Can leopard geckos eat blueberries

All things leopard geckos!

2011.06.30 05:53 romanjetfighter All things leopard geckos!

A subreddit dedicated to love of leopard geckos. If you're interested in owning leopard geckos or want to better your care, you should check out our guides or our discord server,

2010.05.20 04:04 rgarment geckos galore

Pictures of geckos, advice for care, requests for information about geckos, and more.

2015.04.14 04:16 baseballfanatic2 Leopard Gecko Talk

Leopard Gecko Talk is a community for leopard gecko keepers to collaborate with one another to talk about the care and keeping of leopard geckos. Weekly posts will be made here to help keepers of leopard geckos with their pet gecko. Feel free to share anything else you find useful relating to the nano reef.

2023.05.31 01:49 maldroite Asking for accomodations at work?

I just started a new job and it’s pretty good, except for the fact that multiple coworkers make sounds that I find absolutely intolerable.
I know misophonia isn’t logical, but I was able to work at my old job for 10 months and can’t think of a single noise in the office that bothered me. Five weeks into this job I’m almost in tears daily.
We’ve got a communal chewing gum collection (I know) and the two guys that sit by me chew it CONSTANTLY. one of them is a throat clearer too, along with another coworker, and the other one picks up and slams down his mouse every time he moves it, and types aggressively.
Lunchtime is super stressful as we’ve got a culturally diverse office, with lots of slurping/lip smacking. That’s fine, but Im feeling physically ill when I hear it. There is nowhere else to sit and eat so I try to finish my food quickly and then sit in a meeting room for the rest of my break.
We have a quiet room to take meetings and I’ve been using it for hours a day but I can tell my coworkers are thinking it’s really strange and antisocial.
When I try to push through and sit with the noise, my coworkers chat to me and ask me questions and I feel like I’m going to rip their heads off because it’s another sound added to the cacophony. Our supplied headphones are noise cancelling but don’t block it out.
SO my question is: has anyone asked to move desks, or asked to use a quiet room semi-permanently? Have you provided any documentation about your misophonia ? It’s at the point where I’m thinking about quitting a month in because I’m so distressed.
submitted by maldroite to misophonia [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:48 born_to_be_naked Feelings i can only express by a poem

She shows her friendly family nature, it made you melt, Maintains an arm distance, but always asked your help.
Says you are a good friend, but don't do much for fun, She chooses to depend, because you are a reliable one.
You feel bad like is your worth just for things and work, But you choose to be silent as you are a dutiful dork.
Your heart wants her safety, and offers her anything, There was no reliable male figure, so you do everything.
Money, property, finance, essentials - she hands her trust, You take care of everything, you feel the need to and must.
Silently you help her in things, but you struggle with yours, You feel alone, yet don't burden her that your heart pours.
She wished you valentine's, you give her your everything, Your made her a priority you left out nothing
Life changes and you hope she remains a friend & stays, But come back to see she packed her bags & part ways.
Till 2021 things seemed fine as you looked after her things. For a gap of one year, no longer she was as you think.
She forgets all the jokes, memories and times you share, Moves on with her life, leaves all affection aside and care.
How people can take advantage, at times she had no clue. You warned her to not trust, and that turned out true.
The efforts to safeguard & protect are dismissed by her, After she couldn't trust her own and her mom's brother.
You see that nobody takes advantage when she had no one, Says you've come out of the blue, after all shared & done.
You were a well wisher, with no expectations as a friend, She forgets how you cared, removed it all from her head.
Stood by her in everything, but didn't let you have a voice, Try to ask her anything, blocking is her weapon of choice
You expected a friend for life, she decided to move on, She chose to not discuss first or, express any emotion.
She's ignoring you hurt inside and even though you cry, No words can change her heart, useless to even try.
After saying nobody has done as much, you don't matter, To cutting you out, like a piece of trash in the gutter.
If situation reversed, theres nothing you wouldn't do for her, Life has showered her with others, no longer needs your offer.
She never understood, you wanted a lady wanting you back. Nothing out of force, never as an option, you wanted no hack.
It's hard to accept how something warm can turn so cold, Pains to think the trust bond we built didn't last till we're old.
All others were welcoming and ready to understand, She didn't need you anymore, so let go of your hand.
You look back and realise, she didn't care how you were, Never offered any time, but you were always there for her.
Care you offered no had expiry, was for lifetime and long, If she can't value that trust & loyalty, then loss is her own.
Shes now someone else's, around another guys arms, It hurts to see, but you wish her lifetime of warmth
Why did things come to this point, you have no clarity, You asked each other to eat on time, now meeting is like charity.
When people use & throw, mistrust & regret may follow her, Someday she may look back and see the friend you were.
You want her happiness always, hope she has a family life soon, You're not in her life anymore, still wish she goes to the moon.
Success and others attention have played their part, which hurts, Nobody owes anyone anything in this world, that's how life works.
submitted by born_to_be_naked to heartbreak [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:48 panickingconfusion Bottomless pit

