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300 (2007) (MA/4K) $6.50
12 Monkeys (1995) (MA/4K) $3.50
12 Years a Slave (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
2 Guns (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
2012 (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
22 Jump Street (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
355, The (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
47 Meters Down (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
80 for Brady (2023) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
A Clockwork Orange (1972) (MA/4K) $6.50
A Dog's Purpose (2017) (MA/HD) $4 (iTunes/HD) $3
A Man Called Otto (2022) (MA/HD) $7.25
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
A Monster Calls (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
A Quiet Place (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.50
A Quiet Place Part II (2020) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
A Vigilante (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
A Wrinkle in Time (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) (MA/HD) $4.25
Action Point (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Ad Astra (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Addams Family (1991) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Adventures of Tintin (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
After Earth (2013) (MA/HD) $2.50
Age of Adaline (2015) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Aladdin (1992) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Alice in Wonderland (1951) (GP/HD) $5.50
Alien (1979) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
Alien 3 (1992) (MA/HD) $5.50
Alien Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $19.50 1-4 (MA/SD) $9
Alien Resurrection (1997) (MA/HD) $5.50
Alien: Covenant (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Aliens (1986) (MA/HD) $5.50
All Eyez on Me (2017) (Vudu/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/HD) $1.75
All The Money In The World (2017) (MA/HD) $4.25
All the Way (2016) (GP/HD) $3.50 No Port
Aloha (2015) (MA/HD) $2.50
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Amazing Spider-Man (2012) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Ambulance (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4
American Beauty (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
American Made (2017) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.25
American Sniper (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
American Underdog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Amsterdam (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.75
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013) (iTunes/HD) $2
Angels & Demons (2009) (MA/HD) $5.75
Angry Birds Movie (2016) (MA/HD) $3.75
Annie (2014) (MA/HD) $2.25
Antlers (2021) (GP/HD) $4
Ant-Man (2015) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Apollo 11 (2019) (MA/HD) $6.25
Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Army of Darkness (1992) (MA/HD) $4
Arrival (2016) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $4
Art of Self-Defense (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Artist, The (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Avengers (2012) (MA/4K) $7.75 (iTunes/4K) $6.75 (GP/HD) $3.75
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) (MA/4K) $7.75 (iTunes/4K) $6 (GP/HD) $1.75
Avengers: Endgame (2019) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Avengers: Infinity War (2018) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Babylon (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Back to the Future (1985) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Bad Boys for Life (2020) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
Bad Guys, The (2022) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $4.25
Bad Moms (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Bambi (1942) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Bambi II (2006) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Band of Brothers (2001) (GP/HD) $3.75 No Port
Bank Job, The (2008) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Banshees of Inisherin (2022) (GP/HD) $4.50
Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.50
Batman Year One (2011) (MA/4K) $5
Batman, The (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3
Batman: The Long Halloween Deluxe Edition (2022) (MA/HD) $6
Battle: Los Angeles (2011) (MA/4K) $6.50
Battleship (2012) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Beast (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Beauty and the Beast (1991) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2
Beauty and the Beast (2017) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Beguiled, The (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Being John Malkovich (1999) (MA/HD) $3.50
Beirut (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Belfast (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Belly (1998) (Vudu/4K) $4.75
Ben-Hur (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Better Off Dead (1985) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Beverly Hills Cop (1984) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
BFG, The (2016) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Big (1988) (MA/HD) $5.75
Big Lebowski (1998) (iTunes/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $5.75
Big Wedding (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Billy Elliot (2000) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Birth of A Nation (2016) (MA/HD) $4
Black Adam (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
Black Christmas (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.50
Black Phone, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Black Swan (2010) (MA/HD) $4.50
Black Widow (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Blacklight (2022) (MA/HD) $4.25
Blade Runner (Final Cut) (1982) (MA/4K) $6.50
Blade Runner 2049 (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50
Bleed for This (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Blockers (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Blood Father (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4
Bloodshot (2020) (MA/HD) $4
Blues Brothers (1980) (iTunes/4K) Ports to MA $6
Blumhouse's Truth Or Dare (Unrated) (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Bob's Burgers Movie (2022) (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.75
Bodyguard, The (1992) (MA/HD) $5
Bolt (2008) (MA/HD) $8 (GP/HD) $5.50
Bond: Goldfinger (1964) (Vudu/HD) $7
Bond: Man with the Golden Gun (1974) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Bond: Skyfall (2012) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (Vudu/HD) $1
Bond: Spectre (2015) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Book of Henry (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports $5
Book of Life (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Booksmart (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Born a Champion (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Boss Baby: Family Business (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Boss, The (Unrated) (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.75
Bourne Supremacy (2004) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/HD) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Ultimatum (2007) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/HD) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4
Boy Next Door, The (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.25
Boy, The (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Brahms: The Boy II (2020) (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Braven (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Breakdown (1997) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Breakthrough (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50
Brian Banks (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Bridge of Spies (2015) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.25
Broken City (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/SD) $1.25
Broken Hearts Gallery (2020) (MA/HD) $3.75
Brothers (2009) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (1992) (MA/HD) $5.75
Bullet Train (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Bye Bye Man (Unrated) (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Cake (2014) (MA/HD) $5.25
Call Me by Your Name (2017) (MA/HD) $5.75
Call, The (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50
Captain America: Civil War (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $7 (GP/HD) $5
Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain Marvel (2019) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Carrie (2013) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Cars 1-3 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $15.50 (GP/HD) $9
Casper (1995) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Catch Me If You Can (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Catch the Bullet (2021) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Change-Up, The (2011) (Unrated) (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.50
Chappie (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75
Charlie's Angels (2000) (MA/4K) $7.75
Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Director's Cut) (2004) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Cinderella (1950) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.75
Cinderella (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Cinderella 'Camila Cabello' (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50
Citizenfour (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
City of Lies (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Clerks III (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Clown (2014) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Clueless (1995) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) (MA/HD) $6.25
Cocaine Bear (2023) (MA/HD) $7.25
Colombiana (Unrated) (2011) (MA/HD) $4.25
Concussion (2015) (MA/HD) $3
Constantine: The House of Mystery (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Contraband (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2
Contractor (2022) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Counselor, The (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Cowboys and Aliens (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Croods (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Croods: A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $5
Cruella (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Cult of Chucky (Unrated) (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Daddy's Home 2 (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) $2 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Darkest Minds, The (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Day After Tomorrow (2004) $7
DC League of Super-Pets (2022) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5
Dead Man Down (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
Deadpool 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) (MA/HD) $4.25
Death on the Nile (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Death Wish (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Descent, The (2005) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Detroit (2017) (iTunes/4K) Ports to MA $4.75
Devil Wears Prada (2006) (MA/HD) $5.75
Devil's Due (2014) (MA/HD) $2.75
Devotion (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017) (MA/HD) $2
Disaster Artist, The (2017) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Disneynature Born in China (2017) (MA/HD) $5.25
DisneyNature: Bears (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
DisneyNature: Monkey Kingdom (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
District 9 (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
Do the Right Thing (1989) (MA/4K) $6
Doctor Strange (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Dog (2022) (Vudu/HD) $3
Don't Breathe (2016) (MA/HD) $5.50
Don't Breathe 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $7.50
Don't Let Go (2019) (MA/HD) $4
Don't Worry Darling (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Doors (1991) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who (2008) (MA/HD) $6.50
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Dredd (2012) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Duff, The (2015) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Dumbo (1941) (MA/HD) $7.50 (GP/HD) $6
Dumbo (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Dune (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75
Dunkirk (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50
Early Man (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Echo Boomers (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Eddie the Eagle (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6
Edge of Seventeen (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Ella Enchanted (2004) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Elvis (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4
Elysium (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.25
Empire State (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Encanto (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (GP/4K) $3.50
Ender's Game (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
English Patient (1996) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Equalizer (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75
Equalizer 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $2.75
Escape from Planet Earth (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Everest (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $4
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) (Vudu/4K) $8
Expendables 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Extreme Prejudice (1987) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
F9: The Fast Saga + Director's Cut (2021) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Fabelmans (2022) (MA/HD) $6.50
Faculty, The (1998) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Fantastic Beasts Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $7.75
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3
Fast & Furious Collection 1-9 (MA/HD) $10
Fatale (2020) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Father Stu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fatman (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Ferdinand (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Fifth Element (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $6
Fifty Shades of Black (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Finding Nemo (2003) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3
First Man (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
First Purge (2018) (MA/HD) $4.50
Five Feet Apart (2019) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Flight (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $3
Forbidden Kingdom (2008) (Vudu/HD) $5
Ford v Ferrari (2019) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Forever Purge (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Founder, The (2017) (Vudu/HD) $5 (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Fox and the Hound 2, The (2006) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $3
Foxcatcher (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
Frank & Lola (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75
Free Guy (2021) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
French Dispatch (2021) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
From Dusk till Dawn (1996) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Frozen Sing-Along Edition (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.75
Full Metal Jacket (1987) (MA/4K) $6.50
Future World (2018) (Vudu/HD) $4
Galaxy Quest (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Gambler (2014) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Gangs of New York (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Gate, The (1987) (Vudu/SD) $4.25
Get on Up (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Get Out (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.75
Ghost In The Shell (2017) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Ghostbusters (1984) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters + Extended (2016) (MA/HD) $3
Ghostbusters II (1989) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Gifted (2017) (MA/HD) $5
Girl In The Spider's Web (2018) (MA/HD) $4.50
Girl with All the Gifts, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $5
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Girls Trip (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/HD) $1
Glory (1989) (MA/4K) $7.75
Godfather (1972) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Godzilla (1998) (MA/4K) $6.50
Gold (2016) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Gone Baby Gone (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Gone Girl (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75
Good Boys (2019) (MA/HD) $3.75
Good Dinosaur (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3
Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017) (MA/HD) $6.50
Goosebumps (2015) (MA/HD) $5
Goosebumps 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.50
Great Wall (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Green Hornet (2011) (MA/HD) $6.50
Green Lantern: Beware My Power (2022) (MA/HD) $3
Green Mile, The (1999) (MA/4K) $6
Grudge, The (2020) (MA/HD) $6.50
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Hail, Caesar! (2016) (MA/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Half Brothers (2020) (MA/HD) $5.75
Halloween Ends (2022) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.50
Halloween Kills (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.25
Hancock (2008) (MA/4K) $6.50
Happy Death Day (2017) (MA/HD) $6
Happy Death Day 2U (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Happytime Murders (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1.75
Hateful Eight (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2
Heat: Director's Definitive Edition (1995) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $5.25
Heavy Metal (1981) (MA/4K) $6.50
Hell Fest (2018) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Hell or High Water (2016) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Hellboy (Director's Cut) (2004) (MA/4K) $6.50
Hercules (1997) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5.50
Hidden Figures (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Highlander (1986) (Vudu/4K) $5
Hitman: Agent 47 (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Hocus Pocus (1993) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Holiday Inn (1942) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3
Home Alone (1990) (MA/HD) $4
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) (MA/HD) $3.50
Hostiles (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Hot Fuzz (2007) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/4K) $4
Hotel Transylvania (2012) (MA/HD) $6
Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $6.75
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.50
House of Gucci (2021) (iTunes/4K) $5
House of the Dragon: Season 1 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $9 (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Hugo (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Hulk, The (2003) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $6.25
Hunt for Red October (1990) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Hunt, The (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Huntsman: Winter's War - Extended Edition (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Hurt Locker (2008) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
I Can Only Imagine (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (MA/HD) $4.50
Identity Thief (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Ides of March (2011) (MA/HD) $5.25
If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
Impossible, The (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
In the Heights (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Inception (2010) (MA/4K) $6.50
Incredible Hulk (2008) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.25
Incredibles (2004) (MA/4K) $7.75 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.75
Independence Day: Resurgence (2014) (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Indiana Jones 1-4 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Inferno (2016) (MA/HD) $3.25
Infinite (2021) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Inside Out (2015) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015) (MA/HD) $6.50
Instructions Not Included (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Internship (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Interview, The (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Into the Woods (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Iron Man (2008) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 2 (2010) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 3 (2013) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Isle of Dogs (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
It Follows (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Jack and Jill (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Jackass Forever (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Jackie (2016) (MA/HD) $4.25
Jacob's Ladder (1990) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Jane Got a Gun (2016) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Jason Bourne (2016) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/HD) $3.50 (MA/HD) $3
Jay & Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Jesus Music, The (2021) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Jigsaw (2017) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2
Jingle All the Way (1996) (MA/HD) $5.25
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jojo Rabbit (2019) (MA/HD) $6.75
Joy (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4
Judy (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Jumanji (1995) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $6
Jumanji: Next Level (2019) & Welcome to the Jungle (2017) (MA/HD) $7.50
Jurassic Park (1993) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3
Jurassic Park III (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
Jurassic World (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $2.75
Jurassic World: Dominion + Extended Cut (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.25
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $1.75
Justice League x RWBY Super Heroes and Huntsmen Part One (2023) (MA/HD) $4.25
Justice Society: World War II (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50
Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016) (MA/HD) $4.25
Kick-Ass (2010) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Kick-Ass 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $5
