies (Horror and Marvel mostly), cooking, volunteering, road trips and camping, though I’m total beginner at camping haha. Would really love to get into it more. Really love any activity outdoors to be honest. Though I’m down for days inside too, great to have a balance. Would love to find someone to cook meals fowith. Also, I’m always open to try new things! I would much rather do an activity then do typical drinks/dinner. 420 friendly.
Some more about me since I get a lot of the same questions. Yes, I have a career and support myself. I also own a home and a car. I have a full head of hair, I just wears hats a lot because I started going grey at age 20. I would like to start a family of my own some day if I met the right person, I just don’t want to raise someone else’s kid.
Some of the pros that come with being my person include but are not limited to….
1- I will absolutely support you, encourage you, help you grow and all the things I ask of in a partner + I give good hugs 😊
2- I generate a lot of body heat naturally so if you run cold I’m a great cuddler
3- I give good massages
4- I’ll make sure to tell you how I feel about you daily 😊
5- I make really good BBQ pork tacos
6- I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don’t play games
submitted by ILikeAClap to r4rmidwest [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 AvidTh1nker 27M If you giggle you owe me a [chat]!

Hey y'all, thanks for being here, I want to thank my parents, my friends.. Oh, sorry, I dont know how to start writing those things, so I guess I should start from the beginning? Here i go:
It was a sunny day in 1996, when a sweet young lady had a contraction and... Oh gosh, sorry again. I will fast forward a bit.
Well, as the title says, I am 27, and I'm brazilian. Let me cut the chase and answer the top 3 questions I get all the time.
  1. Yes, we are forced to play soccer from an early age. You need to play at least 1 soccer game every week or else... oh boy, things get messy
  2. Yes, all South Americans learn how to dance at the age of 2, I may have missed a few classes, tho.
3 No, not every brazilian has a big booty, I know you weren't ready for that, I'll give you some minutes to process it, and then we can go on.
Ok, now a bit about me, what do I like? Great question, let's see, I love movies, specially thriller, some of my favorites are Shutter Island, final destination, the pursuit of Happiness, inception and a lot more, we can talk about movies for, like, 30 minutes then I will get bored and change the subject but you got the idea.
I love series too, especially comedy, Friends are my favorite ones, and Ross and Rachel shouldn't end up together. Do you think you can change my mind? Try it, I dare you!
I like to work out and stay active, probably because of all those years forced to play soccer at school, now my body needs it. I have a cute border collie too so if you read all this and thought "omg he is so boring, I can't stand anymore" then just bear with me a little longer and you can see Loki in all his glory once you pm me.
I like to go out with my friends, and play some games together, I own a small collection of boardgames so if you are into that we have something to talk about too, my favorites are single player rpgs but I love playing coop games as well.
If you want to get an idea of what I look like, I'm 5'10 (177cm), brown eyes, and hair, and we can exchange pictures at any time.
You read this far? OMG, ME TOO! Send me a chat request, and let's see how it goes. Just behave yourself cause I am legally allowed to handcuff you.
See you soon! :)
submitted by AvidTh1nker to MeetPeople [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 One_Science8349 I’ve Been Adopted

I’ve Been Adopted
I’ve moved into my construction jobsite office and this jumping spider decided to show herself when she jumped on my admin. She was nearly murdered but I managed to keep my panicked admin from killing her.
She was pretty elusive for the next few days following her near death experience but after the long weekend I arrived to find her clinging to my whiteboard looking a bit worn out. I relocated her to the windows ledge, where I have a steady supply of bugs, some plants, and various tchotchkes to give her plenty of hidey holes.
I think she’s a royal jumping spider. She about the size of a quarter and had those beautiful blue hairs. She brings me, the consummate arachnophobe, great joy and I’m curious what else I can provide her to make her as comfortable as possible. Also, am I right, is she a royal? Location - S Central FL.
submitted by One_Science8349 to jumpingspiders [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 westcoastlifestyle42 M19 American [friendship] [relationship]

Hi my name is Michael, but I go by Mike. I am a 19 year old American double majoring in college. I’m in decent shape and have blonde hair. I love meeting new people and learning differnt cultures. So if you are international that is a big plus. But i’m willing to talk to anyone. I enjoy Video games, sports, working out, music(i’m learning the guitar), traveling, and nature. I’m new to reddit so this is all brand new for me but feel free to say hi. All I ask is you start your message with a little intro about who you are, where you’re from and what your interests are and a little about yourself.
submitted by westcoastlifestyle42 to MeetPeople [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 Famof4plus1 For kicking out my son's girlfriend for being dirty.