Thanky you goodnight
submitted by panickingconfusion to StonerThoughts [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:47 iandmemyself I (26F) have been seeing a guy (26M) with admitted attachment/commitment issues, who now says he wants to get better for me and has started going to therapy

TLDR question: At what point do you try to make it work and help someone who is actively working to change, or do people generally not change and the same problems keep arising?
Full context: I’ve been seeing my situationship since January (thought we had been getting to know each other since November). We started out as friends first in the same friend group before things escalated.
It had been casual from the beginning and that was an agreed upon premise. By March things had started to progress and we were spending a lot more time together (3/4 nights a week, weekend getaway, meeting each other’s friends, etc.). At this point I broached the topic of moving things from casual to a little more serious - he was very honest and stated that wasn’t what he was looking for at this point in his life (the usual excuses - “we’re so young”, “I might be moving soon”, etc etc). All in all he shared that he didn’t feel ready and also didn’t know if he would ever be ready - he likes me, he likes what we have, but didn’t know if it would ever progress. I took about a week to think over if this was a situation I was ok with staying in knowing this information, and came to the conclusion I was given where I’m at in life as well. No part of me was thinking this would ever change or he might change his mind - in general, I think people tell/show you who they are and you just have to listen to them. I’m not at a point in my life where I’m down to chase anyone or try to pigeonhole someone into a relationship who doesn’t want to be in one.
Fast-forward to about 2 weeks ago. We had been continuing to spend lots of time together over the last 2 months but still in this casual, undefined way (though we were sexually exclusive). He finally sits down with me and shares that the relationship is starting to get to a point that is stressing him out and he feels we need to end things. As he had said previously that he knew things wouldn’t progress, I was very receptive of this news and respected his decision 100%, even encouraging him that it was time to go explore new horizons. Since he hadn’t been meeting my needs for a full-blown relationship, it didn’t sting too much for me. We left it at that and said our goodbyes, but knowing we’re in the same friend group we’d be seeing each other around.
Within 4 days he had started trying to text me as if nothing had happened - wanting to hang out, wanting to plan travel together, etc. I could tell he was feeling confused but politely shut things down every time he messaged (I’m a no-contact girl during break ups).
We had a full friend group trip together coming up for MDW and knowing that he had been texting me like he was regretting his decision, I asked that we have a sit down convo about setting boundaries in advance of the trip and to explain that since he broke up with me he has no right to be texting me and that I needed a no contact time to move past the situationship and open myself up to new things.
He shared that he was feeling pretty emotionally torn after ending things with me and had been regretting his decision. He opened up about believing it was stemming from deeper rooted attachment issues he had as he had seen this pattern play out whenever he had started getting close to partners in the past. I was very firm in telling him that I had no interest in continuing the way things had been, that I wanted no contact, and that if he truly felt like he was experiencing some larger issue that he should begin going to therapy to dig into it (he had never been). He can’t expect to have his cake and eat it too - if he wanted to end things, I believe him and wasn’t going to continue to give him my attention when I knew I deserve more.
Now over our group trip, he opened up and was vulnerable a few more times. On night 1 he shared he had been feeling anxious when my friends and I started discussing our dating lives. On the second day, he told me that being around me was making him feel anxious because he was feeling he made the wrong decision, and that he had scheduled his first ever therapy session for this coming Thursday. On our final night he fumbled through a very deep apology for bringing his own baggage into our relationship, but that he would apologize again when he strengthens his communication and emotional vulnerability skills in therapy.
All of those openness and vulnerability took me a bit by surprise. As the trip came to an end, I thanked him for his candor but still stayed firm on not wanting to explore our relationship any further until he worked on himself independently first. He was receptive to this and we left it at that.
I’m feeling very torn on what to think. I’ve always been more of the opinion that people don’t really change and you should take people at face value for who they tell/show you they are… but I’ve never been in such a communicative situation where someone has expressed actively wanting to work through his own fears in order to be more open to the relationship. The super cynical part of me is even suspicious that this is just a ploy to have me back in the situationship territory but ultimately continue to never give full relationship-level effort (though it doesn’t feel like that).
Has anyone ever encountered situations like this before? Have you ever had luck with a romantic partner who wanted to change for you - especially when it comes to fear of commitment/attachment? I would love any advice or shared experiences.
submitted by iandmemyself to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:47 emorymom Pot size for dwarf