Kicks (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Kid Who Would Be King (2019) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Kidnap (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004) (Vudu/HD) $6
Kill the Messenger (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Killer Elite (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.25
Killerman (2019) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Killing Lincoln (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
Killing Them Softly (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
King of Staten Island (2020) (MA/HD) $4.75
King's Man (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Knock at the Cabin (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Kong: Skull Island (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50
Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Kung Fu Panda Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12.50
L.A. Confidential (1997) (MA/HD) $5.75
Last Christmas (2019) (MA/HD) $6.50
Last Full Measure (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Last Night in Soho (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.75
Last Vegas (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Law Abiding Citizen (2009) (Vudu/4K) $7
Lawless (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Leap! (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Lee Daniels' The Butler (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Legend of Hercules (2014) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Legion of Super Heroes (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Les Miserables (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Let Him Go (2020) (MA/HD) $3.75
Let's Be Cops (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Life (2017) (MA/HD) $2.50
Light of My Life (2019) (Vudu/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/HD) $2
Lighthouse (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Lightyear (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Like a Boss (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Lion (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) (MA/HD) $6.50
Lion King 2: Simba's Pride (1998) (MA/HD) $6.75 (GP/HD) $5.25
Little Fockers (2010) (MA/HD) $4
Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000) (MA/HD) $6.75
Little Mermaid III: Ariel’s Beginning (2008) (MA/HD) $6.75
Little Monsters (1989) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Live Die Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow (2014) (MA/4K) $5
Live Die Repeat: Edge Of Tomorrow (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
Lodge, The (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Logan Lucky (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/4K) $2.25
London Has Fallen (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Long Shot (2019) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Longest Ride (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.50
Lord of War (2005) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Lords of Salem, The (2012) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Lost City, The (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Love Actually (2003) (MA/HD) $5.50
Love and Monsters (2020) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $7
Love, Simon (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Lovebirds (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Luca (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Lucy (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Ma (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2
Maleficent (2014) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $1.25
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.75
Mama (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Mamma Mia! The Movie (2008) & Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/HD) $6.50 $4.50 Each
Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) (MA/HD) $6.25
Marksman, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Marlowe (2023) (MA/HD) $7.50
Marry Me (2022) (MA/HD) $6.50
Martian - Extended Cut (2015) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Martian (Theatrical) (2015) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Mary Poppins (1964) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Mary Queen of Scots (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
Matrix: Resurrections (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
McFarland, USA (2015) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Memory (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Men (2022) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Menu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $4
Mickey & Minnie 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 1 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers (2004) (MA/HD) $6.50
Midsommar (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Million Dollar Arm (2014) (MA/HD) $4
Minions (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) & Minions (2015) (MA/HD) $8
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Miracles From Heaven (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Missing Link (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Mission: Impossible Fallout (2018) (Vudu/4K) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Mitchells Vs. The Machines (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Money Monster (2016) (MA/HD) $3.25
Monster Hunter (2020) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Monster Trucks (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Monster's Ball (2001) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Monuments Men (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Moonfall (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Morbius (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25 (MA/SD) $2.25
Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Mortal Kombat Legends: Snow Blind (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Mother! (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Mountain Between Us (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.50
Mr Popper's Penguins (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Mr. Holmes (2015) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Muppet Movie (1979) (MA/HD) $7.50 (GP/HD) $6
My All American (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4
My Dinner with Herve (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
My Fair Lady (1964) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5.25
Nebraska (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Neighbors (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2
Never Grow Old (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Night Before (2015) (MA/HD) $4.75
Night House, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) (GP/HD) Ports to MA $3
Ninth Gate, The (1999) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
No Country For Old Men (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
No Time to Die (2021) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Nobody (2021) (MA/HD) $5.25
Nocturnal Animals (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.25
Non-Stop (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Nope (2022) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5.75
Nope (2022), Get Out (2017) & Us (2019) (MA/HD) $10
Norm of the North (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Northman (2022) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.50
Old (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Olympus Has Fallen (2013) (MA/HD) $5
On the Basis of Sex (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Onward (2020) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Oranges, The (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Other Woman (2014) (MA/HD) $2.25
Ouija (2014) & Origin of Evil (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $9
Overboard (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Pacific Rim (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50
Pacific Rim Uprising (2018) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $4.50
Pain & Gain (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Paper Towns (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50
ParaNorman (2012) (iTunes/HD) $5
Passengers (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Paul (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $4.25
Paw Patrol: The Movie (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Pearl (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Peppermint (2018) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Pet Sematary (2019) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Peter Rabbit (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Peter Rabbit 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $4
Phantom Thread (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75
Philomena (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2
Pineapple Express (Unrated Edition) (2008) (MA/HD) $6
Pinocchio (1940) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
Pirate Fairy (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $1.75
Pitch Perfect 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Pixar Short Films Collection, Vol. 3 (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Pixels (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Plane (2023) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $8
Planes (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.25
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2
Playing with Fire (2019) (iTunes/4K) $1.50 (Vudu/HD) $2
Pocahontas (1995) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $3.25
Pompeii (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Poms (2019) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Post, The (2017) (MA/HD) $2.75
Predator (1987) (MA/HD) $3.50
Predator (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.50
Premium Rush (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25
Prey for the Devil (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Princess and the Frog (2009) (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Prometheus (2012) (MA/HD) $1.75
Protege, The (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75
Psycho (1960) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Psycho (1960), Rear Window (1954), The Birds (1963), Vertigo (1958) (MA/4K) $17
Public Enemies (2009) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.25
Punisher, The (2004) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Purge, The (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Purge: Election Year (2016) (MA/4K $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $7.50
Queen & Slim (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
R.I.P.D. (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $3
Race (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.75
Rambo Last Blood (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Rambo: First Blood (1982) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Rango (2011) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Ratatouille (2007) (iTunes/4K) $8 (GP/HD) $5.50
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Red (2010) (Vudu/4K) $6.25
Requiem for a Dream - Director's Cut (2000) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Rescuers Down Under (1990) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $4
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) (MA/HD) $2.25
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Respect (2021) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Richard Jewell (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50
Ricki And The Flash (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Riddick - Unrated Director's Cut (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Ride Along 1-2 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5 $2.75 Each
Rio 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2.25
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2010) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75
Risen (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Road to El Dorado (2000) (MA/HD) $5.50
Robin Hood (2018) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Robin Hood (Animated) (1973) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
RoboCop (1987) (Vudu/HD) $7.25
Robots (2005) (MA/HD) $6.75
Rock Dog (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Rocketman (2019) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $2.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Ron's Gone Wrong (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Rumble (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Run Lola Run (1998) (MA/HD) $6.50
Runner Runner (2013) (MA/HD) $4
Rush (2013) (MA/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Russell Madness (2015) (MA/HD) $4
Safe (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Safe House (2012) (MA/HD) $4 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Saint Maud (2020) (Vudu/HD) $6
Santa Clause (1994), 2 (2002), 3 (2006) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $10.50 (GP/HD) $6.50
Saving Mr. Banks (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Scream (1996) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Scrooged (1988) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Second Act (2018) (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Secret Garden, The (2020) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Secret Headquarters (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6
Secret Life of Pets 1-2 (MA/HD) $7.50
Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5
Secret Life of Pets, The (2016) (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $2.75
Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) (MA/HD) $2
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Seriously Red (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
Sessions, The (2012) (MA/HD) $4.50
Seventh Son (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Sex Tape (2014) (MA/HD) $3
Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007), World's End (2013) (MA/HD) $10
Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4
Shawshank Redemption (1994) (MA/4K) $6
She's Having a Baby (1988) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Shooter (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Sideways (2004) (MA/HD) $5.25
Silent Night, Deadly Night: 3-Film Collection (1989-1991) (Vudu/HD) $6
Silver Linings Playbook (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2007) (MA/HD) $6.50
Sing 2 (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Sing Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Singin' in the Rain (1952) (MA/4K) $6.50
Sinister (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Sisters (Unrated) (2015) (MA/HD) $4 (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Sixteen Candles (1984) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Skeleton Twins (2014) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Sleepless (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1
Smile (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Smurfs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Snake Eyes (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Snatched (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1
Snitch (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Snow White and the Huntsman (Extended) (2012) (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Son of God (2014) (MA/HD) $1.25
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Sound of Music, The (1965) (MA/HD) $5.75
Southpaw (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Southside With You (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Space Between Us, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Space Jam (1996) (MA/4K) $5
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Spider-Man (2002) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man 2 (2004) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man 3 (2007) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $4
Spies in Disguise (2019) (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2003) (MA/HD) $5
Spontaneous (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Spy (Unrated) (2015) (MA/HD) $2
Spy Game (2001) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.75
Stand Up Guys (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Star Trek 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $18 (Vudu/HD) $9.50 (iTunes/4K) $13.50
Star Trek Beyond (2016) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Starship Troopers (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50
Step Up Revolution (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Still Alice (2015) (MA/HD) $3
Stillwater (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated Director’s Cut) (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Strange World (2022) (GP/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) (MA/HD) $3.50
Stronger (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Stuber (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/HD) $6.75
Suicide Squad, The (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Sully (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50
Sum of All Fears, The (2002) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75
Super Troopers (2002) (MA/HD) $5.75
SW: A New Hope (1977) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Empire Strikes Back (1980) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Force Awakens (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Last Jedi (2017) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Phantom Menace (1999) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Return of the Jedi (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Revenge of the Sith (2005) (MA/4K) $7.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
SW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.25
SW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Sword in the Stone (1963) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Tag (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Tarzan (1999) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Ted (2012) (Unrated) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Teen Titans Go! & DC Super Hero Girls: Mayhem in the Multiverse (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Terminator (1984) (Vudu/HD) $7
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Terminator 4: Salvation (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $2.50
Terminator: Genisys (2015) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50
Theory Of Everything (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4
Thing, The (2011) (MA/HD) $6.25
This Is 40 (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Thor (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Thor: The Dark World (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Till (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Titanic (1997) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
TMNT Out of the Shadows (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4
Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Tomorrowland (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Top Gun: Maverick (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Total Recall + Extended (2012) (MA/HD) $5 (Theatrical) $4
Toy Story 1-4 (MA/4K) $23 (iTunes/4K) $21 (GP/HD) $11.50
Toy Story of Terror! (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Trading Places (1983) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Traffic (2000) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.75
Training Day (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50
Trainwreck (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Transformers: Last Knight (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $2.25 (Vudu/HD) $2
Trauma Center (2019) (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Triple 9 (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Trolls (2016) (MA/HD) $1.25
Trolls Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Tully (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
Turning Red (2022) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.75
Umma (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Unbreakable (2000) (MA/4K) $6 (GP/HD) $3.75
Unbroken (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Uncharted (2022) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.25
Uncle Drew (2018) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Under the Skin (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Unforgiven (1992) (MA/4K) $6.50
Unhinged (2020) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Up (2009) (iTunes/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.75
Up in Smoke ‘Cheech and Chong’ (1978) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Upside, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Usual Suspects, The (1995) (Vudu/HD) $6
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Van Helsing (2004) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.50
Vice (2015) 'Bruce Willis' (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Voyagers (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Walking Dead: Season 11 (2021) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
WALL-E (2008) (iTunes/4K) $8 (GP/HD) $5.50
War Dogs (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50
War of the Worlds (1953) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
War Of The Worlds (2005) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Watch, The (2012) (MA/HD) $4.25
Way, Way Back, The (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
Weird Science (2008) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Welcome to Marwen (2018) (MA/4K) $3.50
What Men Want (2019) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $1.25
What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
When the Game Stands Tall (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50 (MA/SD) $1.75
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022) (MA/HD) $4.50
Whiplash (2014) (MA/HD) $5.75
White House Down (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody (2022) (MA/HD) $6
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) (MA/4K) $5.25
Wind River (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Wings (1927) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Witch, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Wolf Man (1941) (MA/4K) $6.50
Wolverine (Unrated) (2013) (MA/HD) $3.75
Woman King (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) (MA/4K) $5
Won't Back Down (2012) (MA/HD) $4
World War Z (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Wreck-It Ralph (2012) (GP/HD) $4.25
X (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
X2: X-Men United (2003) (MA/HD) $6.25
X-Men (2000) (MA/HD) $6.25
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.25
Yesterday (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Zathura (2005) (MA/HD) $7
Zero Dark Thirty (2012) (MA/HD) $3