Ok, we have heard all the daughte mother in law fights. And so, hold on to your seats, here goes mine. this one is going to be a bit long. I 43F have 2 sons. 25M and 15M My oldest let call him Sant. got into a relationship "Sue" 24F. Sue has a 6yo daughter. When I first met them they were both shy. But my husband 46M "tim" and I got super close to this little girl. It wasn't hard to get attached to her so quickly since she's absolutely adorable. And love her as our own granddaughter. My son's girlfriend in the other hand is a whole different story. Like I said in the beginning she was super shy. We tried to get close to her especially since we always wanted a daughter and weren't blessed with one so I figured I'll give it go with her. We only had 1 thing in common (makeup). But yet it just wasn't enough for her to hang out , talk, or have a full conversation with us. We tried, but was ignored over and over with her head down on her phone. Or responded with quick answers just to walk away after. About 1 year into their relationship they moved in together here in my home. Plan was they where suppose to save up to get married and buy a house. Yes they were to pay a small fee of rent here and help out with groceries. And help out with chores. 3 months into them living with us their fighting got out of control! I'm talking yelling on top of their lungs to each other! Pushing shoving, screaming and insults. We talked and pleaded with them to stop for the the baby's sake. Since she was clearly terrified with all that. but with in 1 year she moved in and out of my home 3 times. Until she finally left. (So i thought) Few months of her being gone. Her family kicked her out. And had no support from her family. Of coarse we thought of the baby. So we asked them to try it again here in out home. Thinking 100% for the babys sake. Now you may be asking ok, so why was she kicked out of my home? Well, I can't remember once Sue picking up her plate after she ate. Not once have I ever seen her holding a broom duster or a mop. My son's room turned into a complete dungeon. You couldn't even see the floor! It was smelly and dirty all the time. And no matter how many times I would ask them to help out and atleast clean the room I was ignored. Rent stop coming in no help financially or domestic was coming in. Like none At all. My son was the only one who cooked clean to care of her daughter. Yes fed her babysat her while she went out with friends. He was literally a single parent to her. She goes out comes home the next day and my son stays with her daughter. My mistake was me hiding this from my husband that time she would come back home. Until he saw her come home one night she went out and she came home the next day at 6-7am. He was Angry!! And brought it up to her. She said sorry. But nothing changed. Point here she's so dirty. Shes super irresponsible. When she showers she leaves hair all over the place.her stuff all over the bathroom sink. She leaves Tissue with her snot everywhere. Her clothes clean and dirty always mixed on the floor. In my culture we are taught at a very young age we should always have everything nice and tightly. Laziness is a big No. No. So after 3 almost 4 years of all this. AITA for kicking them out?
submitted by Famof4plus1 to AITAH [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 ILikeAClap 41 [M4F] #Chicago
So I’m sure you have probably seen my post sometime in the last few months. I have been searching for my person and have been posting here hoping I might get lucky and find them. So far that hasn’t happened but I’m going to keep on searching. What I’ve learned is the majority of people that respond to my post don’t actually read the post so I’m going to move some things around to hopefully cut down on the amount of messages coming in.
I don’t really have a type. What’s important to me is the connection. I do have a few deal breakers though so I’m putting them at the top so hopefully more people read them before sending me a message. I’m not interested in women with kids regardless of their age. It’s nothing personal, just a preference. I’m also not interested in a long distance relationship. Anything further than 2 hours from Chicago is not realistic for me. Please be at least 30 years old. Any younger than that and it makes me feel creepy. I have a weakness for kind eyes, nice skin/hair and a nice round bottom.
Im not looking for someone who is perfect because I don’t know that perfect exists. We are all on a constant journey of being better versions of ourselves. I do ask that you have some kind of idea what you want from life though.
I really am looking for my person. Someone who will be there for me, who will support me, who encourages growth and grows with me. My best friend, someone that I share everything with and who can excite me with a single morning text. Someone kind, sincere, empathic and genuine. My person. I think deep down we’re all looking for that so let me tell you a little about myself.
Some of my interests include trails, movies (Horror and Marvel mostly), cooking, volunteering, road trips and camping, though I’m total beginner at camping haha. Would really love to get into it more. Really love any activity outdoors to be honest. Though I’m down for days inside too, great to have a balance. Would love to find someone to cook meals fowith. Also, I’m always open to try new things! I would much rather do an activity then do typical drinks/dinner. 420 friendly.
Some more about me since I get a lot of the same questions. Yes, I have a career and support myself. I also own a home and a car. I have a full head of hair, I just wears hats a lot because I started going grey at age 20. I would like to start a family of my own some day if I met the right person, I just don’t want to raise someone else’s kid.
Some of the pros that come with being my person include but are not limited to….
1- I will absolutely support you, encourage you, help you grow and all the things I ask of in a partner + I give good hugs 😊
2- I generate a lot of body heat naturally so if you run cold I’m a great cuddler
3- I give good massages
4- I’ll make sure to tell you how I feel about you daily 😊
5- I make really good BBQ pork tacos
6- I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don’t play games
submitted by ILikeAClap to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:27 inthetreefort Guide: How to use Cisco 8800 Phones with Dialpad Voip Service (8841/8861..) 3pcc phones