I can’t seem to get a good answer for what the best pot size is for dwarfs like Little Miss Figgy or Fignomenal.
Everything says 24” across, but Fignomenal is a much much smaller tree than Little Miss Figgy.
Can anyone share insight? Are the article writers just defaulting to the size of a barrel no matter what the size of the tree? I end up with similar results for my blueberry plants, everything says 24”, when Pink Lemonade and Top Hat are radically different size plants.
submitted by emorymom to Figs [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:46 Liam_DM Advice For Fixing 5e

As has been proved on DnD subreddits time and time again, (not quite so much this one, but another that doesn't allow this kind of post,) DnD is broken in 5 key areas and it seems like WotC have no interest in actually fixing them, or at least when they do they make a pig's ear of it. Let's break it down.

1. Spells
Spells are massively overpowered, not only do they break the mechanics of the game, they destroy the immersion and fun for everyone. Are we really supposed to believe that by studying some books a wizard can shoot a ball of fire dealing a massive amount of damage? Or that the presence of a doofus with a lute can suddenly make everyone a bit better at their skill checks allowing them to pass? Even cantrips like mage hand, which, if you can first get over the ridiculousness of a spectral floating hand, allow characters to bypass trapped doors by using it to open them at a distance, making all the time you spent setting up that trapped door utterly pointless. And as for Druidcraft, don't get me started.
2. Items
If I had a penny for every time I presented my players with a problem and some wise ass went "oh, I have an item that will sort that out," I'd be a rich man. Each character gets an absurd number of items straight of the bat when they're created (pitons come in sets of 10?! How are they even carrying them all?), then the problem is exacerbated by the fact that players have become conditioned to expect to receive more and more items as the campaign progresses. Weapons, potions, artifacts - it all adds up. They end up combining them in weird ways that are impossible to account for during prep, with the result being that they breeze through problems and no one has any fun. And that's before we start getting into magic items, and magic, as we've already established, is massively OP.
3. Classes
The classes are all, without exception, unbalanced and game-breaking. A 3rd level fighter, with all its actions, bonus actions, weapons, and abilities, can do so much damage in a single round of combat that it pulls the spotlight away from all the other characters. On top of that, players often powerbuild them to have a high AC so you end up having to tailor combat to that specific player and try and hit them a crazy amount of times if you want to actually kill them. And that's just one example before we start getting into things like clerics who just step in and negate all the damage you've done by healing everyone, or sorcerers who cast spells, which as we've already established, are massively OP.
4. The Core Rules
All of the core rules are a problem, especially leveling up, but that would take too long so I'll just use resting as one example. Short rests give the party time to heal with hit dice like the cleric wasn't a problem enough already, but it's when you start getting into the long rests that everything falls apart. A good night's sleep and suddenly all the grevious battle wounds from yesterday have disappeared? Give me a break. Sure you can homebrew a solution such as if a character gets wounded in battle they have to succeed the next morning on a DC25 CON save or else the wound gets infected by a magic resistant strain of staphylococcus aureus and they die in 1d4 days, but expand this out to every core mechanic and you've soon got chaos.
5. Players
This one doesn't get talked about enough but the biggest problem with DnD is that it relies on other people, and other people are garbage. You have to invite them into your home to eat your snacks and wear out your furniture, or at the very least if you're playing online, have to look at their stupid faces and listen to their incessant babbling while they destroy all the hard work you put into creating your perfect fantasy world. Sure there might be some decent people out there, I hear Keanu Reeves does good things, but chances are you're sharing a table with a collection of dumpster fires and unlikely to have a good time. I'm yet to find anyone who has put forward a workable homebrew solution to this problem.