A single, lone hill jutted from the ground, the only rise across the flat plains around the river Luzum. Was it a hill or a glorified mound? Either way, looking south it was the only place to get a view of the plains, of the river. Of the greater city on its banks. Ibandr.
On the hill sat a man on the bare back of a horse. A breeze from the south, coming a long way from the river at the edge of his vision, whipped his matting of hair in a gentle flicking. His beard, short but shaggy, stood firm on his face, smooth save for the occasional scar or burned mark. The man wore hemp coverings around his shoulders, his waist, down his legs, wrapped loosely with gaps where the wind billowed them to life. He frowned as the wind picked up, hair whipping in the breeze, and reached into a bundle across his shoulder. He pulled out a long cloth and wrapped his hair in a practiced fashion, wiping sweat from his brow once he was done.
“Barnam,” the man turned as another on horseback rode up to him, “we shall be ready soon.”
The man, Barnam, nodded. “At sunset, then.”
“At sunset,” and the other man turned his horse to trot back down the hill. By the hillside, around a hundred horses and men stood, wiping their horses, smoothing stone blades, copper scythes, or long wooden spears. They talked, some joking and laughing, others grave and serious, trading old stories of war or raiding or famine. Barnam looked at them, an absent smile on his face. His family.
“Your father is dead,” his mother had said. Her hand was on his shoulder, other hand on his cheek. He stood on bare, loose dirt, his toes wriggled in the crumbled land. Above him the sky had been cloudy but the sun, when it broke through, was strong and piercing, threatening to push any man or woman who stood against it back into the ground.
Barnam the boy had felt all these things. Yet his soul was in free fall. Down, down, down he fell, screaming a silent scream at the top of his lungs, the word echoing around him, his mother's voice, his father's voice, his voice clanging in a cacophony as he fell ever forward, ever down, into a great abyss of being. The one word over and over, louder and louder, until it was the only thing he could hear and could ever hear: dead.
Not ‘out along the river.’ Not ‘in the outer world.’ Not ‘passed to the ancestors.’ Dead. Your father is dead.
Barnam the man remembered how Barnam the boy felt that day, and he shuddered on his horse as if his soul was back in that free fall, weightless in terror and sorrow and grief. It had been shortly after they crossed the river Duf, into the lands and tribe of the Albayet, that they learned of his father’s death. Barnam remembered little but knew someone had come to them to tell them. One of Hadr’s friends who owed him some debt, chasing after the mother and son to bring them nothing but news of death. The Albayet welcomed them, his mother had always had a silver tongue. She told them of Ibandr, of their troubles with the Zivold, of Hadr and his insistence we come to them, to find Artanr, Harald, and Pulti, to find shelter. To find refuge. To find a home. Yes, the Albayet had welcomed them with open arms. Pulti, especially, had taken to Barnam as if he was his own son.
The horse bellow him snorted, shaking its head at a buzzing fly. Harald became Zivold of the Albayet, his wife Adari the Linezold. Barnam found it odd that both were venerated at an equal status. He barely even remembered who the Linezold of Ibandr was, the wife of the Zivold seldom making grand or luxurious appearances like he did. Once or twice he noticed her at one of Hadr’s festivals but never more. Barnam sighed. He traced his face with a free hand, the other holding onto his horse’s mane. One scar traced his cheek. The first time he had taken a life, the man who threatened him and his mother when he had just reached his thirteenth year. A burn on his cheekbone, one that never healed when they were set upon by another Anug tribe on horseback, wielding fire as well as blade. Many others, some healed, some not, from his years and years with the Albayet. Life was harder on the eastern end of his known world than it had ever been in Ibandr. They farmed as his father and mother had in the city, yes, but the harvests were never trustworthy, forcing him and the Albayet to rely on horsemeat and raiding other villages as much as they relied on the grains of the earth. No Sinnamit guided their festivals, their worship, their healing, their scholarship, only the Zivold and the Linezold, husband and wife of the peoples, were the way forward.
These easterners were much more at home on horseback the city residents. In Ibandr, men only ever rode when guiding their horse herds through the city or out to the river to graze. Here it was an every day occurrence. Hunting or traveling was done on horseback. Times of leisure or work were done on horseback. Even when farming, a horse was typically nearby, with some strange folk ever tying hoes to their horses and walking them along the field. Silliness of the east. The Albayet never were too far from their horses.
Twenty-four summers passed since he and his mother, fatigued and starved and parched, had wandered into the Albayet village and placed their lives into their hands. Here they were sheltered, his mother taken care of and remarried, Barnam raised and trained in the ways of the easterners. They spoke the same and yet different. Some words felt as though he stuffed cotton in his mouth, his tongue working this way or that, making sounds he’d never heard before and hearing the locals laughing at him. Other times he’d feel like he was stretching his jaw out, long and thin. Some j’s sounded like y’s, some words pressed together, some cut in half. But his mother insisted that, when alone, they only spoke as they did at their home. “Our grandmothers are all around us. They follow us on our journey through the darkness. If you forget to speak as they did, how will you speak to them? Only then will they truly go to the Outer World.” She always insisted to hold on to their language, but embrace the Albayet and become as their own.
Through the years Barnam had made some journeys back to his home city. “Your life was stolen from you,” Pulti had told him, long after he had married his mother, “your father’s life was stolen from you. Let me help you, my son, let me help you right your wrong. There is a blood debt here, the worst debt of a father's murder, that can only be paid in one way.” Pulti urged him to think about returning to Ibandr, not as a visitor but to reclaim what was owed to him. The life of Ibandr’s Zivold.” He thought about those words, that mentality, the feeling of a wrong needing to be righted, as he moved through the town posing as a traveler from afar. He’d shake his head when the citizens asked him questions. Where are you from? Who are you with? What are you doing here? He bartered for fish and stone in exchange for horse meat and milk, but all the while he watched and he listened. Three times he made the journey to Ibandr, and each time he learned more.
The Zivold had relegated the Sinnamit to the role of speaker. When the Zivold emerged from the great storehouse of Ibandr, Hadr was there, older than ever, announcing his presence and what would be done in the city that day. Hadr called him not just the Zivold, but the Lord guided by Kutenr, the Paroxl of good harvests and lifesaving flooding. He would here Hadr bellow, "And here is Attarnap, Zivold of Ibandr, Lord guided by Kutenr, Savior of the World, Chosen by Anakinr and blessed by Samvastatn. Life be given to Attarnap, who stands before you in front of the Temple of Kutenr. Life be given to Attarnap, bow to his presence." All around Barnam, the citizens of Ibandr lowered themselves on the ground, kneeling and touching their faces to the ground. He learned quickly to do the same, gritting his teeth to bowing to his father's murdered.
But he couldn't help but think how the Temple of Kutenr had come to be. If the storehouse had been great before, it was grand now. The circular building flanked by long stretches of rectangular rooms was gone. A long, rectangular building, big and empty for the storage of an unbelievable amounts of grain stood in the middle of the city. At the end of it sat a great mound of a building, what Barnam came to learn was the new temple. It was slowly being built with mud-bricks by a group of laborers, a great big pile with four sides pointing to the sky carved on one side with majestic images from Hortens lore and painted on another side with images of what Barnam came to understand as the Paroxl. Along the edge of the great storehouse were circular, two-story buildings with openings in the middle. Barnam made his way into one, empty at the time, and saw stairs leading up to a second floor and an open window to a small, central courtyard. A great amount of room inside and furnished so as to seem like it was the living quarters of the Sinnamit, the Zivold, or those he preferred most.
The buildings around the city center had transformed as well. Gone were the small clumps of buildings, one-storied in varying cascading heights. Now the houses had been replaced and were all similar in size and shape: two-storied, rectangular houses longer than they were wide, built at regular intervals with space in the middle. Some homes had shades built out of mud or wood - rare as it was - or simple hangings of hemp in between the houses, where the citizens sat and worked in the outdoors, speaking to one another or calling out to workers on the roofs. He had made his way back to his old home, finding it gone and replaced with these larger buildings, larger homes to fit the growing city. When Barnam had been a child, the channels they carved only extended as far as his home. But the last time Barnam visited Ibandr, maybe one summer before today, the channels went out twice as far, home going further and further than Barnam could have ever dreamed.
Even now, as Barnam stood on his hill, he saw what appeared to be a piece of the river sitting outside of the city. It shimmered in the sun, a large pool of water where only one summer ago there had been none. Had that been the Zivold’s doing as well? What wonders were being built by that murderer’s fist? What was the purpose of this reservoir of water? He shook his head. He would have to ask the Zivold when he met him, before he got what he was owed.
The sky rumbled in the far distance. The boy who became a man looked left to the east, seeing a darkness of clouds emerging where once there had been little. To the west the sun was low, grazing the far reaches of the river, going low to light the lands of the Outer World for the night. Barnam took his horse and turned it around, back down the hill to the others. It was time to set out.
Context: Don't mind me just doing some internal conflict. Barnam was raised by the Anug and grew to be one of them. But his mother and adoptive father urge him to take revenge on the Zivold and the city. Ibandr has grown in the mean time, swelling in size and population. The Zivold continues to maintain his hold on the city and has been able to organize the structure of the inner city, while the outer grows further and further beyond the river. A, large to them, pyramid-shaped mound has been erected and is called a temple, though it's solid through and more of a landmark than anything else.