Intro This is a guide for how to use Cisco 8800 series 3pcc/sip phones with Dialpad, based on my own experimentation. So far it's pretty stable, no issues making or receiving calls etc. This is not necessarily a scalable approach since there's no provisioning server and you have to go into each phone's web UI to configure, but someone who is more familiar with cisco cfg files probably could make a configuration out of this.
Known Limitations * Voicemail indicator light won't work * I haven't tried to get shared/bridged lines (aka dialpad executive assistant) working but I am doubtful
Part 1: Getting SIP credentials
  1. Go to dialpad admin site > Admin Settings > make sure company/office name is selected in top left dropdown > Office section of nav > Desk Phones
  2. Add a user phone > See more options > Other polycom phones
  3. Give the phone a name and user
  4. Select "The device screen does NOT display Dialpad Activate"
  5. Select Next at the firmware requirements warning
  6. Select "Older Polycom phone? You may need SIP Instructions."
  7. On the SIP credentials screen, select "Need a shorter username" to shorten the username
  8. Copy down the details shown somewhere secure.
Part 2: Configure your phone
This assumes your phone already has sip/3pcc firmware. Not running 3pcc/sip firmware? See instructions at and use the simpler "Cloud Upgrader" if you can.
I recommend MPP firmware version 12.0.2
  1. Factory reset your phone by pressing the Gear button > Device Administration > Factory Reset
  2. Navigate to the web UI of your phone by typing it's ip address in your browser
  3. Switch to Admin mode, then Advanced mode, in the top right corner. You must first change to Admin, then to Advanced.
  4. Navigate to Voice > SIP tab, and set NAT Keep Alive Intvl = 25
  5. Navigate to Voice > Provisioning tab, and set the following:
6. Go to Voice > Regional tab, and clear the "Secure Call Indication Tone" field to be blank. Otherwise you'll hear annoying double beeps for the first minute of every call.
7. Go to Voice > Ext 1 tab and set the following:
8. Navigate to Voice > Phone tab and set the following:
All done! When you save all of the above your phone should be working! Make some test calls and DM me if this was helpful/you want to buy me a coffee or need help with something.
submitted by inthetreefort to VOIP [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 DraftWorth1883 Pick me’s in the Army !!