So what can we do?
Well until WotC pull their finger out we're forced to try and come up with solutions ourselves and I have a few recommendations.
1. Ban everything.
As the DM you have the power to ban problem features at your table, and I recommend starting with all magic, classes, and items. This will tend to ground your world a bit making it a lot more manageable. I'm currently DMing a campaign in its 2nd year in a homebrew world where the party got a loan to open up a small B&B which has finally become profitable after some positive word of mouth spread around the region. As a DM, seeing the look of joy on the party's accountant player was priceless. We're also wrapping up a character arc where the wild one of the group (who would definitely have been a murderhobo in any other setting) has matured a bit and is ready to commit to their partner and start a family.
2. Ignore all of the rules.
We all know that once you follow one, players start expecting you to follow them all so the best way is to scrap them all in session 0 to keep things simple. People love to roll dice so I still ask for a d20 roll every now and then but it's never connected to anything happening in the story. They still have fun trying to guess what number it will land on.
3. Get rid of the players.
This might seem extreme for a game like DnD but hear me out. As a DM, do you really need them in the world you've created? If the party never shows up, the NPCs will be forced to learn self-reliance to solve their problems and probably even come out stronger for it in the end. No matter how dire the threat, nothing lasts forever and things will probably work themselves out eventually. Meanwhile, as DM you've saved yourself a bunch of hassle trying to deal with unknown factors messing up all your hard work.

This isn't a definitive list of problems and solutions but I hope it helps someone fix some of the problems they might be having in their games. If anyone else has anything that might help with problems they've identified, I'd love to hear about them.
submitted by Liam_DM to DnD [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:45 sheisacat i’m finding it severely difficult to carry on

i’m 26. i live with my mum and my cat. i’m neurodivergent, mentally ill and physically disabled which makes life extremely difficult for me. i can’t work. i don’t have any friends at all. i’ve struggled with addiction my entire life and recently my eating disorder has gotten really bad again. i do see a psychiatrist and i’m in therapy for addiction but to be honest they’re not helping anymore. my meds aren’t doing much for me anymore either. i’m severely lonely and there’s nothing i can do about it. i’ve tried everything to make friends. i’m sick of being stuck in this house with nothing to do. all i do is rot in bed all day. i just want to be happy but i don’t think i ever will be. i can’t seem to catch a break.
submitted by sheisacat to depression [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:45 Ahkhira Replacement Camper Search- need suggestions.