We're landing in Rome (FCO) at 7:05 AM on a Tuesday in June and won't be able to check into our hotel until 4 PM (or 2 PM if we pay 24 euros for early check-in). Our hotel is near Piazza di Montevecchio (about 2 mins walk from Piazza Navona) and plan to drop our luggage off in the morning.
Any ideas for how we might spend the five or six hours between arriving in the city around 9 and check-in to hotel in late afternoon with two young children (2 and 7 yo) who will be feeling like its 2 or 3 in the morning? My thinking is late breakfast/early lunch and explore Piazza Navona, exploring the Pantheon...Trying to make the best use of our time while also not overdoing it and navigating potential meltdowns with kids.
Thanks!

Hey everyone!
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I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
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So background context:
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I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program (IB) with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap because I can't go anywhere alone without making a scene. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
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The issue:
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Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. However, she's quite antisocial, yet clingy. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. However, this friend began trailing me early in our friendship and wouldn't let me leave to go hang out with other friends on my own. Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people, I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation.
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Additionally, she's very pessimistic and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong (You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings is often met with "So what? I don't care") Additionally, I'm quite optimistic, and I like that part of me, even if it makes me naive.
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However, I feel like because I'm only around her all the time I'm becoming more similar to herself, and I hate myself for it.
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. it also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows this too, which makes it worse. My other best friend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships. Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. Eventually, this led to enough conflict last year that he also doesn't talk to me.
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She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result, I've also grown severely distant). However, this is also applicable to me. We have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
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This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this decision impromptu visit to the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision.
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Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well.
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Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior, and had made sure to include both girls in a fair manner (We were all co-presidents). They had no intention to tell me, and I found out through another friend by coincidence. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. Eventually, we talked about it and came to an understanding.
​
This is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned I had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him to push my friend to get scholarship information from me in a very pushy manner. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet). Plus we had agreed that we wouldn't do exchanges in this sense because of the prior issue. (In this sense as in...something we can't repay the other for in the moment. Homework is alright because it's something that comes up frequently and often we help each other in a balanced manner).
​
I thought about talking to her, but she knows what her dad did was wrong, and a lot of my other issues revolve around who she is as a person so I can't change that.
​
Why am I still friends with her?
​
Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then.
​
Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). But, there is the con that I don't have to spend money, and she's always down to split a coffee or find coupons with me.
​
Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic from time to time.
​
Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
​
What I think is the best solution:
​
I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
​
However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defence mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
​
What else should I do? Anyone have any ideas for how I could reach the ideal version of friendship I'm looking for? Please let me know if you need any more details.
​
TL;DR: Best friend is controlling, pessimistic, egoistic, looks down on others, aggressive/pushy, and rocks the boat of my other relationships making me feel anxious and isolating me. However, we connect very well on an emotional level. What should I do?

Hey everyone!
I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
So background context:
I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap because I can't go anywhere alone without making a scene. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
The issue:
Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. However, she's quite antisocial, yet clingy. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. However, this friend began trailing me early in our friendship and wouldn't let me leave to go hang out with other friends on my own. Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people, I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation.
Additionally, she's very pessimistic and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong (You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings is often met with "So what? I don't care") Additionally, I'm quite optimistic, and I like that part of me, even if it makes me naive.
However, I feel like because I'm only around her all the time I'm becoming more similar to herself, and I hate myself for it.
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. it also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows this too, which makes it worse. My other best friend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships. Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. Eventually, this led to enough conflict last year that he also doesn't talk to me.
She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result, I've also grown severely distant). However, this is also applicable to me. We have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this decision impromptu visit to the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision.
Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well.
Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior, and had made sure to include both girls in a fair manner (We were all co-presidents). They had no intention to tell me, and I found out through another friend by coincidence. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. Eventually, we talked about it and came to an understanding.
This is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned I had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him to push my friend to get scholarship information from me in a very pushy manner. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet). Plus we had agreed that we wouldn't do exchanges in this sense because of the prior issue. (In this sense as in...something we can't repay the other for in the moment. Homework is alright because it's something that comes up frequently and often we help each other in a balanced manner).
I thought about talking to her, but she knows what her dad did was wrong, and a lot of my other issues revolve around who she is as a person so I can't change that.
Why am I still friends with her?
Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then.
Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). But, there is the con that I don't have to spend money, and she's always down to split a coffee or find coupons with me.
Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic from time to time.
Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
What I think is the best solution:
I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defence mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
What else should I do? Anyone have any ideas for how I could reach the ideal version of friendship I'm looking for? Please let me know if you need any more details.
TL;DR: Best friend is controlling, pessimistic, egoistic, looks down on others, aggressive/pushy, and rocks the boat of my other relationships making me feel anxious and isolating me. However, we connect very well on an emotional level. What should I do?

Hey everyone!
I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
So background context:
I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap because I can't go anywhere alone without making a scene. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
The issue:
Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. However, she's quite antisocial, yet clingy. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. However, this friend began trailing me early in our friendship and wouldn't let me leave to go hang out with other friends on my own. Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people, I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation.
Additionally, she's very pessimistic and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong (You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings is often met with "So what? I don't care") Additionally, I'm quite optimistic, and I like that part of me, even if it makes me naive.
However, I feel like because I'm only around her all the time I'm becoming more similar to herself, and I hate myself for it.
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. it also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows this too, which makes it worse. My other best friend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships. Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. Eventually, this led to enough conflict last year that he also doesn't talk to me.
She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result, I've also grown severely distant). However, this is also applicable to me. We have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this decision impromptu visit to the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision.
Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well.
Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior, and had made sure to include both girls in a fair manner (We were all co-presidents). They had no intention to tell me, and I found out through another friend by coincidence. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. Eventually, we talked about it and came to an understanding.
This is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned I had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him to push my friend to get scholarship information from me in a very pushy manner. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet). Plus we had agreed that we wouldn't do exchanges in this sense because of the prior issue. (In this sense as in...something we can't repay the other for in the moment. Homework is alright because it's something that comes up frequently and often we help each other in a balanced manner).
I thought about talking to her, but she knows what her dad did was wrong, and a lot of my other issues revolve around who she is as a person so I can't change that.
Why am I still friends with her?
Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then.
Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). But, there is the con that I don't have to spend money, and she's always down to split a coffee or find coupons with me.
Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic from time to time.
Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
What I think is the best solution:
I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defence mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
What else should I do? Anyone have any ideas for how I could reach the ideal version of friendship I'm looking for? Please let me know if you need any more details.
TL;DR: Best friend is controlling, pessimistic, egoistic, looks down on others, aggressive/pushy, and rocks the boat of my other relationships making me feel anxious and isolating me. However, we connect very well on an emotional level. What should I do?

Just like the title said, I have an idea for leshy the main "enemy" of inscryption. He could be a Tall character with a standard terror radius. His main ability would focus around his three boss masks (or four if we're being technical) , being the Prospector, the Angler, and the Trapper.
This is Leshy the big shadowey pair of eyes in the back.
For the prospector mask, you would gain a speed bonus to damaging gens and destroying pallets and doors. His additional innate perk would be he could find extra golden teeth completing these actions to give to the trader (more on her later).
The angler would make leshy move slower but would extend his lunge to a decent degree, upon hitting the survivor they would be dragged closer to leshy forcing their damage boost to be dampened slightly. Just like the Prospector the Angler also has a teeth bonus, once leshy manages hit a survivor he'll get a small tooth bonus, however if he is wearing the Angler mask when he places a survivor on the hook he gains a large bonus, do to essentially doing what he does best.
Finally the Trapper, I'll be honest due to there already being a character quite literally being named the trapper, I'm struggling to come up with an entirely unique idea for this mask. One Idea I've managed to come up with is a modified trapper concept, You can rig a leaping trap onto a downed pallet, a window, or a gen. Without add-ons You'd have a maximum of 3 leaping traps that regenerate over time, or by picking them up, these traps can latch on survivors giving them the hindered status effect, and if the survivor is hit during this time the trap will release it's grip from the survivor and give the trapper a boost in teeth. The survivor can also release the trap manually however this will take some time, but if they are able to release the trap stuck on them, not only will the hindered status effect be removed, but they'll gain a temporary speed boost.
Now I think it's about time I explain the Trader, unlike the other masks that leshy has on hand, the trader mask will spawn in the map near a chest, once either the survivor or leshy finds the mask, a small prompt will appear on the screen to trade teeth for a small perk in game or an item of high rarity for the survivor. I mainly did this as the Trader always seemed more neutral between the player and leshy within the second and third chapter.
I should explain how survivors can gain teeth in the match, Well completing a generator would give you a large sum of teeth, healing a survivor or cleansing deep wound would give you a small sum of teeth, unlocking a chest would gift you a medium sum of teeth.
Now let's talk about his weapons and his mori, For the Prospector, his weapon will be a one handed pick-axe just as he wields in his own game, the Angler would wield his rather large fishing hook, and the Trapper would weild his best skinning knife (plenty of things to skin in this new game.) As for the mori Leshy would have all 3 masks float around him as a reference to his main boss fight in the first chapter of inscryption, He'd use the angler's hook to pull the survivor up and towards himself, quickly following this with a slash from the Trapper's skinning knife to the chest and throat, and with a single heavy swing with the Prospector's pick slam them into the ground, and to finish it off he'd take a quick snapshot of the survivor, creating a new death card which he then pockets for use in later games.
Now some less in depth things his terror radius would most likely be a more horror themed version of his boss theme in the first part of inscryption, including the dynamic music depending on which mask he is currently wearing. His chase theme could be a much more intense and fast mashup of the 3 boss themes.
At the start of the match he'd quickly scan the area with his magic camera, before placing the prospector mask on his face to begin the game.
Now I've come to a brick wall, and it's kinda the most important brick wall I could've gotten stuck on the perks, I'll be honest I'm not good with making perks, sooooo.....I'd like to see what you peeps can come up with. All I ask is that it tries to tie in with Leshy's character, any and all ideas would be appreciated :).
Now I'm gonna write down my idea for the way and reason Why Leshy is a killer ( you may skip reading this part if you'd like, it's mostly just my head canon reason as to why leshy is even in the realm.)
"This is it" ,Leshy thought to himself, "This is the final game I'll ever play, I'm just glad I had someone to play it with in my final moments." Leshy took a deep breath and sighed, "I thank you for playing with me, though I wish it could last forever." The candle that once kept track of his opponent's lives in the card game he loved so dearly suddenly vanished into nothing more than a mesh of red pixels, "It's already started." Leshy said wearily, slowly but surely more and more things began to disappear until, the little bell that would keep the game going vanished with the rest of the items already lost. "Ah," Said leshy in a surprised and saddened tone, " That will make things difficult..." With those final words uttered and the disappearance of the deck that was used by his opponent as well as the table they once sat near, the game was over. Leshy extended his hand to his shadowy opponent and said one final phrase, "Good Game." After Leshy's opponent shook his hand, he vanished just like all of the other items and such that did so before him. That is when something peculiar happened, Leshy was...conscious, he tried to look around to gather his bearings but he couldn't see anything at all, he was consumed by an inky black void of nothingness.
That is when he heard the whisper, faint almost non existent but there, he decided that although he couldn't see the individual whispering he'd try to speak with them, "Hello?" He said in a hushed and nervous tone "Who's there, can you help me?" The whisper started to move away from leshy, not wanting to be left behind he began to follow the voice. Although the space was believed to be empty it was actually quite...familiar, Leshy slowly stumbled in the darkness tripping and falling over what could only be assumed to be roots and logs.
Progressively a dim light began creep into the darkness that surrounded him, Leshy began to recognize this place the more he got to observe it, it was his own forest his own home, though some things were....different to say the least. Firstly after searching around for hours he could not find his associates, The Angler would almost certainly be fishing at his favorite spot on the bridge, The Prospector tirelessly chipping away at stone in hopes of finding gold, and The Trapper would almost always be waiting inside his cabin looking for a fresh creature to make into a hand crafted pelt.
Leshy was confused as to how and why he was in his forest again, that is when the whisper spoke directly to him. "I have given you another chance" It rasped, "Just as you have for your challengers in your own game." Leshy quickly responded saying "I don't understand, why would you save me, who are you, and why am I here?" The whisper answered all 3 questions quickly, "I saved you so that you will play my game, Who and what I am does not concern you, And you are here to gain an advantage no one knows this forest like you." Leshy then asks another question, "Where are my subordinates, The Prospector, The Angler, and The Trapper?"
The whisper snickered and said " Right where they belong right by your side." Leshy glanced down to his side to find all 3 of the wooden masks made in their image. The whisper then continued " Whilst you are here in my realm you will play my game, Your job is to catch and kill all 4 players." Somewhat shaken by the whisper's words he said "I will not play unless you can convince me that the players will be alright after they pass." The whisper un-phased by this statement quickly responded saying, "They never truly die, they always respawn to play my game over and over again, and as long as you do as I wish you can play forever." Leshy pondered and stewed on the whispers answer and offer, Equally disgusted and interested, although the idea of killing some one churned his stomach (aside from his bitter rival P03), The prospect of a game that would never truly end, with an almost equally endless amount of players to play with won him over.
With that the whisper Cackled into the cold night air, and manifested 3 weapons, 3 weapons of which Leshy knew and was just as capable of using them on people as he would cards. At last Leshy finally gained the one thing he had always wanted, A game that will last....forever.
​
Alrighty and with that I think I'll end this post here, sorry for making it so long just had a lot on my mind and thought I'd post it here. Anyways thanks to anyone who decided to listen. Hope you guys have a good day :).