What’s the most pick me hot take you’ve heard in the army?
I heard from a female soldier (not in my unit OR mos) that females in combat mos’s should be FORCED to have the same male haircut standards because it’s their field and there aren’t many female ncos so it would be easier for male ncos to correct if we’re outta regs….also that it’s not fair to men….so EVERYONE should shave their head….but only if combat arms support mos can keep their hair…
submitted by DraftWorth1883 to army [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 yurinnernerd [Online] [4e] ORCUS MUST DIE - A 4e D&D Adventure of Epic Proportions! 21+

*** The Shadows of Evil are Stirring***
Near the sleepy town of Winterhaven, a ruined keep overlooks a dormant gateway to the otherworldly realm known as the Shadowfell. Though this dark scar on the world has lain dormant for many years, an evil cleric of Orcus, Demon Prince of Undead, seeks to reopen the gate. The only thing preventing the forces of darkness from sweeping across the land is a determined band of heroes. . . .
This is the beginning of an epic adventure that will take you from level 1 to level 30. The Forgotten Realms is where our tale begins, a place of magic and mystery. You will need to gather a group of heroes to aid you in your quest to defeat evil incarnate. But first you must delve into the mysteries of the Shadowfell and bring light to this dark realm of death and decay.
This is a 4e D&D campaign. We'll use OwlBear Rodeo for VTT and discord for voice and video (optional). You will need a stable internet connection, working microphone, and be able install and use the 4e D&D Character Builder (provided to you). Game nights are TBD but will likely be Friday night after 7pm, Saturday afternoon or night after 7pm, or Sunday afternoon. All times will be EST (GMT-4).
As far as players this is what I'm looking for:
1-2 players (Someone had to leave to take care of personal issues).
Reliable - Our hobby requires time and attendance. Everyone misses a game or two. If you no-show twice I'll assume you're not interested and end our gaming relationship.
Ready to Play - Don't spend game nights leveling your character. You'll have plenty time in between sessions to level, buy equipment, and craft items (magic or mundane).
Engaged - TTRPGs are a community endeavor and your presence is needed to make the game better for everyone, including me. If you're having trouble staying focused let me know we'll figure something out.
Fun! - Let's have fun creating some memorable and epic stories. If we're not having fun what's the point?
If you're interested I'll send you a quick Player Questionnaire to complete. After that we'll jump on Discord to talk briefly and see how it goes.
Thanks for getting this far and I hope to hear from you soon.
submitted by yurinnernerd to lfg [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 CorporalClegg How can I go about finding the best airline reward program/elite status for specific routine flights?

I want to find the best airline to stick with for specific flights I will be taking every 3 weeks. What all should I be looking at to try and maximize my flight upgrades? This will primarily be between Indianapolis, IN and Anchorage, AK.
Previously I've had Delta Platinum (their second highest tier) flying between Tennessee and Alaska. I was getting first class upgrades less than 20% of the time. I figured being close to Atlanta I had more competition with Delta frequent flyers so I did a status transfer to Alaska Airlines which got me MVP Gold 75k (their highest tier at the time). I can't remember a time when I didn't get first class upgrades.
Has anyone else found that being near a major hub of your preferred airline got you less upgrades? Unless you were their top tier of their elite program?
submitted by CorporalClegg to travel [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 PDM420 Things my father used to do to me (WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF ABUSE / FOUL LANGUAGE)