My ancient truck and trailer are finally done. It's just too much to fix in repair and water leaks.
I need a new, small trailer for weekend fishing trips. We will be boondocking. I'm having a very hard time finding a new trailer that fits the bill.
We need to sleep 3 adults. Bunks are ok. We NEED a separate shower. No wet baths. Yuck. We need a 3-way fridge. We would prefer a stove/oven combination, as we use the oven often. We prefer no slide outs. Must be half ton towable.
Why could I get all of this in my 1985 Sunline and I can't find it in a modern camper? I'm so frustrated. If I find something with a shower, it has no oven! I'm really having a hard time here.
I need a camper for 3 people to weekend boondock in, where we can ALL shower, cook, eat, and sleep between boat trips. We do have access to nearby dump and water facilities, but there are none on site. Bonus points for whomever can tell me how to use solar power to decrease reliance on the generator.
My dad, my best friend, and I love going on party boat fishing trips all over New England. We like to get to the docks after work on Friday and catch an early boat on Saturday. We'll fish all day, come back filthy and stinky, clean up, shower, cook fish, have some beers, and catch some sleep before doing it again on Sunday. On Sunday, we want a shower, a change of clothes, and a place to put the fish before heading the few hours home. I can't describe how uncomfortable it feels to drive home with salt water stuck all over you. It also stinks the truck up something awful!
My poor old Sunline let us do all that. Unfortunately, she's really old and worn out. The black tank took a hard hit from some highway debris, and the plumbing is failing. I can't find a replacement black tank. I'd have to make extensive modifications, and the camper would be up on blocks for months while I attempt retrofit. I just can't find a newer trailer that has all that and doesn't weigh a ton.
Sorry, this got long. If anyone has any suggestions, please pass them on. Thanks in advance.
submitted by Ahkhira to RVLiving [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:44 Mountainlioness404d 30 Day Accountability Challenge - Day 30

Hello fabulous friends,
Day 30! You can wrap up today or tomorrow folks! I hope you’ve had a lovely day today.
Sign up post -
Log before I eat everything & aim for more fruit, vegetable & pre/probiotic foods for my tummy health: On it. Probotic yogurt drink & over night oats.
Calorie goal 1800-2000: On it today.
Exercise five days a week: TBD.
Journal for two minutes before playing my Switch: On it. 28/30 days.
Engage with the lose it folks: I haven’t had the energy for much of this. I spend too much time on screens for work so I'm finding myself not jazzed about it afterwards.
Today's gratitude list: Today, I'm grateful for bernadoodles. Go ahead and google it.
Random self-care action I want to conquer today: Get some sleep & sleep in past five tomorrow. Yeesh, brain let me sleep.
Your turn folks!
submitted by Mountainlioness404d to loseit [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:43 Delicious-Plant8545 Why do I feel like this

97 days into my sober journey part 2. So many good things going on in my life right now, I feel like a spoiled brat even typing out how down I feel. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and disordered eating for a solid decade. Of course alcohol made those three things worse. Way worse. But now, depression and anxiety are still there even though I am doing all of the right things (like I eat fruits and vegetables and run 4-7 miles 4 times a week and my number 2s have never been healthier). And I find myself fixating on my eating. Or lack of eating. I do realize I am trying to find a way to feel like I am in control. For such a long time, alcohol was the boss. Without it, this is going to sound dumb, I feel so lost. Who is going to tell me what to do? I.e. have a mimosa on a Monday morning because a bird chirped so nice at me and it must be celebrated by getting obliterated. I have an addictive personality so what can I cling to now that will provide me the same feelings alcohol did? I gradually starve myself and think losing a pound every other 2 days is okay. I throw myself into running/exercise and try to outdo myself every day and not in a fun motivating way. But I’ve yet to find anything that made me feel the way alcohol did—not the shitty disgusting hungover moments but the [very] brief moments where everything felt okay and actually nice. I sometimes think “I’d do anything for those first 30 minutes of bliss”. I HATE the dentist but find myself eager to have to get some work done because I can ask for nitrous oxide which is the closest thing I’ve found that makes me feel airy and weightless and kinda tingly like alcohol made me feel. Like what???
I never liked and/or found myself before I started drinking, I thought I had a good grip on who I was when I was drinking but that was all fake, and now… I don’t know. Am I going to be a sober but depressed, anxious, and weight obsessed person all my life? Is that so much better than being a drunk nuisance? And you know what doesn’t help? Having a “we are all dying so who cares?!?!?!?!?” outlook on life. It can be such a good mindset at times but very dangerous when you use it to justify awful behavior, which is what I was doing with my drinking.
Not the most positive post, I know, but days like the ones I’ve been having recently really test me. However, I did not drink with you today and I will not drink with you tomorrow, damn it 😤
submitted by Delicious-Plant8545 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:43 TheblackTeletube Do I need full coverage insurance

Hey my Uber Eats won't let me back on without insurance I'm not in a spot financially where I can pay for full coverage and only liabilities will I be good to go?
submitted by TheblackTeletube to UberEatsDrivers [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:42 Neat-Cod789 2.4 now and HUNGRY??