As the title says, I very recently confronted my intuition that I’m on the spectrum. I researched, took a bunch of online diagnostic tests, and now I’m 95% sure I’m ND, possibly with both autism and ADHD. (I don’t feel the need to get a professional diagnosis, at least not at the moment)
For one, this knowledge is extremely comforting. I now know the reason why I’ve been depressed most of my life. I haven’t been getting better from depression and have in fact been getting worse because I wasn’t aware of my ND needs and kept measuring my life based on NT standards. No amount of breathing exercises, meditation, counselling, and sheer hard work could cure my depression because I was constantly being someone I wasn’t, ignoring my body’s needs, and overexerting myself. I finally understand. I am a lot kinder to myself now.
Despite being kinder to myself, I am worried. I’m worried because how do I interact with people now? With friends? How much do I still mask? I’m lucky to have one person that I can count on for life, so I’m not worried about being lonely, but it just feels strange that I’ve built up a certain life for myself and now I’m not sure how to continue it as a ND. Today I didn’t go to my class because I hate driving in that part of the city (it makes me very anxious) and I was already late anyway. I didn’t care anymore that I didn’t go — which is worrying on its own because, well, people will find out eventually that something is “wrong” or different about me if I keep doing this. I’ve spent so much energy in the past hiding that there’s something different about me that I can’t seem to give a shluck anymore.
Also, there is the urge to quit my job and write. I know it’s illogical, and I actually like my job and my coworkers, but after putting myself in so much stress the past 4-5 years, I feel like I deserve it. A big, long break, time enough to explore myself, my needs, and pursue my dream of being a writer.
I guess I’m in between changing my life fully to adapt to my self-diagnosis or keeping life mostly as is but with less masking.

About 2 months ago a girl from back in high school appeared on a Facebook friend list of one of my good buddies from high school. I had a crush on her then, but never told anyone, or her for that matter.
I was agonizing over whether to reach out and say Hello. My intent was to kind feel it out, find out about her. In the background trying to see if she was single or not.
Fast forward to last night. I log into a dating site that I have a profile on. I've been in and out lately, sometimes going months without looking. I search ladies my age (we're both 41), and she's now there! Two huge questions have been answered. Is she single? Yes. Does she live in the same city (not our home town)? Also, yes.
Seeing someone that I've kept a small flame lit for is accessible and available, I'm now excited and terrified at the same time. I've lost all capability for rational thought in regards to this. I haven't been waiting for her all these years, but I said that if i ever got a chance, I would take it. I honestly can't think how to proceed now.
If anyone wants a bit more info, I posted elsewhere a couple months ago. It's my only other post, easy to find, there's a bit more detail. Any ideas or thoughts would be considered and greatly appreciated. Thanks

Hey everyone!
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I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
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So background context:
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I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap because I can't go anywhere alone without making a scene. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
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The issue:
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Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. However, she's quite antisocial, yet clingy. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. However, this friend began trailing me early in our friendship and wouldn't let me leave to go hang out with other friends on my own. Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people, I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation.
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Additionally, she's very pessimistic and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong (You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings is often met with "So what? I don't care") Additionally, I'm quite optimistic, and I like that part of me, even if it makes me naive.
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However, I feel like because I'm only around her all the time I'm becoming more similar to herself, and I hate myself for it.
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. it also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows this too, which makes it worse. My other best friend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships. Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. Eventually, this led to enough conflict last year that he also doesn't talk to me.
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She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result, I've also grown severely distant). However, this is also applicable to me. We have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
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This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this decision impromptu visit to the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision.
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Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well.
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Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior, and had made sure to include both girls in a fair manner (We were all co-presidents). They had no intention to tell me, and I found out through another friend by coincidence. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. Eventually, we talked about it and came to an understanding.
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This is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned I had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him to push my friend to get scholarship information from me in a very pushy manner. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet). Plus we had agreed that we wouldn't do exchanges in this sense because of the prior issue. (In this sense as in...something we can't repay the other for in the moment. Homework is alright because it's something that comes up frequently and often we help each other in a balanced manner).
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I thought about talking to her, but she knows what her dad did was wrong, and a lot of my other issues revolve around who she is as a person so I can't change that.
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Why am I still friends with her?
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Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then.
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Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). But, there is the con that I don't have to spend money, and she's always down to split a coffee or find coupons with me.
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Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic from time to time.
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Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
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What I think is the best solution:
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I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
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However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defence mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
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What else should I do? Anyone have any ideas for how I could reach the ideal version of friendship I'm looking for? Please let me know if you need any more details.
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TL;DR: Best friend is controlling, pessimistic, egoistic, looks down on others, aggressive/pushy, and rocks the boat of my other relationships making me feel anxious and isolating me. However, we connect very well on an emotional level. What should I do?

Project Overview, Presented by Kristen Lueken
Goal 1 - Provide more choices to those with limited transportation options
Line would have 14 stations in 5.6 mile corridor, operate from 5AM - 1AM 7 days a week, 10-15min transit travel time.
Goal 2 - Invest in historically underserved or marginalized neighborhoods
24% of residents along the alignment live below the federal poverty threshold. 2600 legally binding affordable housing units within walking distance of the line.
Project Timeline:
Still looking for feedback along the "new" alignment where Choteau and Cass were not part of along the first proposed route.
Project Design Elements
Light rail will travel in dedicated traffic lanes, cars can cross to turn but cannot drive on the track, the road and rail are not shared north to south.
Minneapolis, Houston, Phoenix are examples of how this would be accomplished.
Additional U-Turns would be added for driving as center turn lanes would be eliminated in this system.
Stations would be located either in a Side Platform configuration or a center platform configuration depending on left turn lane needs for car traffic.
North St. Louis County Community Connector
This would be phase 2 after the Jefferson N/S connector is built. St. Louis County is looking at similar equity and demographic factors and soliciting feedback on it's 4 possible routes.
Interactive map of 4 possible North County routes
Public Involvement: Presented by Laurna Godwin
33 stakeholder groups and elected official breifings (20 County, 13 in the city)
7 City Neighborhood presentations
2 City community sponsored tabling events
40 "street team" pop-ups in City and County (survey and project promotion)
2,390 online respondents to the survey
57% City resident, 41% from the County responded
70% currently own or lease a vehicle
65% would use metro
In the County the GoodFellow-West Florissant option is the favored option for the County connector.
Next Steps/Q&A
Team will review open house feedback and continue to reach out to City and county officials
Cost estimate is not available at this time. Shooting for end of summer 2023.
Connection transfer from Jefferson line to Red/Blue line is being considered
Bike infrastructure needs feedback from open house events and community engagement. If you want protected bike lanes/infrastructure along this alignment make your voice heard.
Signals will be upgraded along the route for Traffic Signal Priority instead of timer based usage.
Metro is finalizing a contract with the next level consultant for the Federal step.
Metrolink Security Assessment presented by Kevin Scott
This is about the current 38 platforms.
Mid-america airport will be a new station added.
WSP USA conducted the security survey.
Bi-State will move to a closed/gated platform system. New Gating, enhanced fencing, additional 800 cameras and real-time tracking center, will include upgraded cameras to platforms, buses and train cameras.
Fare collection system will be upgraded as well during the updates to each station.
Secure Platform Plan will be done in 6 packages.
Package 1 College, Emerson Park, Jackie Joyner-Kersee Center, Washington Park - Construction completion scheduled for Spring 2024
Package 2 Central West End, Civic Center, Cortex, Delmar, Forest Park, Grand, Union Station - Construction completion scheduled for Summer 2024
Anticipated to have all stations upgraded by Spring of 2025.
$52 Million will be needed for completions, $12 Million from Bonds, $12 Million from Illinois Federal Stimulus, $17.25 from BSD Capital & ARPA funds, $10.75 Million from Private business.
Pilot program for metal detection systems is beginning, last for 4 weeks.
More information can be found here. The virtual townhall was recorded and will be uploaded on the website in a day or 2. It will be approximately 1h 30m in length.

This post is about something from Hinduism you may not have heard of, which is why I think it is relevant to this sub.
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I have been developing a somewhat noxious habit recently. You see, years ago, after my last acid trip led me to a psychosis that landed me in the psych ward, along with federal charges pressed against me (psychosis and airplanes really don’t mix!), I haven’t really had opportunity to experience the psychedelic state again, as it would be obviously too dangerous. But I had noticed that my brain is so… different now, that a mild dose of alcohol, enough to give me a buzz, also landed me in a properly psychedelic state.
So once a week I’ve been going to the corner pub, to get that buzz. Sometimes I mix it up by getting a bottle of wine instead.
One evening, I had drank a tall glass of wine, but it really hadn’t given me that buzz. It’s worrisome how much I wanted the buzz. It feels like I understand how someone can become an alcoholic now. Nevertheless, I went ahead and poured myself another tall glass of wine, meaning I would drink about 4/5 of the bottle on that single night.
I looked at that glass on the counter. Then I suddenly got the urge to tip its entire contents into the sink.
I paused. Where did that come from? I ruminated. I told myself how much I would enjoy drinking this, being all cozy and buzzed in my bed. Suddenly, the part of me saying that started sounding like Gríma Wormtongue whispering in my ear. And I realized that the urge to dump the wine more specifically felt like a pull, a pull upwards inside of me, a pull towards something that shines. And the urge to drink it also felt like a pull, a pull downwards, into darkness.
I let myself be pulled upwards. I grabbed the glass and emptied it entirely. And I was rewarded! Doing this instantly gave me a buzz that lasted a good long while, one not tainted by the dullness of alcohol.
And I realized this was not the first time I had felt the upwards pull. It’s what made me start going to the gym. What made me read Plato, and the Bhagavad Gita, and René Guénon.
Nor the first time I had felt the downwards pull. It’s what made me overeat. To meander on the internet. To isolate myself instead of striving to connect with other people.
Calling these things ‘upwards pull’ and ‘downwards pull’ is gonna get old fast. Since the first one I noticed is the upwards pull, let’s just call it ‘the pull’. The other one is also a pull, but it could also be fairly called ‘the slack’, as it opposes the pull, and slack really is its final destination.
But it’s not so simple as the pull being all good. Or the slack being all bad.
Some time after that I was lying in bed, reminiscing about a video game. I do so love video games. Then the pull yanked me again, the urge this time being to go into my living room in that instant and destroy my PS4. I suppose I didn’t feel the slack that time, unless it is that I didn’t notice it because I instinctively went with it. Maybe Wormtongue seduced me.
Another time, I had really got it into my head that I must go and watch John Wick 4. Even went out on a very rainy night to do so. At one point in the movie, a woman gets killed. That didn’t sit right with me, and I started looking at the movie in a much more dim light. What am I even doing? Is watching this shit really different from going to the Colosseum? And I felt the pull, this time telling me that I should stand up and leave, right now. This time, I also felt the slack: just sink into your seat, it was hard enough getting here, you want to get your money’s worth right? I went with the slack, which led to a very interesting experience with the movie. It was like I saw mankind rising against Ṛta in some kind of planet-wide rock concert mixed with a Brazilian carnival. Presumably, I would have seen something different had I left, something completely the opposite.
The pull is good in a way: it really was the right call to ditch that wine. But it’s also an all-consuming conflagration. It wants you to sacrifice all that isn’t it. It was the pull that made Abraham attempt to sacrifice Isaac, and it was the slack that made him change his mind. It was the pull that made the Aztecs sacrifice around 250,000 people per year.
The pull is yang and the slack is yin. When Jesus said:

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

maybe he was saying to kill yin? Well, yin, the dark side, doesn’t actually stand for evil. And there is this book called Christ, the Eternal Tao, which I haven’t read, but its mere existence is quite the statement.
And yet, what were the yin aspects of Jesus? He seems pure yang, the light side, which means he was imbalanced, which is ironically as close to a definition of evil as Taoism gets.
But, potentially, Jesus knew this. He did ask, 'Why do you call me good?’, which leads one to wonder what could be wrong about him that he had to reject the label ‘good’. Maybe he dimly sensed it was wrong to say things like ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life’, which is very un-taoist, what with its ideal of leading by not-leading (I have no idea what Christ, the Eternal Tao is on about).
That one really was a hell of a saying of Jesus. Can you imagine a guy looking you in the eye and saying that one to you? It’s honestly a legitimate miracle that he did that and at least some bought it. I wonder if I would’ve bought it. Would you have done so?
The pull and the slack map more cleanly into the Hindu guṇas, which are the 3 essential qualities of everything in existence. These are:

1. Sattva, the ascending tendency, representing balance and harmony and all things good. It’s associated with the color white.
2. Rajas, the horizontal tendency, representing passion, which is neither good nor bad. Associated with red.
3. Tamas, the descending tendency, representing imbalance and chaos and all things bad. It’s color is black.

The pull is sattva and the slack is tamas, and it’s pretty neat that I independently confirmed the existence of these things, because it was only later that I learned sattva is an ascending tendency and tamas a descending one.
I haven’t really described rajas, because most things are rajas, at least in my life. Honestly, I would even file masturbation under that one, as I don’t really feel a descent there, and as it turns out, masturbation is not a big deal in Hinduism, it being seen as a very minor infraction even for people who have taken a vow of chastity.
An interesting thing about the guṇas, is that all three need to be present for there to be a manifestation, that is, a universe, at all: there couldn’t be such a thing as a purely sattvic, or tamasic, world. It would be like positing a one-note melody.
So yin-yang is an incomplete symbol. But it does highlight that interesting feature of yang having a dot of yin, and yin of yang: there is no such thing as all-yang or all-yin. If your right hand offends thee, what you really need is a dose of Taoism! (and maybe some Haldol).
We come back to the fact that, ultimately, pouring that wine down the sink was the right call. Would thrashing my PS4 had been the right call also? The third (and I know, final) time I was in the psych ward, I met a very devout, smiling Christian there. He even got other patients to kneel and pray with him. From interacting with him, it wasn’t clear why he ended up warded, but someone later told me that he had started thrashing all the electronics in his house, and when I asked him about it, he said there were demons in there. I shared that intuition for an instant then, and it’s pretty interesting that there’s this environmentalist Christian named Paul Kingsnorth whose work is all about how techno-capitalist civilization is this machine, the Machine, that we have enthroned as God and is in the process of devouring God’s creation, and the only way out is to renounce technology as best as you can and RETVRN TO TRADITION, though he doesn’t go quite that far with that last part (at least right now) being a former leftist and having a well-educated wife that I imagine would never go along with it.
Paul Kingsnorth is doing a more high-brow version of the behavior that got that Christian warded, and looking at it from another angle, the vibe worshipers over on That Part Of Twitter (better known as tpot) have said that AI art gives them bad vibes, and basically, are you down with this video?
Grimes - We Appreciate Power
Or do you want Kalki avatar to come, burn everything down, and restore Satya Yuga? Surely one must pick, it’s all so boring if we get stuck in an Eternal 90s.
Sattva and tamas, the pull and the slack. It pays to be aware of these things, because ultimately, even though the unbridled pull just leads to insanity, the fruit of the slack, tamas, can be seen in the homeless drug addicts which I see everyday. I don’t believe in a yin-yang balance between these things: it is better to have an overall sattvic tendency, to the degree one can manage it. I don’t believe it’s a matter of submitting to some rules. Someone once told me that true brahmins don’t indulge not because they are suppressing their desires, but because they are truly revolted by the things we would call indulging. I can’t say I yearn for such a state, but should I land in it, I don’t think I would resist it.
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I have been working in before/after school care for one year now. I enjoy my job and looking after the children & have gotten good feedback from the school and higher-ups. So performance isn’t the problem.
I am not a super social person, I am introverted and in new situations I can be pretty quiet. I’m aware of that. Always have been. I’m not a hermit or social pariah either though. I don’t think I have that much in common with my co-workers who seem to have much more similar lifestyles to each other & whilst we are all friendly to each other, I never became close to them like they already were or became close to each other. We are all similar ages, oldest person there is still only 31.
I still chatted with to my coworkers though (without imposing myself on them). I did want to be as comfortable around them as they seem to be with each other. Things were still okay though, until the end of last year. Two new women were hired, and I actually like them and think their addition was good (both professionally and socially). The only thing that kinda hurt was their addition basically sealed the deal of being shut out socially. Everybody else became close with them quickly. It didn’t come as natural or fast with me.
And now, whilst nobody is mean to me or anything, I can just tell I am very obviously not on the same wavelength as everybody else is. More than before. It does feel like when I make effort, I don’t get much fruit from it, maybe even shut down a bit? They even speak to me in a less friendly/casual way than they speak to each other. If I could describe it succinctly it feels like that self-fulfilling prophecy of: Quiet person makes effort to speak > Others don’t respond/reciprocate > Quiet person figures that trying doesn’t work and starts to stay quiet > Others don’t talk to quiet person BECAUSE they’re quiet.
I don’t think I’m a super weird person or anything? I probably come off reserved, sure. I still try. I make sure I am hygienic (I don’t stink). I try to be approachable and considerate to others. I show interest in things they bring up (Basically: don’t ramble on about myself, but even if I do talk about myself to make rapport, I honestly don’t think they care). In comparison, I get along great with the kids, but they’re just kids. Doesn’t count for much. I don’t need them to be besties with me, I would just like to be treated the way I see them treat each other. That is all.
I try to think of why, why, why? What am I doing wrong? Even when people come from other locations, they tend to get treated nicer than I do. Recently, I admit I’ve just stopped trying. I know trying isn’t going to achieve anything really. I tried my best for 12 months. Is it a perceived cultural gap? I am the only African in the entire company, but I was born and raised here. I’m even only fluent in English. The only other two people I’ve seen treated like this are a Muslim woman, and an Arab woman who occasionally work at our service. Is that the common thread? I don’t think so? There’s only 2 people I feel don’t treat me differently than they do the others, but they come less often.
I know what you may think: Contact the head of the service. Well, he is the exact same way. He is also close with everybody & they are close to him. I could contact whoever is above him sure. But what are they gonna do? Nobody’s bullying me, so they can’t force them to be chummy with me lmao. And everybody being aware I complained about them won’t make things any better realistically. The most they can really do is move me to another service, but I can’t necessarily commute to those places & have it still be worth it salary-wise (they’re all in different parts of the city). There was one incident where I emailed him (the head of service) requesting if I could avoid being put in the same area as a an older child who threw something at my head, kicked me and shoved me. As well as letting him know that incident did affect me. I have never had to contact him about anything before, nor have I ever even asked anything of him before. My email was completely ignored. But I have seen him many times bend over backwards to accommodate “worse” requests from others & respond to them quickly. Both on email and verbally. Why? Why? He did not do much about the few incidents where certain children were being racist (whether out of ignorance, but some with actual malice) to me at the service either. So of course, some of them continued on. I’ve given up on it and just put up with it when it occasionally happens.
For reference, I have worked other jobs before this. And whilst I wasn’t besties with my coworkers there either, I didn’t feel left treated differently or left out AT ALL. I am not even the type of person desperate for others approval, or desperate to make friends with people at work. I just got on and did my job all these months. But the way I feel treated differently is so apparent to me that it’s started to affect my motivation to go to work at all (despite the ‘caring for kids’ part being fine) when I know I will be experience it daily. I came home from work this morning and just started crying. That’s how I know it’s bad because I rarely cry over people, let alone co-workers.

If you live in District 3 or especially District 5, please go vote in the City Council runoff election! Early voting is available Tuesday - Friday this week from 8 AM to 5PM at Irving City Hall or the Irving Arts Center: https://www.cityofirving.org/CivicAlerts.aspx?AID=11389. There is also early voting Saturday, June 3 - Tuesday, June 6, with different hours. Election day is June 10th.
You can see my earlier posts, like https://www.reddit.com/irving/comments/12xkqs5/vote_against_intolerance_and_bigotry/, for more details about why this election matters and why you should vote AGAINST Mark Cronenwett (so, FOR Heather Stroup, since the runoff is between those two candidates).
Fortunately, despite the "Families for Irving" PAC spending thousands of dollars on his campaign, Paul Bertanzetti was handily rejected in the May 6 election, receiving less than 20% of the vote.
Please go vote!

Today my (M35) wife (F34) brought up the topic of stop taking the pill.
One year and a halve ago I got to marry the girl I love, she's my partner and we have a great life together. Both of us are in our mid 30s, a good career, and one year ago we moved to a smaller city.
Before we got married the kids topic came out and I said that I was willing to have one or two only because I loved her, because if it depended only on me, I wouldn't care of being childless; it has never been a goal in my life. Still, we agreed to leave the pill by second halve of this year.
Now that time has passed and some family and friends are having kids, I'm starting to feel an incredible pressure that some times keeps me awake all night. I can't find a good reason to have kids and it's killing me, lately it has affected our sex life and I'm getting rashes all over my body, i think due to stress. Work doesn't help here either, both of us have quite demanding jobs that consumes most of our day and leave a very short window of time to do whatever we want, so imagining that my life will be working and kids stuff makes me reevaluate everything about them.
On top of that, lately I have been able to meet people with kids between 3-13 and all I hear from them is that they don't have time for anything, and marriage changes due to kids (more fights due to kids related matters, no sex), and that they can't even watch TV, but they are "happy". I honestly think they say they are happy because you can't regret having kids in public...
So... lastlty I have been overthinking about this for the last couple of months and I'm so tired... She is such an amazing girl and I feel really bad for making her pass through this problem of me. She has noticed I'm behaving different but I've hadn't had the courage to open my self, as I don't want to ruin the little we have got to built together.
And today the question arrived, she told me it was moment to stop taking the pill, I told her I wasn't sure about it, that i love her and our life. We had a discussion and a share of tears, she told me she can't wait much longer, and I don't want to lose her.
For people expecting to have kids soon, what is it that thrills you about having kids? The more I think about it I can't find a good reason. My wife told me she thinks leaving everything aside for a family with kids is worthwhile, and that people usually complains more than share the good experiences.
For people with kids, how do you manage all this? people I know seem to be so unhappy and tired.
I know some will say that I should have thought about this before marrying my wife, but before this last year I didn't have the chance to hear from first hand how these guys a bit older than me are living their parenthood. I don't have young cousins, or elder siblings with kids, so I couldn't, get an idea of parenthood before this last year.
TL;DR! I can't decide of having children and my wife is ready to stop taking the pill.