I can literally give 100 examples of abuse / dysfunction but I can't be bothered to recall all of them. I just need reassurance that this is not normal. These are not necessarily the worst, just the ones I recall from the top of my mind:
1) There was this one time, I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, he picked me up at school and drove me around to. He would ask me to identify the trees and each time I go it wrong I was slapped hard.
DAD: "What's that tree called?"
EIGHT YEAR OLD ME: "A pine tree?"
"What's that tree?"
"Hmm... an oak?"
This went on for a few hours. I remember it was night time when we got home. The worst part is he made lose an episode of Dragon Ball.
2) There was this one time, I was maybe 6 or 7 years old, I got out of school at 3PM and instead of going straight to my grandmother's house a few feet away, I went to a classmate's house to play in his backyard, which was literally 15 seconds from my grandma's house. At around 5 or 6PM my distraught grandma found me at my classmate's backyard playing soccer. When she told my father, instead of him telling me "Your grandmother was worried sick. Never do that again. If you want to go to your friend's house you have to tell her first so she knows where you are." He could have told me that but instead he chose to beat the living shit out of me. Kicks, belts, slippers, screams, tears, rage, cowering under the bed, etc, which bring me to my next memory...
3) My father used to do this thing where he would beat the shit out of me and then he'd get tired because he's always been out of shape. So he would sit in the couch while I was cowering away in some corner, bawling my eyes out, hardly being able to breathe. He would say "Come here that I won't beat you". And in my mind I'd be like "Nah, that's a trap". And he'd insist "Really, come here, father won't beat you this time". And because any kid craves his father's affection and security, I'd slowly start walking towards him and when I was in reach he would slap the fucking shit out me. Like you would slap an adult who just spat in your face or . Of course all I did was being a stupid kid and thinking I can use toothpaste as hair gel or something. I remember there was also a time I got the shit kicked out me for putting bubblegum in my hair. Not only they had to shave my hair, they also had to beat the shit out of me.
4) There was this one time, I was maybe 4 or 5, I was taking a bath with my older brother and he walked in the bathroom yelling about some shit and he started whipping us with a belt. Like, straight up whipping my bare bottoms with a belt. I had no idea what was happening but I remember my brother cowering behind the toilet seat and my mother on her knees saying "Please no more! No more!"
4) I have these weird flashbacks where my dad used to beat up my mom when I was 2 or 3 years old (my older brother confirms it happened) and at some point my mother realized she could avoid a beating if she focused her husband's attention on me. I remember her face all twisted with rage and hatred as she told my father "Get him! Get him!" as he hit me for being "a piece of shit who will never amount to anything".
5) He would start yelling the words "Worthless son" and repeat that for what felt like forever when he was mad at me (or mad at something and taking it out on me).
6) When I was twelve I put an earring and took it off the same day. When I told my mother the drama queen told me the hole will never heal and that I ruined my life (that was common theme) and my father did the best he could: he slapped me no less that fifty times in the face.
7) My father has slapped me at least 250 times in my first 13 years of life but who's counting?
8) This one time I was home from school and I waiting to watch a new Dragonball episode. My father came home and said "Come! I have a surprise" and I was like "But Dragonball is about to start" and he yelled "COME WITH ME! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU ACT?". So I got up and we got into the car. He drove to a school where there was going to be a clown show. And my father was like "See? A clown show" and I was like, not showing any emotion because fuck this shit I wanna go home and watch dragonball. but I also don't want to upset my father so I said nothing. So we came inside, watched the clown show. It sucked. I fucking hate clowns. I respect those who like them, I just think it's . Then on the way home I was quiet and almost in tears because it was the episode where Goku turned into a Super Sayan for the first time and I feel like a piece of childhood was robbed from me. My father asked "So, did you like it?" and I shrugged my shoulders and my father berated me the rest of the way home for not appreciating him.
9) He goes through my shit. He doesn't believe in privacy. "You want privacy? Get a job!". Dude... what?! Well, now I got a job and I still got not privacy so... He just walks in my room and starts opening drawers and reading my notes and dossiers. Receipts, bank account info and so on. Needless to say, I could never have a diary. Now I lock my door. They used to get inside my room using a spare key I knew not about. They are sneaky like that.....
10) This one time, I was maybe 6 or 7, I got into a fight at school. I was protecting myself and ended being beaten but I was feeling good because I stood up for myself. When I got home, my father beat me up. "This is not how we raised you!" It was the first time I made an association between the bully and my father. The same feeling of injustice and indignation arose. Except of course you can't beat up your father. That would be wrong. Only your father should be able to beat you, a tiny defenseless scared little boy.
11) My father turned me into a submissive bitch made boy. Trauma bond was effective. I didn't love him but I kinda hoped for his approval up until a point? Anyway, any bully knew I was soft and an easy target for mockery. They would drop my pants and call me names. Then in 7th grade I started listening to heavy metal and started rebelling. I was ready to stand my ground, ready for everything. I went really fucking crazy on the whole "troubled teenage years" thing. In reality I was a scared little puppy, showing my teeth so the bad wolves stay at bay. You know what? It fucking worked. But there were a few times I had to prove my worth. I fought, I drank, I did ALL THE DRUGS ON PLANET EARTH...
12) My father would always say "Your friend won't be there for you when you need them, family is all you have". I had few close friends, needless to say. I still don't trust anyone. I believe most people are like that "Family above everything". Except they had great families and I kinda understand the sentiment. In my extended family everyone hated each other. Not hate hate, more like... holy fuck! What is this? What's all this... yuck... this silence? These unresolved issues?
Oh, and you know what the best part is?
At least according my gaslighting parents. If it weren't for my older brother I would have by now convinced myself I was experiencing false memories, maybe these were nightmares I had as a kid... but no... shit really happened...
Of course I became a 36 year old failure to lauch stoner who still lives with his abuser / parents because I have no drive for anything and quite frankly I'm addicted to weed and I can get it cheap and it's a way for me not to dwell on things. Plus, I live at their expenses like... yeah, my father thinks I like him because he pays for my gas. He has no idea how quickly and comfortable I would be not speaking to him ever again in my life.
I lived away from them for 6 years. First two years I spoke with them like twice a month. It was so peaceful. My mental health is declining since I moved back home a year ago (long story). All these flashbacks. All this pent up rage. All these unsaid words. And of course you can't say anything because my father is a narcissistic cry baby who takes any criticism as a personal attack and I'm sick of his presence being a trigger. And my mother is always ready to defend me and attack him. "There you go, talking about that shit again! Your father loves you!"
You know what, mom? Love is not enough. Lots of abusive husbands love their wives, lots of abusive mothers love their kids... it's not the intention that counts, you morons. You can't be like "But I love you" and expect everything to be okay. ARGHH!!!!! WHY GOD??? I DON'T EVEN HATE MY FAMILY, I JUST CAN'T STAND MY FATHER!
Why must a six year old wish his mother would divorce his father? Why would a six year old wish his father died? It's not normal!
The silence around these issues is deafening. What if it were sexual abuse? Would it be my fault as well? For wearing panties around my father? "You know how that makes him feel". I'm not joking. Sometimes I wonder...
I really want to go no contact but how the fuck do you even start... I just want some boundaries. Don't speak to me. Fuck off. Get out of my life. You ruined me. I hate you. I hate you both really! FUCK OFF!!!
submitted by PDM420 to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 gtothelens Feeling discouraged