I expected a sharp decrease in appetite once I reached this dose after 4 months. But I feel the opposite. How can this be? Has anyone experienced the same situation? I'm also very fatigued not just the usual 1st couple of days but every day so far and its been 4 days out, now. I know we all adapt differently but this doesn't make any sense to me; to go from 1.7 to 2.4 and feeling like I'm eating more. My weight has stagnated as well. Any insights?
submitted by Neat-Cod789 to Semaglutide [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:42 BananaOppai yippee

i feel like i have no idea whho i am whatsoever. i just feel like im just empty, no personality execpt what i feel like i would like act but something feels worng. i know it's wrong. i feel like im split in two and one side is just dying to get out but the other side just prevents it from happening you know. ive been bottling up things for forever now and i dont know how much more i can handle. i never learnnt hw to deal with my emotions that ive been bottling up since basically all my life. never complained, always did everything right without complaining, never expressed my feelings, never learned how. i used to take abuse like its nothing because it seemed so normal to me and now im just breaking down at the thought of just having to deal with my feelings. i cant take this anymore, seriously. my head feel like its going to explode. my cat that has been with me since 2016 is missing i wish he wasa with me right now. i miss me more than anything, i just want t see him again. i just want to see him again. ive tried so hard to act like it doesnt affect me when it sends me into tears every time i think about it. why am i so afraid of expressing my feelings about this stuff why can4t i be vulnerable with someone. even if i was, would they even care? my eds are fucking me over since february. i got very sick and could barely eat, now that im eating like a normal person, i just feel gross. i missed when i could just eat half a plate a day.
i dont know what is wrong with me
submitted by BananaOppai to Vent [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:40 Cultural-Water4851 just being a man would fix everything

tw: depression, eating disorders and suicide
depression. anxiety. eating disorders that are just considered “girly” that make me hate myself even more. never wanting to be alive. trying to kill myself just to end up back where i started, just some little girl in my house full of problems that are all in my fucked up little brain. family issues. relationship issues. the trauma of my body morphing into some ungodly creation (no disrespect to women but why tf did it happen to me i didn’t fucking sign up for it) when i was just a kid. not knowing why i was so upset back then so i repressed it completely and now i’m dealing with it and finally starting to unpack but i can’t even talk about it outside of therapy. i’ve been on and off of 3 antidepressants in the past 5 months. you know what would really help? testosterone. or just fucking puberty blockers. but noooo. nobody ever told me WHY i started wanting to die just because i was growing up. and nobody told me there was a way to fix it. i had to figure that out on my own. all alone. i’m so fucking alone. i have a loving family and an awesome gf and supportive friends but none of them know. they all see me as a girl. who knows if they’d still be there if i came out.
who knows where i’d be if i was born a male or just fucking figured this out sooner. probably some place a whole lot happier. but i’ll never know. because putting me in the right body and letting me live MY life, not some pathetic little girls life, is just wayyy to hard for everyone, isn’t it. isn’t it? is that too much for everyone? too bad. if i wasn’t so insecure i’d go beat the shit out of every person who’s made me feel worse about myself. but no, i can’t, of course i can’t, this little girl with a weak little girl body and no confidence. respected by nobody. and if they really knew me, loved by nobody. not for who i really am. but who even cares what they think. I! JUST!! WANT TO LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK
i don’t need all these antidepressants, i don’t need to go back to a mental hospital, i just need someone to hold me and tell me i’m a big strong man and i can let myself cry and it’s ok not to be strong. i just want to be able to open up to somebody who will still love me that way. the real me
submitted by Cultural-Water4851 to ftm [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:40 Interesting_Health10 Do deaf people actually not know that certain things make noise