Hey everyone!
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I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
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So background context:
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I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap because I can't go anywhere alone without making a scene. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
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The issue:
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Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. However, she's quite antisocial, yet clingy. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. However, this friend began trailing me early in our friendship and wouldn't let me leave to go hang out with other friends on my own. Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people, I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation.
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Additionally, she's very pessimistic and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong (You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings is often met with "So what? I don't care") Additionally, I'm quite optimistic, and I like that part of me, even if it makes me naive.
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However, I feel like because I'm only around her all the time I'm becoming more similar to herself, and I hate myself for it.
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. it also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows this too, which makes it worse. My other best friend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships. Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. Eventually, this led to enough conflict last year that he also doesn't talk to me.
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She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result, I've also grown severely distant). However, this is also applicable to me. We have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
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This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this decision impromptu visit to the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision.
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Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well.
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Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior, and had made sure to include both girls in a fair manner (We were all co-presidents). They had no intention to tell me, and I found out through another friend by coincidence. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. Eventually, we talked about it and came to an understanding.
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This is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned I had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him to push my friend to get scholarship information from me in a very pushy manner. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet). Plus we had agreed that we wouldn't do exchanges in this sense because of the prior issue. (In this sense as in...something we can't repay the other for in the moment. Homework is alright because it's something that comes up frequently and often we help each other in a balanced manner).
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I thought about talking to her, but she knows what her dad did was wrong, and a lot of my other issues revolve around who she is as a person so I can't change that.
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Why am I still friends with her?
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Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then.
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Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). But, there is the con that I don't have to spend money, and she's always down to split a coffee or find coupons with me.
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Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic from time to time.
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Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
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What I think is the best solution:
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I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
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However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defence mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
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What else should I do? Anyone have any ideas for how I could reach the ideal version of friendship I'm looking for? Please let me know if you need any more details.
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TL;DR: Best friend is controlling, pessimistic, egoistic, looks down on others, aggressive/pushy, and rocks the boat of my other relationships making me feel anxious and isolating me. However, we connect very well on an emotional level. What should I do?

All this forum as been great and I still check it.
I originally took my PMP in 2003. It was really hard because it had a lot of memorization and formulas. I let it lapse because I changed career direction and at the time PDU's were very expensive.
Fast forward 20 years I decided to take it again. I started to study in Jan 2023 and took the test end of March. I did study hall and the TIA Exams simulator. I would say only do the two practice test version from study hall. I also had a free pass for the PMP exam test.
Study hall is a bit silly. The expert questions contradict the other questions. I think I averaged around 60% with all questions and in the 70's if I took out expert.
Tia was a bit too easy. Lots of Agile questions but it was helpful with the mindset. I averaged in the 80's on that.
Don't buy Andrew Ramdayal book unless you want the course. Do buy the The PMP Exam: How to Pass on Your First Try (Test Prep series) 6th Edition by Andy Crowe PMP if you want a book.
Youtube used all the videos everyone has talked about.
I have to say the PMP has changed a lot, it is easier now because you don't have to memorize all the inputs and outputs. At the time i originally took it the scope was the scope and it should never be changed. Now it seems much more customer focused which is a good thing.
I also took the CISSP and passed, you could see my post here.
The PDU are also easier to get. PMI gives you a ton of free resources now.
Good luck to all, take your breaks, pace yourself and it will be ok.
I will close with a question to the forum what Cert are you going for next. I don't think the PMI-ACP pays because I feel like I got of Agile on the PMP.

I have been developing a somewhat noxious habit recently. You see, years ago, after my last acid trip led me to a psychosis that landed me in the psych ward, along with federal charges pressed against me (psychosis and airplanes really don’t mix!), I haven’t really had opportunity to experience the psychedelic state again, as it would be obviously too dangerous. But I had noticed that my brain is so… different now, that a mild dose of alcohol, enough to give me a buzz, also landed me in a properly psychedelic state.
So once a week I’ve been going to the corner pub, to get that buzz. Sometimes I mix it up by getting a bottle of wine instead.
One evening, I had drank a tall glass of wine, but it really hadn’t given me that buzz. It’s worrisome how much I wanted the buzz. It feels like I understand how someone can become an alcoholic now. Nevertheless, I went ahead and poured myself another tall glass of wine, meaning I would drink about 4/5 of the bottle on that single night.
I looked at that glass on the counter. Then I suddenly got the urge to tip its entire contents into the sink.
I paused. Where did that come from? I ruminated. I told myself how much I would enjoy drinking this, being all cozy and buzzed in my bed. Suddenly, the part of me saying that started sounding like Gríma Wormtongue whispering in my ear. And I realized that the urge to dump the wine more specifically felt like a pull, a pull upwards inside of me, a pull towards something that shines. And the urge to drink it also felt like a pull, a pull downwards, into darkness.
I let myself be pulled upwards. I grabbed the glass and emptied it entirely. And I was rewarded! Doing this instantly gave me a buzz that lasted a good long while, one not tainted by the dullness of alcohol.
And I realized this was not the first time I had felt the upwards pull. It’s what made me start going to the gym. What made me read Plato, and the Bhagavad Gita, and René Guénon.
Nor the first time I had felt the downwards pull. It’s what made me overeat. To meander on the internet. To isolate myself instead of striving to connect with other people.
Calling these things ‘upwards pull’ and ‘downwards pull’ is gonna get old fast. Since the first one I noticed is the upwards pull, let’s just call it ‘the pull’. The other one is also a pull, but it could also be fairly called ‘the slack’, as it opposes the pull, and slack really is its final destination.
But it’s not so simple as the pull being all good. Or the slack being all bad.
Some time after that I was lying in bed, reminiscing about a video game. I do so love video games. Then the pull yanked me again, the urge this time being to go into my living room in that instant and destroy my PS4. I suppose I didn’t feel the slack that time, unless it is that I didn’t notice it because I instinctively went with it. Maybe Wormtongue seduced me.
Another time, I had really got it into my head that I must go and watch John Wick 4. Even went out on a very rainy night to do so. At one point in the movie, a woman gets killed. That didn’t sit right with me, and I started looking at the movie in a much more dim light. What am I even doing? Is watching this shit really different from going to the Colosseum? And I felt the pull, this time telling me that I should stand up and leave, right now. This time, I also felt the slack: just sink into your seat, it was hard enough getting here, you want to get your money’s worth right? I went with the slack, which led to a very interesting experience with the movie. It was like I saw mankind rising against Ṛta in some kind of planet-wide rock concert mixed with a Brazilian carnival. Presumably, I would have seen something different had I left, something completely the opposite.
The pull is good in a way: it really was the right call to ditch that wine. But it’s also an all-consuming conflagration. It wants you to sacrifice all that isn’t it. It was the pull that made Abraham attempt to sacrifice Isaac, and it was the slack that made him change his mind. It was the pull that made the Aztecs sacrifice around 250,000 people per year.
The pull is yang and the slack is yin. When Jesus said:

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

maybe he was saying to kill yin? Well, yin, the dark side, doesn’t actually stand for evil. And there is this book called Christ, the Eternal Tao, which I haven’t read, but its mere existence is quite the statement.
And yet, what were the yin aspects of Jesus? He seems pure yang, the light side, which means he was imbalanced, which is ironically as close to a definition of evil as Taoism gets.
But, potentially, Jesus knew this. He did ask, 'Why do you call me good?’, which leads one to wonder what could be wrong about him that he had to reject the label ‘good’. Maybe he dimly sensed it was wrong to say things like ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life’, which is very un-taoist, what with its ideal of leading by not-leading (I have no idea what Christ, the Eternal Tao is on about).
That one really was a hell of a saying of Jesus. Can you imagine a guy looking you in the eye and saying that one to you? It’s honestly a legitimate miracle that he did that and at least some bought it. I wonder if I would’ve bought it. Would you have done so?
The pull and the slack map more cleanly into the Hindu guṇas, which are the 3 essential qualities of everything in existence. These are:

1. Sattva, the ascending tendency, representing balance and harmony and all things good. It’s associated with the color white.
2. Rajas, the horizontal tendency, representing passion, which is neither good nor bad. Associated with red.
3. Tamas, the descending tendency, representing imbalance and chaos and all things bad. It’s color is black.