Last year I found out I have a gluten intolerance (not celiac). I cut gluten nearly a year ago with the exception of eating it on a trip to Italy and when I was at a potluck and wasn’t careful. After I cut gluten lots of my symptoms subsided. I was feeling better but not 100% because of other gut issues I’m working on. Well fast forward to a new gut test. My results were discouraging!! My gluten reactivity number went from 209 (last year) to 234. Somehow it’s managed to get worse!!! Has anyone else experienced this? I’m guessing I am getting cross contamination from either eating out (which is minimal), crumbs from shared toaster oven, or am actively consuming something I don’t know has gluten or wheat in it. Has anyone else experienced this?? Seeing the numbers makes me want to just eat gluten because this has been a lot of work.
submitted by gtothelens to glutenfree [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 02:26 blackmakaw My Sleep score data, vs my activity score

My Sleep score data, vs my activity score
Looking for feedback on my sleep scores.
I've been having trouble getting high scores in my sleep. Despite going to bed early and trying different supplements, it's nearly impossible for me to achieve a solid 8 hours. I usually wake up naturally after around 6 to 7 hours. Thankfully, 4 out of 5 mornings I wake up feeling pretty good and ready to tackle the day.
Yes, ideally I should stop eating three hours before bed, but unfortunately, that's not feasible for me. I usually get home from work and the gym around 6:30 PM, and I go to sleep around 9 PM. Any suggestions considering this schedule?
submitted by blackmakaw to ouraring [link] [comments]