I js saw a tik tok about a guy not knowing chewing made a noise, can’t you feel the vibrations of eating chips for example? I also see a lot where they dunno that farting makes noise and stuff. Is some of this true or is it all bs
submitted by Interesting_Health10 to deaf [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:40 DysfunctionalCass Hi I’m pet sitting my friend leopard gecko

Hi I’m pet sitting my friend leopard gecko
Is this normal behavior I know each leopard have personality of their own i thinks it’s cute but also a bit worried
submitted by DysfunctionalCass to leopardgeckos [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:40 imbiggay96 Is it ok to cut my parents off over siblings abuse?

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.
submitted by imbiggay96 to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:40 JoshAsdvgi The Desert Tortoise and The Coyote

The Desert Tortoise and The Coyote

U Mahau into Wo'i
The Desert Tortoise and The Coyote
One day in the very hot month of August, the season of picking pitayas, a desert tortoise was walking along under the branches of the large pitayas cactus.
She was eating the red and juicy pitayas that had fallen to the ground.
She was walking along with her mouth all red from the pitaya juice, just content and happy.
As she walked along, she came upon a hungry coyote.
The coyote greeted her courteously, hoping to make a meal out of her and asked, "What is it that you have eaten which makes your mouth all red?"
"I just ate a man.
And if you bother me, I shall eat you too," the tortoise replied opening her mouth and showing her small teeth.
The coyote became afraid of the tortoise and after a while he said, "Friend turtle, tell me where I can find something to eat."
"Come with me.
At the big ranch I have some friends.
They always feed me and I will share with you."
They talked as they walked along.
The coyote and the desert tortoise had been walking for sometime when the coyote desperate with hunger said, "When are we going to arrive at this ranch? How far away is this ranch?"
"The ranch is not far, lets keep on walking and soon we will get there," said the tortoise.
But this was not the truth.
There was no ranch and the tortoise knew that if the coyote was given a chance, he would eat her all up.
So, they continued to walk.
Again the coyote asked how far the ranch was and again the tortoise answered that it was not far.
She continued to walk at her slow pace and the coyote who was just about to fall down from hunger asked the tortoise if she could walk faster.
She then told the tortoise that if she walked too fast, then smoke would begin to rise from her feet and then she asked him to look to make sure there was no smoke coming from under her shell, otherwise they would never get there.
So, the coyote continued to follow her, with his nose close to her feet and continued walking until he could walk no more.
He fainted and fell down and the desert tortoise continued walking to the next patch of delicious pitayas.
This is how the desert tortoise fooled the coyote and this took place many years ago.
submitted by JoshAsdvgi to Native_Stories [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:39 Mountainlioness404d 30 Day Accountability Challenge - June Sign Ups

Hello lose it folks! It’s almost June! That means a new daily accountability challenge thread!
For the newbies to the sub reddit, please start here, so much good info!
And hey, maybe it’s not a bad idea to review them regardless of where you are in your journey.
Let’s get down to the business, shall we?
This is the sign-up post to outline your goals. Please don’t limit yourself to weight loss or health goals, we’d love to hear about your reading list, chores, whatever you want to do in the month ahead.
There will be a daily update post for you to post how your day went, you can use whichever daily post fits your time zone. Don’t feel bad for missing a day here & there, this post is to help you feel supported however often you would like to check in.
At the end of the month, there is a wrap up post to reflect on the progress you made or didn’t make & what you learned. Learning is progress, don’t forget that!
We try to foster a supportive, caring place to discuss the actual day to day of deficits & counting & caring so much about how we fuel our bodies & lives. So be kind, interact if you like & hopefully you feel supported and cared for. Leading by example, here I go!
Log before I eat everything & aim for more fruit, vegetable & pre/probiotic foods for my tummy health: Got it. I've been making overnight oats & a weird little yogurt shot of probotics with lunch. I added a fruit to my usual lunch & miso to my dinner.
Calorie goal tbd:
Exercise five days a week: I want to get back into the habit of a walk & an on purpose workout. I got new fitness gear for the holidays & I want to use what I already have to make 2023 me a stronger version of me! I want to do yoga twice a week & use the new gloves & impact pads I got twice a week.
Journal for two minutes before playing my Switch: A sneaky way to ensure at least two minutes of journaling most days. X/X days.
Engage with the lose it folks: For example: Today I read some of the top posts & chatted up a couple of you in the comments.
Today's gratitude list: Today, I'm grateful for
Random self-care action I want to conquer today:
Now, onto the fun part. What are your goals for the month ahead?
submitted by Mountainlioness404d to loseit [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:38 Straight-Maize5045 24F and 26M been together for 8 months but having lifestyle issues and cannot see eye to eye