The pull is sattva and the slack is tamas, and it’s pretty neat that I independently confirmed the existence of these things, because it was only later that I learned sattva is an ascending tendency and tamas a descending one.
I haven’t really described rajas, because most things are rajas, at least in my life. Honestly, I would even file masturbation under that one, as I don’t really feel a descent there, and as it turns out, masturbation is not a big deal in Hinduism, it being seen as a very minor infraction even for people who have taken a vow of chastity.
An interesting thing about the guṇas, is that all three need to be present for there to be a manifestation, that is, a universe, at all: there couldn’t be such a thing as a purely sattvic, or tamasic, world. It would be like positing a one-note melody.
So yin-yang is an incomplete symbol. But it does highlight that interesting feature of yang having a dot of yin, and yin of yang: there is no such thing as all-yang or all-yin. If your right hand offends thee, what you really need is a dose of Taoism! (and maybe some Haldol).
We come back to the fact that, ultimately, pouring that wine down the sink was the right call. Would thrashing my PS4 had been the right call also? The third (and I know, final) time I was in the psych ward, I met a very devout, smiling Christian there. He even got other patients to kneel and pray with him. From interacting with him, it wasn’t clear why he ended up warded, but someone later told me that he had started thrashing all the electronics in his house, and when I asked him about it, he said there were demons in there. I shared that intuition for an instant then, and it’s pretty interesting that there’s this environmentalist Christian named Paul Kingsnorth whose work is all about how techno-capitalist civilization is this machine, the Machine, that we have enthroned as God and is in the process of devouring God’s creation, and the only way out is to renounce technology as best as you can and RETVRN TO TRADITION, though he doesn’t go quite that far with that last part (at least right now) being a former leftist and having a well-educated wife that I imagine would never go along with it.
Paul Kingsnorth is doing a more high-brow version of the behavior that got that Christian warded, and looking at it from another angle, the vibe worshipers over on That Part Of Twitter (better known as tpot) have said that AI art gives them bad vibes, and basically, are you down with this video?
Grimes - We Appreciate Power
Or do you want Kalki avatar to come, burn everything down, and restore Satya Yuga? Surely one must pick, it’s all so boring if we get stuck in an Eternal 90s.
Sattva and tamas, the pull and the slack. It pays to be aware of these things, because ultimately, even though the unbridled pull just leads to insanity, the fruit of the slack, tamas, can be seen in the homeless drug addicts which I see everyday. I don’t believe in a yin-yang balance between these things: it is better to have an overall sattvic tendency, to the degree one can manage it. I don’t believe it’s a matter of submitting to some rules. Someone once told me that true brahmins don’t indulge not because they are suppressing their desires, but because they are truly revolted by the things we would call indulging. I can’t say I yearn for such a state, but should I land in it, I don’t think I would resist it.
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I have been working in before/after school care for one year now. I enjoy my job and looking after the children & have gotten good feedback from the school and higher-ups. So performance isn’t the problem.
I am not a super social person, I am introverted and in new situations I can be pretty quiet. I’m aware of that. Always have been. I’m not a hermit or social pariah either though. I don’t think I have that much in common with my co-workers who seem to have much more similar lifestyles to each other & whilst we are all friendly to each other, I never became close to them like they already were or became close to each other. We are all similar ages, oldest person there is still only 31.
I still chatted with to my coworkers though (without imposing myself on them). I did want to be as comfortable around them as they seem to be with each other. Things were still okay though, until the end of last year. Two new women were hired, and I actually like them and think their addition was good (both professionally and socially). The only thing that kinda hurt was their addition basically sealed the deal of being shut out socially. Everybody else became close with them quickly. It didn’t come as natural or fast with me.
And now, whilst nobody is mean to me or anything, I can just tell I am very obviously not on the same wavelength as everybody else is. More than before. It does feel like when I make effort, I don’t get much fruit from it, maybe even shut down a bit? They even speak to me in a less friendly/casual way than they speak to each other. If I could describe it succinctly it feels like that self-fulfilling prophecy of: Quiet person makes effort to speak > Others don’t respond/reciprocate > Quiet person figures that trying doesn’t work and starts to stay quiet > Others don’t talk to quiet person BECAUSE they’re quiet.
I don’t think I’m a super weird person or anything? I probably come off reserved, sure. I still try. I make sure I am hygienic (I don’t stink). I try to be approachable and considerate to others. I show interest in things they bring up (Basically: don’t ramble on about myself, but even if I do talk about myself to make rapport, I honestly don’t think they care). In comparison, I get along great with the kids, but they’re just kids. Doesn’t count for much. I don’t need them to be besties with me, I would just like to be treated the way I see them treat each other. That is all.
I try to think of why, why, why? What am I doing wrong? Even when people come from other locations, they tend to get treated nicer than I do. Recently, I admit I’ve just stopped trying. I know trying isn’t going to achieve anything really. I tried my best for 12 months. Is it a perceived cultural gap? I am the only African in the entire company, but I was born and raised here. I’m even only fluent in English. The only other two people I’ve seen treated like this are a Muslim woman, and an Arab woman who occasionally work at our service. Is that the common thread? I don’t think so? There’s only 2 people I feel don’t treat me differently than they do the others, but they come less often.
I know what you may think: Contact the head of the service. Well, he is the exact same way. He is also close with everybody & they are close to him. I could contact whoever is above him sure. But what are they gonna do? Nobody’s bullying me, so they can’t force them to be chummy with me lmao. And everybody being aware I complained about them won’t make things any better realistically. The most they can really do is move me to another service, but I can’t necessarily commute to those places & have it still be worth it salary-wise (they’re all in different parts of the city). There was one incident where I emailed him (the head of service) requesting if I could avoid being put in the same area as a an older child who threw something at my head, kicked me and shoved me. As well as letting him know that incident did affect me. I have never had to contact him about anything before, nor have I ever even asked anything of him before. My email was completely ignored. But I have seen him many times bend over backwards to accommodate “worse” requests from others & respond to them quickly. Both on email and verbally. Why? Why? He did not do much about the few incidents where certain children were being racist (whether out of ignorance, but some with actual malice) to me at the service either. So of course, some of them continued on. I’ve given up on it and just put up with it when it occasionally happens.
For reference, I have worked other jobs before this. And whilst I wasn’t besties with my coworkers there either, I didn’t feel left treated differently or left out AT ALL. I am not even the type of person desperate for others approval, or desperate to make friends with people at work. I just got on and did my job all these months. But the way I feel treated differently is so apparent to me that it’s started to affect my motivation to go to work at all (despite the ‘caring for kids’ part being fine) when I know I will be experience it daily. I came home from work this morning and just started crying. That’s how I know it’s bad because I rarely cry over people, let alone co-workers.

I have been developing a somewhat noxious habit recently. You see, years ago, after my last acid trip led me to a psychosis that landed me in the psych ward, along with federal charges pressed against me (psychosis and airplanes really don’t mix!), I haven’t really had opportunity to experience the psychedelic state again, as it would be obviously too dangerous. But I had noticed that my brain is so… different now, that a mild dose of alcohol, enough to give me a buzz, also landed me in a properly psychedelic state.
So once a week I’ve been going to the corner pub, to get that buzz. Sometimes I mix it up by getting a bottle of wine instead.
One evening, I had drank a tall glass of wine, but it really hadn’t given me that buzz. It’s worrisome how much I wanted the buzz. It feels like I understand how someone can become an alcoholic now. Nevertheless, I went ahead and poured myself another tall glass of wine, meaning I would drink about 4/5 of the bottle on that single night.
I looked at that glass on the counter. Then I suddenly got the urge to tip its entire contents into the sink.
I paused. Where did that come from? I ruminated. I told myself how much I would enjoy drinking this, being all cozy and buzzed in my bed. Suddenly, the part of me saying that started sounding like Gríma Wormtongue whispering in my ear. And I realized that the urge to dump the wine more specifically felt like a pull, a pull upwards inside of me, a pull towards something that shines. And the urge to drink it also felt like a pull, a pull downwards, into darkness.
I let myself be pulled upwards. I grabbed the glass and emptied it entirely. And I was rewarded! Doing this instantly gave me a buzz that lasted a good long while, one not tainted by the dullness of alcohol.
And I realized this was not the first time I had felt the upwards pull. It’s what made me start going to the gym. What made me read Plato, and the Bhagavad Gita, and René Guénon.
Nor the first time I had felt the downwards pull. It’s what made me overeat. To meander on the internet. To isolate myself instead of striving to connect with other people.
Calling these things ‘upwards pull’ and ‘downwards pull’ is gonna get old fast. Since the first one I noticed is the upwards pull, let’s just call it ‘the pull’. The other one is also a pull, but it could also be fairly called ‘the slack’, as it opposes the pull, and slack really is its final destination.
But it’s not so simple as the pull being all good. Or the slack being all bad.
Some time after that I was lying in bed, reminiscing about a video game. I do so love video games. Then the pull yanked me again, the urge this time being to go into my living room in that instant and destroy my PS4. I suppose I didn’t feel the slack that time, unless it is that I didn’t notice it because I instinctively went with it. Maybe Wormtongue seduced me.
Another time, I had really got it into my head that I must go and watch John Wick 4. Even went out on a very rainy night to do so. At one point in the movie, a woman gets killed. That didn’t sit right with me, and I started looking at the movie in a much more dim light. What am I even doing? Is watching this shit really different from going to the Colosseum? And I felt the pull, this time telling me that I should stand up and leave, right now. This time, I also felt the slack: just sink into your seat, it was hard enough getting here, you want to get your money’s worth right? I went with the slack, which led to a very interesting experience with the movie. It was like I saw mankind rising against Ṛta in some kind of planet-wide rock concert mixed with a Brazilian carnival. Presumably, I would have seen something different had I left, something completely the opposite.
The pull is good in a way: it really was the right call to ditch that wine. But it’s also an all-consuming conflagration. It wants you to sacrifice all that isn’t it. It was the pull that made Abraham attempt to sacrifice Isaac, and it was the slack that made him change his mind. It was the pull that made the Aztecs sacrifice around 250,000 people per year.
The pull is yang and the slack is yin. When Jesus said:

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

maybe he was saying to kill yin? Well, yin, the dark side, doesn’t actually stand for evil. And there is this book called Christ, the Eternal Tao, which I haven’t read, but its mere existence is quite the statement.
And yet, what were the yin aspects of Jesus? He seems pure yang, the light side, which means he was imbalanced, which is ironically as close to a definition of evil as Taoism gets.
But, potentially, Jesus knew this. He did ask, 'Why do you call me good?’, which leads one to wonder what could be wrong about him that he had to reject the label ‘good’. Maybe he dimly sensed it was wrong to say things like ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life’, which is very un-taoist, what with its ideal of leading by not-leading (I have no idea what Christ, the Eternal Tao is on about).
That one really was a hell of a saying of Jesus. Can you imagine a guy looking you in the eye and saying that one to you? It’s honestly a legitimate miracle that he did that and at least some bought it. I wonder if I would’ve bought it. Would you have done so?
The pull and the slack map more cleanly into the Hindu guṇas, which are the 3 essential qualities of everything in existence. These are:

1. Sattva, the ascending tendency, representing balance and harmony and all things good. It’s associated with the color white.
2. Rajas, the horizontal tendency, representing passion, which is neither good nor bad. Associated with red.
3. Tamas, the descending tendency, representing imbalance and chaos and all things bad. It’s color is black.

The pull is sattva and the slack is tamas, and it’s pretty neat that I independently confirmed the existence of these things, because it was only later that I learned sattva is an ascending tendency and tamas a descending one.
I haven’t really described rajas, because most things are rajas, at least in my life. Honestly, I would even file masturbation under that one, as I don’t really feel a descent there, and as it turns out, masturbation is not a big deal in Hinduism, it being seen as a very minor infraction even for people who have taken a vow of chastity.
An interesting thing about the guṇas, is that all three need to be present for there to be a manifestation, that is, a universe, at all: there couldn’t be such a thing as a purely sattvic, or tamasic, world. It would be like positing a one-note melody.
So yin-yang is an incomplete symbol. But it does highlight that interesting feature of yang having a dot of yin, and yin of yang: there is no such thing as all-yang or all-yin. If your right hand offends thee, what you really need is a dose of Taoism! (and maybe some Haldol).
We come back to the fact that, ultimately, pouring that wine down the sink was the right call. Would thrashing my PS4 had been the right call also? The third (and I know, final) time I was in the psych ward, I met a very devout, smiling Christian there. He even got other patients to kneel and pray with him. From interacting with him, it wasn’t clear why he ended up warded, but someone later told me that he had started thrashing all the electronics in his house, and when I asked him about it, he said there were demons in there. I shared that intuition for an instant then, and it’s pretty interesting that there’s this environmentalist Christian named Paul Kingsnorth whose work is all about how techno-capitalist civilization is this machine, the Machine, that we have enthroned as God and is in the process of devouring God’s creation, and the only way out is to renounce technology as best as you can and RETVRN TO TRADITION, though he doesn’t go quite that far with that last part (at least right now) being a former leftist and having a well-educated wife that I imagine would never go along with it.
Paul Kingsnorth is doing a more high-brow version of the behavior that got that Christian warded, and looking at it from another angle, the vibe worshipers over on That Part Of Twitter (better known as tpot) have said that AI art gives them bad vibes, and basically, are you down with this video?
Grimes - We Appreciate Power
Or do you want Kalki avatar to come, burn everything down, and restore Satya Yuga? Surely one must pick, it’s all so boring if we get stuck in an Eternal 90s.
Sattva and tamas, the pull and the slack. It pays to be aware of these things, because ultimately, even though the unbridled pull just leads to insanity, the fruit of the slack, tamas, can be seen in the homeless drug addicts which I see everyday. I don’t believe in a yin-yang balance between these things: it is better to have an overall sattvic tendency, to the degree one can manage it. I don’t believe it’s a matter of submitting to some rules. Someone once told me that true brahmins don’t indulge not because they are suppressing their desires, but because they are truly revolted by the things we would call indulging. I can’t say I yearn for such a state, but should I land in it, I don’t think I would resist it.
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