Bf (26) acting like he’s 19 still Me & my boyfriend of 8 months have been having some issues regarding his lifestyle. He’s still going out ~2 nights a week until 3am. Sleeps in until noon & doesn’t take care of himself at all. He only eats take out and his hygiene is poor (doesnt wash his hair or shower regularly). I really do care about him but its become a major turn off. He’s currently getting his PhD so he is not working and lives off loans. I understand being a student full time can be hard but since when is it so hard you cant cook or exercise or wakeup early? i’ve asked him if he’s depressed and he got defensive and said hes fine. He cant hold serious conversations and turns everything sexual instead. My issue is i’m the complete total opposite. I’m a working girl who wakes up early and goes to the gym and likes to cook. Do you think its bad for me to want him to change? i want whats best for him but i also feel like his actions at 26 remind me of the 18-19 year old boys years ago. I’m 24BTW. Any opinions on the situation?
submitted by Straight-Maize5045 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:38 something-orginal123 Encouragement needed

We just started out BLW journey a week ago and my daughter refuses to swallow anything! 😭
We tried noodles, yogurt, raspberries, etc. and she will make a disgusted face and spit it out. I don’t think she has eaten a thing!
She is more interested in playing with the food than eating it. Which I assume is normal.
When did your LO become more interested in the food? What is something they love that I can try? I’m drowning lol
submitted by something-orginal123 to BabyLedWeaning [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 01:38 VinMeasle Just started a new job that only pays $12/hr... and it's shaping up to be the best job I've ever had

Last year I (26M) moved to a new city for a new job. Long story short, the owner of that company was one of the biggest scumbags I've ever met and after only three months (I was already searching for a different job because of how toxic of a work environment he made it) I was let go. I've really never in my life been a part of a "good" work environment, and this was just another addition to that long list. I delivered for Uber Eats to get me through the winter, and it got me until I got a new job, but just barely. I still didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, so I decided to just try and find a seasonal job I'll have fun with to get me through the summer and to the end of my lease. I ended up getting a job as a tour guide, and just started it a few weeks ago. As the title says, I only get paid $12/hr, but here's the kicker: as a tour guide, I get to take pictures of the guests, and this company allows us to sell our own picture packages. They take nothing from those. I've already had a few days I've made $150-200, and it's only going to get busier as the summer goes on, some of the guys that worked previous summers said they would regularly go home with $500+ a day during the peak season. This place is the first place I've ever worked at where I feel like I can just shoot the shit with my bosses. They are all super laid back, and all my other coworkers are too. By being able to sell our own pictures, it helps everybody; us guides get more money, the company can save more by keeping our hourly rate low, and nobody on the administrative side has to worry about sending pictures to the dozens and dozens of customers we get daily. It's a fun job, I'm going to be able to make a ton of money this summer, I get to meet tons of new people, and everyone I work with is super dope. And on top of all that, while I was chatting with my boss one day, he suggested a similar line of work I could actually make a career out of that I had never even considered, and it sounds like it truly could be my dream job. I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason, this past spring I really struggled with my mental health for the first time, and was honestly hopeless for the foreseeable future. Then this job came along and I couldn't be happier. Here's to hoping everyone else out there can find their own perfect fit like I just did.
submitted by VinMeasle to antiwork [link] [comments]